Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH says he never loved me, had affairs all married life. I am pg with 4th help.

125 replies

IhearyoubutIcantfeelit · 04/07/2013 14:20

We hadbeen trying for a baby, I fell pregnant quickly. Soon afterwards I found incriminating texts and emails that hesleptwith another woman a few years agoand did various otherthings sexting etc. He betrayed my confidence by having an emotional affair with another woman who wanted my place and went to unbelievable lengths to ty and push me out.

Anyway, long story short. He has fessed up, completely. I know because I hacked all his accounts with a keylogger and a tech friend's help.

He is taking meds for his high blood pressure and has become better. He is currently on an extended biz trip. He wrote me an apology letter stating thathe is sorry he has hurt me in such an unbelievably cruel way, all these years, he says when we got together he fell for me, he was just divorced and living alone, it was such a powerful attraction. He has dark places in him and has dragged me down, he is truly sorry.

It's long please bear with me.

In a follow up call he told me he never really loved me or he wouldn't have Done what he did. He feels a powerful sexual attraction to me but objectified me and he says I can never get over the hurt he caused me, that the relationship is broken beyond repair and he wants to let me go to find someone else.

My heart is pretty manled and I am hardly keeping it together for the kids, I am endlessly crying. What am I to do? Try counseling with him? Accept that he doesn't want me anymore? I am pregnant and we have 3 little dc. I am just over 30. My life as I know it is over. Am I being stupid to try and hold On to my marriage?

OP posts:
garlicsmutty · 06/07/2013 21:38

Darling, you are an amazing woman! I certainly agree with everyone else's posts - and you are hearing from some pretty bloody amazing women themselves Grin

OK. Why did he do it, how could he hurt you so much, does he not see what he's doing, etc, etc? You answered these questions, and all the others, in your first post. He scores high on the Hare scale. I assume you mean Robert Hare, the world expert on psychopathy, not fuckwittery or any watered-down versions of narcissism. Hare himself links to this site for ex-victims. From the home page:

Psychopathy is a personality disorder signified by a pattern of lying, exploitiveness, heedlessness, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, low self-control, and lack of empathy and remorse. Those who are affected may appear normal thus increasing their ability to effectively prey on others.

People severely affected with psychopathy have a false belief in their own superiority, a sense of entitlement and a complete disregard for social norms. They therefore leave a long trail of victims and survivors over the course of living their lives. Their victims include strangers, friends, lovers, co-workers and family members.

Unable to love, feel remorse or show any trace of guilt, they survive by charming, conning and manipulating others. Because they are impulsive and do things that hurt other people, psychopathic individuals are also called "antisocial" by mental health professionals.

... He did it because it's all he knows how to do. To psychopaths, other people are prey. Most are quite self-aware but see no reason to change; it serves them well and, being devoid of compassion, don't much care about any damage they wreak.

I think it was the absence of compassion that made his attempt at "knowing how you must feel" jar on you. It may be small comfort to realise that, in making that effort, he tried to conjure up the quality he lacks, just for you. With ongoing experience, he will get better at estimating his victims' feelings ... I'm sparing a thought here for his third or fourth wife, and maybe you will too, one day.

Don't trust him. Follow the advice of these good Mumsnetters. While he's unlikely to act out of deliberate malice towards you, remember he cares only about himself and cannot do otherwise. If he's anything like my ex, his machinations towards his desired outcome will be so convoluted you couldn't possibly anticipate them! Lock down everything, operate in straight lines and do not deviate. (I'm another one who didn't get it and was completely shafted.)

There's some good stuff on the Emotional Abuse thread about loving a psychopath. You need to replace that love with something far more detached & efficient asap, but I understand this path can be a tricky one.

You are fabulous. Your children will be fine. You'll be fine. It'll be lovely to be free of all the games, very soon. Wishing you well.

garlicsmutty · 06/07/2013 21:45

... It is very horrid to discover you've been in love with a construct. Explore this unnerving facet of your character later on. For now - write out what you want and need, protect yourself and your children, and gather good people around you. Remember to eat, sleep, find something to laugh at everyday. You know.

IhearyoubutIcantfeelit · 07/07/2013 18:17

Wow, garlicsmutty, thank you so much for your posts. I have never had it spelled out to me in such clear and concise words that he can never love. Whatever feelings he is trying to conjure up now I must remind myself that this is just another mask.

