Darling, you are an amazing woman! I certainly agree with everyone else's posts - and you are hearing from some pretty bloody amazing women themselves 
OK. Why did he do it, how could he hurt you so much, does he not see what he's doing, etc, etc? You answered these questions, and all the others, in your first post. He scores high on the Hare scale. I assume you mean Robert Hare, the world expert on psychopathy, not fuckwittery or any watered-down versions of narcissism. Hare himself links to this site for ex-victims. From the home page:
Psychopathy is a personality disorder signified by a pattern of lying, exploitiveness, heedlessness, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, low self-control, and lack of empathy and remorse. Those who are affected may appear normal thus increasing their ability to effectively prey on others.
People severely affected with psychopathy have a false belief in their own superiority, a sense of entitlement and a complete disregard for social norms. They therefore leave a long trail of victims and survivors over the course of living their lives. Their victims include strangers, friends, lovers, co-workers and family members.
Unable to love, feel remorse or show any trace of guilt, they survive by charming, conning and manipulating others. Because they are impulsive and do things that hurt other people, psychopathic individuals are also called "antisocial" by mental health professionals.
... He did it because it's all he knows how to do. To psychopaths, other people are prey. Most are quite self-aware but see no reason to change; it serves them well and, being devoid of compassion, don't much care about any damage they wreak.
I think it was the absence of compassion that made his attempt at "knowing how you must feel" jar on you. It may be small comfort to realise that, in making that effort, he tried to conjure up the quality he lacks, just for you. With ongoing experience, he will get better at estimating his victims' feelings ... I'm sparing a thought here for his third or fourth wife, and maybe you will too, one day.
Don't trust him. Follow the advice of these good Mumsnetters. While he's unlikely to act out of deliberate malice towards you, remember he cares only about himself and cannot do otherwise. If he's anything like my ex, his machinations towards his desired outcome will be so convoluted you couldn't possibly anticipate them! Lock down everything, operate in straight lines and do not deviate. (I'm another one who didn't get it and was completely shafted.)
There's some good stuff on the Emotional Abuse thread about loving a psychopath. You need to replace that love with something far more detached & efficient asap, but I understand this path can be a tricky one.
You are fabulous. Your children will be fine. You'll be fine. It'll be lovely to be free of all the games, very soon. Wishing you well.