Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

Oh god Tigsy I'd almost forgotten his Little Friend! So much shit from one man. Definitely going to see if I can seduce Alpha very soon - in fact, it's not a matter of that, even, it's just a question of getting us somewhere private with a bedroom ie his house and it will all follow I'm sure. I have pleasant suspicions about him too Nora - ease please let us be right!

They used to do cupping in this country too - mad King George was frequently cupped and given clysters to drive out the ill humours, pretty bad plan.

Spangled glad to hear that about your gran, have a lovely time with her. I wouldn't worry about messaging someone you almost know, it could well be a good thing. How did you leave it?

SS wish I could do the no hangover thing too, you lucky so-and-so!

hi there wondered if I could join again. I was on here a while ago (before snape met nameless!)

I'm on OKC and not exactly looking for a 'relationship' after someone ripped my heart out a few months back.

Is anyone else finding they got loads of messages in the last 2 weeks since the sun came out? It's a bit weird.

Anyway thought I would share a cautionary tale or two. I am 40 but for whatever reason got a few messages from younger guys recently (not before this month).

I've realised it may well be dangerous to date while horny and brokenhearted. Particularly this weekend when was messaged by an (ahem) MUCH younger man with an older woman thing (getting a few of those recently, don't think i'll go there again). He was funny and straightforward and was talking about having to go at midnight to catch his train back to the home counties... anyway he missed it... with him being so young and looking a bit lost I said ok he could come back and stay at mine as I had spare room (yeah I know :/) I really thought he was a bit lost and wanted to help him out. Anyway I was drunk and nature ended up taking its course as I was pissed, he was very insistent and did not sleep in spare room.

Ahem not my finest hour. He was really off and weird in the morning, dropped him back to station, felt awful, hungover, old and hideous. Thought I would text just to be friendly and since was vaguely worried he'd have problems getting home.

The reply I got kind of chilled my blood. I had said nice to meet you etc hope you got home ok. He replied 'same here. Any diseases I should be checked for? :-p x'.

That kind of chilled my blood and may have put me off casual sex for life. I mean... urgh. Just urgh.

So now I'm going on second date with a bloke more my age. Plus one who is claiming to be 50, is a musician using his real and I've already googled and found he is 56. I mean why???

Anyway feeling rather sick at the last encounter and like I may not be in the right headspace for this. :/

But then most guys (and particularly more mature guys) are not so creepy. I know that. It's just clearly my radar is dented.

Nora I don't know why I sound diffident about poker man - I've got a date with him in August, we exchange messages about general stuff, he's definitely not saying anything strange, no red flags. But he's living in Wembley, I'm 80 miles away, he's older than me by quite a bit?but he's kind of like me in a way.

As for RL guy there's a small but very significant issue. i'm older than him. By about a decade. So really I don't think it's a goer, I was prob imagining things and making more of it because I quite fancy him and was surprised to see him there. .

I'm definitely in the 'if a bloke likes you he'll let you know' camp. If I like a bloke I tend not to let him know unless I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated.

hostess casual sex guy was a prick, end of .

you did nothing wrong. i wouldn't blame yourself at all.

but yes, if you feel like you need to review your headspace a bit then do so - i know its helped me a LOT to take time to work on myself so my "picker" isn't broken and i'm clearer about what i want.

(and it doesn't have to be a year out of celibacy, keep your online dating profile up, see what it throws up, but run it alongside working on yourself -maybe review past relationship behaviour, make sure you're as content and sorted in other areas of your life as you can be in this stressful world.)

Oh Hostess urgh that's so horrible. Do you think he's trying to tell you something? Very weird thing to write. Sounds like a bit of a one-off for you, maybe your plan B with the older men will be a better way for you to meet someone on the right wavelength.

oh god oww do you think he's trying to tell me HE has got something??

God. I did use condoms. Fuck.

I did text back 'yes actually i can guarantee I'm disease free, can you? have a good week' (no reply). I can indeed guarantee it as was checked out after my ex left me 2 months ago (I didn't trust that git :))

It was very much a one off. I think my radar was right out, I only met him because he was insistent and also seemed friendly rather than predatory (yeah right).

But what a fucking vile thing to say. I just don't get it. Passive aggressive writing too..

My friend thinks he's having a shame attack at having slept with an older woman who is 'loose'. Gah just vile. Unforgivable even in a young man.

lurking... ah that happy headspace :D I dream of it. Think I may have jumped in too soon and not making right judgements. Or maybe casual dating is just too emotionally dangerous when you're still smarting.

the way he tries to shame you ...creepy and all about HIS issues. maybe mother issues, who knows?

(i would've been tempted to text him back, go YES and then not reply to any more texts leave it at that )

ps can i just say as well, its not "for this thread" but it does my fucking nut in when people "use" STDs or the threat/thought of them for shaming people like its the mark of God for sinners and you're diseased and broken if you have one.