Now all I need to do is heed the advice and stay away. I have left the kids to pick up the phone and have avoided comms. I sent a risk scan of the baby but no words after he hounded me for it.

I have been on the relate website to find out more info. I would like to find a way to make him stick to plans. I have left a message on theanswering machine of the solicitor asking if she would kindly slot me in next week.

As you all have said I have called the estate agent and said to deal exclusively with me. I have told him what is going on. He knows my parents and has known us for ages. He will speak only with me. He suggested to stall any visitors until I have spoken to a lawyer.

I have to look at your link and find out what a construct is.

H is weirding me out. He left lots of connected messages on my answering machine. He wants to break it off if I cannot drop it and turn over a new slate. He doesn't know if he can ever love me like he is supposed to. He hasn't loved me in the way I deserve and that's why he did what he did. BUT if I wanted to be with him we had to have lots more sex, kinky sex, dress up sex, I had to jump him on the sofa, kitchen counter, etc

I would have to stop nagging him or Criticizing him at all costs and speak in a loving way with him. I am too uptight and and and

I mean what is he smoking? How can I stop him leaving these messages? He is crazy right? I only listened to two messages, there are 5 more blinking on the machine.

OP posts:
IhearyoubutIcantfeelit · 07/07/2013 18:21

What are psychopaths? What are they made of? Is this genetic? I am worried for my kids.

Are there people who can have a relationship with them? I don't think anyone could suffer this constant emotional void,the lack of empathy for any length of time.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 07/07/2013 18:23

He is completely mad. No one sane could leave those messages. Disengage.

IhearyoubutIcantfeelit · 07/07/2013 18:48

Thank you Chub. Been out with the kids all day in the garden. Saw the AM blinking and listened to one message and the second but stopped half-way through. He is off his rocker. No sane person would propose things in such a cold, unfeeling voice. Zero emotions.

I am reading the link about surviving psychopathy and genetics. It so fits the description.

I wish he would stop calling.

OP posts:
garlicsmutty · 07/07/2013 19:00

Yes. He is crazy, in the old fashioned sense. Psychopaths exist in every culture; even remote tribes have a word for them. Their brains develop and respond in different ways from 'normal' but it's unclear as yet whether this is genetic or a consequence of early trauma. Experts tend towards the view that there's a genetic predisposition (I believe at least one gene has been identified) but environmental factors determine whether a personality disorder will develop.

People with the disorder 'feed' off other people, materially and emotionally. They're always having relationships! I imagine it would be possible to stay married to a psychopath, provided his criminal and violent activities were not too extreme, but it would take an unemotional, extremely detached partner who wasn't bothered about monogamy - and had masses of insurance!

There's plenty to read on this subject; for now it's more logical to focus on you, your needs and your children's, rather than expending yet more energy on him and his dysfunction.

Don't try to outwit or out-game him. He's been a player all his life, you cannot anticipate him. Don't bother calling him out / confronting him, as he'll resort to ever more dastardly manoeuvres if he feels cornered. You may well be successful in setting and holding clear & simple rules, such as "Don't leave more than two voicemails per day, I will only listen to the first two," and "I'm not interested in getting back with you to have kinky sex, please stop asking." Please do keep logs of everything. As you know, he can be very plausible and a time may come when you need evidence of his unreasonableness.

A construct is a fabrication; a made-up person or scenario. Like a castle in the air.

garlicsmutty · 07/07/2013 19:04

Thanks for your feedback, by the way :) Much appreciated!

Really, the urge to learn all you can about this will be compelling but PLEASE guard against becoming more enmeshed in his weirdness. There's time later - when you and DC are all settled, calm and looking back in amazement.

Well done on the calls.

DorisIsWaiting · 07/07/2013 20:09

The messsages are his way of luring you back in and retaining control, essentially it is to offer you your old life back but with new terms and condition- so not your old life at all ! But one where he holds all the cards in regard to everything, even your body ... with sex on tap whenever he wants it. He knows you are pregnant and more vulnerable and he is hoping that this would be a good time to write the contract between you. (You'll not there was nothing in the first two messages about what he will do for you?) He is follow a well worn script sadly.

DorisIsWaiting · 07/07/2013 20:10

rewrite not write Blush

IhearyoubutIcantfeelit · 08/07/2013 11:15

Thank you garlicsmutty, yes I know It is fruitless to spend the day obsessing over his crazy arse. Personalitywise I am a fixer, a mediator wand want to repar things. It is very hard for me to accept that he cannot be fixed, my marriage cannotbe repaired and my children will suffer if I continue to hang onto a man who is treating my like this.

I have been to the bank this morning to set up my own account and tell them about our plan to separate and to watch big withdrawals. We both need to sign it but anything over 300 pounds will need both our signatures. We will need to sell this house to allow himto continue working abroad and I will have to find something smaller to set me and the kids up.

We are southwest of London. I will probably need to rent as I do not earn and will probably not be given a mortgage. I really need to see a solicitor but have heard nothing back yet.

The kids wonder why I am so absent minded but I have so much stuff to sort out it is unreal. I have canxed sky and various other subscriptions to save money and put some away for myself. I felt awful doing this but I feel I may need it if he realizes that I have taken his advice and am building a life alone with the kids.

Yes Doris, he is offering me a "post-nup" with absolutely zero in it for me.
I basically have to put out more, eat shit sandwich, be bonnie and blithe all to be married to him and not the single Mum with four kids. Gee, thanks.

OP posts:
DorisIsWaiting · 08/07/2013 11:58

Really glad you are looking at protecting yourself.

Have you taken legal advice regarding moving out? I only ask as financial settlements may take into account your ability to provide a stable roof over your dc's head. i.e. If you can afford to live in your present accommodation (with whatever CSA he will be paying) you may be able to remain resident for as long as the children need to be housed their (i.e. when the youngest turns 18) regardless of his need for the money to set up a home overseas... His needs most definitely does not trump yours, the children come first!. Why can he not rent?

Please please please get legal advice on this before you start thinking about what you need to do. (I know you already have this on your list to do).

AgathaF · 08/07/2013 13:50

His messages to you have truly shocked me. How dare he leave such insulting rubbish on your phone.

I'm really glad you are sorting money and house sale. I really hope you get a sol appointment quickly. He is obviously a master manipulator, used to getting his own way, so you need legal protection as soon as possible.

garlicsmutty · 08/07/2013 14:03

Well done, Ihear. It's true, you are amazing!

I was about to say what Doris has said, about the house. In a 'normal' divorce, a court would be likely to award you the house until the youngest child is 18, and to make XH keep up the mortgage. It seems quite likely he would not honour such a judgement, though? I'm assuming there is equity in your house. You will get more than half the proceeds of any sale, due to the need to house your children.

Placing a spousal charge on the property will alert you to any attempts to remortgage it, as well blocking a sale. You do need a solicitor, and a strong one. But please register the property charge right now, if you haven't already. Please lock down everything, including that which you still feel "he wouldn't" do to you. He would - even finding it amusing.

Have you thought about calling Women's Aid? Their experience is unparalleled; they may be able to forewarn you of some pitfalls.

IhearyoubutIcantfeelit · 08/07/2013 16:45

Hi Doris, as I still haven't heard back from the former Sears Tooth partner I am assuming she will not take me on because she knows my husband and it may feel unethical to her. I have now made an appointment for Friday with another lawyer in London. It's a big successful firm, not sure how to pay for it but I have some unaccounted for cash so may as well spend it on myself and the kids.

I really really need to see a lawyer. Someone recommended a cheap kindle book on amazon about dirty divorce tricks, thank you you kind lady!! I have devoured this and feel a bit better for it. Quite pathetic of me to feel better for wanting to even the playing field.

Thank you garlicsmutty, I have found the link for the land registry and my Dad helped me do it. I will still need to speak to a lawyer about how to proceed with all our belondings, assets abroad. I am very certain that should hard times befall him or a new ladyfriend come along who needs taking out around town he will NOT honour any commitments and promises made to me/us. I have seen it time and time again, he promises something, then finds a way to weasle out of it, in our relationship, with his family, with staff, with contractors. People perceive him as not trustworthy. Yeah, small wonder, hey?

I cannot keep the house if there is no support from him. If all things were to go to ratshit I could probably live with my parents for a few weeks, months but it would put enormous pressure on us all. My parents are also old and financially stable but tight as they don't have big pensions. Sigh, I just know this will all end in a big mess.