I don't know Hostess it's just such a weird thing to say. Would creep me right out. I think casual dating can be a bit difficult emotionally anyway, it doesn't really work for me at all. Are you just dipping your toe back in the water and not wanting anything serious at the moment?

OWW made a very good point about "trying to tell you something" maybe go down the clinic again?

(and i'll be your thread buddy on this as that was a reminder for me that i'm overdue for a test too )

Hi, can I join you, u seem a good bunch. I'm a single 41yo with the odd dilemma lol

urrrrrghhh. God maybe he does have something.

You're right though, if he's trying to shame me it's because HE feels ashamed. It was him pushing it all the way though.

Yeah OWW it DID creep me out. That's exactly what my friend said too 'urgh how creepy' especially with the :-p x bit after it! Vomit!!!

lurking for my many sins he is the first guy I've slept with since ex buggered off 2 months ago. That's why I was so bloody weak, I've been gagging for it!! But still, judgement needs to be exercised and I wasn't.

I was tested after ex. But yes maybe need to again. Condoms should work shouldn't they???? gah.

My friend thinks he's having a shame attack at having slept with an older woman who is 'loose' What?

Hostess I hope your friend meant that in a supportive way i.e. it's him that has the problem. I do find some women, possibly because they can't imagine a younger man would fine an older woman attractive, insist that younger men only them for sex. Not been true at all in my case ever in RL, on OD only a few POF chancers but then I find POF is full of chancers. Don't let one knobber put you off. He is one creepy arse.

Lorna agree, time and time again we still get women on MN talking about the 'shame' of going to an STI clinic post cheating. I know the are traumatised by a partner's affair but going to an STI clinic is not the biggest problem.

hostess I think he gets 'twat of the day' badge.

Yeah OWW I'm still hung up and heartbroken. But also horny :/ my downfall. And bored. Combo which has led to this unpleasant experience... gah. Well they aren't all like that I hope.

I do have a second date with a more mature guy coming up. He is into open relationships which sounds ok to me. More to the point is 39. Better I think... just feeling very creeped out by this latest bit of nastiness and feel like hitting the sofa for a bit, but I've promised now! And most blokes expect a shag on the second date eh? hehehe
x

western thanks! I just sent a quick message about how he's a web developer and I'm an account manager so I'm probably the bane of his life. He mentioned that he plays rugby so I said I enjoy watching and mentioned a match I'd been at this year. All fairly innocent! It only clicked in my mind after I'd sent the message. We'll see if he replies!

Juliette yeah my friend did. He meant that this guy obviously talks the talk but can't actually handle the idea of casual sex with an older woman.

Yeah I wasn't ashamed at all at being checked out after ex left. I thought if I were goiing to start over as well it ws the sensible thing to do.

Twat of the YEAR I think wisey. I am just stunned at how I attract wankers (ex was of a different ilk.. he wouldn't ever have said something as crass as that though...) Radar off. Clearly.

Ha! I should have texted back YES as Lorna said but you never think of the good rejoinders quickly enough eh.

i am VERY annoyed at both my "prospects" right now

1. european one

flight is late, ok he can't be blamed (i've checked online for arrival time) and waiting for him to text so i can meet him at his home, but its just a bit "socially awkward" as its getting fairly late now!

1. scandinavian

meeting tomorrow, i was excited but getting a bit of a "blase" vibe from him -not sure if its the language barrier, but he seems a bit "ok, i'll let you know when i'm done at work" like not really acknowledging the fact that i'm going out of my way a fair bit to meet him? he works in an industry full of pretty things so maybe the prospect of meeting someone new isn't as exciting for him?

hmmmm

Ok Hostess I thought your friend was a woman, I've heard it a lot when I've been dating (much) younger men. I had to work my way up to get to my own age and seem to have finally managed it .

This thread should probably stage an 'awards ceremony'.

We could have categories. The mind boggles.

yeah Juliette

i mean we wouldn't shame someone with eczema or a cold sore or a midge bite so just cause its to do with their privates its "shameful"? a lot of the better known ones are easily controllable with drugs. of course safe sex is important, but i don't like the way "going for a test" sometimes is presented in a "threatening" way?

ps must say i love the whole "not making eye contact" thing in the waiting room. also i struggle with "legs open when they're looking at IT" conversation. "so where did YOU go on holiday this year?"

Hello Chirps how are things going? Dilemmas our speciality, post away!

It is a bit late Lorna - are you going to leave it? Could well just be the Scandi's style of talking, hang fire til you see what he's like in person.

Looks like I've got Alpha to cook for me on Thursday

OWW

Yuk hostess hold your head high, he was weak and disorganised at best or predatory in reality and I hope you enjoyed it at the time, for what it was. Horrible to text that and he will one day realise that, or if not, be a lonely chappy.

lorna hope it works out tonight and tomorrow will be another day... Making an effort when it doesn't feel worth it is irritating and bad taste worthy but it could just be language thing...

Chirps... Do share