I could really slap myself for getting pregnant. I have thought about not having this baby in the last few days, really seriously thought of it. I'm classed as a high risk pregnancy and will be all alone with everything. I am afraid of the uncertainty coming my way. But I cannot bring myself to forget the galloping sound of the little heart or the bean pictures. I once had an abortion early in the relationship with H, he pressured me into it and I didn't want to be the woman who caught him by means of getting pregnant. I have never gotten over this loss, the pain of the sacrifice. I am certain that this was when my heart started to cold towards him all those years ago, nearly a decade now.

OP posts:
IhearyoubutIcantfeelit · 08/07/2013 17:50

Thank you Agatha, appreciate all the input and support.
My parents are coming over tonight when the kids are asleep so we can talk through all our possibilities. They are absolutely furious, I could tell my Dad would like to get his shotgun out...

OP posts:
garlicsmutty · 08/07/2013 17:53

The more you share about this man (I'm sure things are coming back to you, as well,) the more certain I feel that you and DC will be far more secure, happy and successful without him. You're competent to make a good life from reduced circumstances; you're a putter-inner, while he only knows how to take.

It sounds as though there will be some equity in your house, and you may be able to rescue some of the other assets. If this can tide you over a year or two of renting, you'll have space to reshape your family life and make your plans. Don't dismiss any offers from friends, if they have spare properties they could lend you ... and keep locking things down!

Rooting for you. Pompoms at the ready.

beachyhead · 08/07/2013 19:16

I'm so pleased your parents are coming over. Hopefully they'll be able to help you work out what to prioritise next. I think you've done amazingly well and you are gradually moving down your list and battening up the hatches.
Don't feel sad about your pregnancy. You five will be a new family, all together. But I do appreciate its doubly hard going through this when pregnant.
You will be free soon, you may move, you may work, you certainly will enjoy your children's every moment, and you will do it without this self obsessed lunatic man threatening your happiness.

beachyhead · 09/07/2013 14:28

How are you today? I hope seeing your parents was helpful and not too distressing, picking it over.

When is your h due to return from his extended business trip?

Kundry · 09/07/2013 19:06

So pleased your parents are backing you and you have some real life support. The more people you tell, the more support you will get - you will be surprised how many people suddenly announce that the always knew your H is a bastard but just couldn't tell you.

Hope you see solicitor soon as well.

Ezio · 10/07/2013 10:14

you will be surprised how many people suddenly announce that the always knew your H is a bastard but just couldn't tell you

That is true, its always the partner who knows last.

Glad your getting help and support OP.

Lweji · 10/07/2013 11:43

BUT if I wanted to be with him we had to have lots more sex, kinky sex, dress up sex, I had to jump him on the sofa, kitchen counter, etc

Tell him to fuck off? Preferably to the far side of fuck and fuck off some more?

So, he cheated and you would be on trial? FGS.
Just delete the messages without listening to his drivel, or turn the answer machine off.

Blu · 11/07/2013 10:14

How are you OP?

I am very pleased you are seeing a lawyer.

Please do not assume, yet, that you cannot have a house. Take all your documentation with you, demonstrating how you put equity into the house etc. And any proof of his assets that you have, including pensions, bonds, savings. Make photocopies of every scrap of evidence that you can fond from his documentation of assets.

You are doing the right thing.

And no, he will not change. In fact not only will he not change, he will get worse. he will get worse becuase unfortunatley the biggest and most pernicious effect of emotional abuse is to take away your ability to withstand it. So the more abusive he is, the less you cna fight it.

You are string - you have already seen and described how he has sapped your energy. You can reclaim your strength and energy for YOU.

Good luck with the lawyer.

And you are doing well keeping away from listening to his messages etc.

"he doesn't want to be with me because it reminds him of his bad deeds." You know that is crap, right? He just maks up a justification that seems to put the blame on you - YOU are the reason for the break up because you remind him....what absolute crap. He is messing with your head. Keep your head to yourself and don't let him in - as you are doing.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 11/07/2013 22:02

I hope you have seen a lawyer and everything is getting sorted.

I also hope seeing your parents has made things a lot easier. It really does help to talk things through sometimes, doesn't it?

beachyhead · 15/07/2013 16:34

Hope all is ok, op.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page