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Original poster

Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 02/07/2013 07:46

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
  8. loo update is mandatory
OP posts:
akaWisey · 15/07/2013 07:32

Flipper I don't know. Thing is, I have his number and he has mine from way back when I separated and he came round to change the passwords on the computer so ex h couldn't access any of my accounts.

I think we're both invited to a mutual friends birthday party this Saturday. We were talking about it at breakfast. So maybe sooner rather than later?..he's known to be a bit of a dark horse where relationships are concerned. Nobody ever knows he is seeing someone until it's a done deal. He was terribly cut up some years ago when he lived with a woman and her DC's and she had an affair. Since then, he's not had a serious relationship.

But he's very good natured and helpful (see above). And I've never bought him the beer I promised him for coming round (twice) to sort my IT out??.

ALittleStranger · 15/07/2013 09:00

Wisey it all sounds very exciting. There's something about the bureaucracy of OD that makes these "does he, doesn't he" frissons in real life more exciting.

I appear to have agreed exclusivity with my "fling". I'm really not sure what I want brain is addled by sex hormones but it feels cleaner this way. I was in danger of a bit of love rattish behaviour and need clear boundaries it appears!

scrazy · 15/07/2013 09:26

Wisey, fingers crossed he makes a move on Saturday. I go with the notion that if a man wants you he will let you know. Although I have been in a positions where men have said I didn't give them much encouragement. I take that to mean they expected me to throw myself at them. Not a good start so no loss.

LT and me are failing at breaking up, I'm not agreeing to see him but.... What will be will be.

OhWesternWind · 15/07/2013 09:30

Can't stop thinking about bloody LM, this is no good at all. Haven't texted or anything but this is driving me up the wall. Feeling really low and upset. I want to see him so much but I just know it is an incredibly bad idea, need to stay strong on this one. Sad

Secretservice · 15/07/2013 09:31

Quick hello, to chivvy OWW. Massage update if you please!

Secretservice · 15/07/2013 09:35

Oh crap! Sorry OWW horrible cross post. You do need to stay strong, chuck. Not only was he bad for you while you were with him, remember whatever it was you discovered later. He is no good. He will hurt you again

Newstart13 · 15/07/2013 09:35

oww will pm'd you

Hi everyone else wisey real life anticipation - not sure how to do that one!? Maybe we should create RL rules too... Or work out the tweaks to the OD ones!

OhWesternWind · 15/07/2013 09:49

Well SS just went for a meal with Alpha last night, all very low key but nice chatting, bit of kissing on the pavement outside, got beeped at by a bloke in a van, really funny. I think he's working up to inviting me over to his, talk about cooking me a meal, so I am going to say I'll go over to his when we sort out about doing something in the week. Need this to progrses now!

You are right about LM, he is a dead loss, awful, but he has just got to me somehow.

Bant · 15/07/2013 09:51

if a man wants you he will let you know

Nope. Not if he's not getting signals. You don't have to throw yourself on him, but you've got to give him some indication that you like him back. Wrists, hair-flicking, long lingering gazes, all that stuff. If a woman doesn't give off the right signals, I'll just keep things platonic rather than be the bloke who keeps coming on to women who obviously aren't interested..

Secretservice · 15/07/2013 09:56

oww Sounds lovely and calm and, well - nice! All adjectives you couldn't apply to LM! Please don't let him mess with your head too much, it will affect how you are with Alpha, eventually, and he sounds far too good for you to want that to happen. ((hugs))

Newstart13 · 15/07/2013 09:57

Habant fair enough!

It's hard not to be too full on, I am very straight, if someone says they want to see me again at the end of a date for e.g. I may not respond immediately as its hard, but I will text to say I would like that to (if I would, and that I wouldn't if I wouldn't)

Can't bear games.

Incousiance is good though.

When is frenchgirl over, is that tomorrow?

scrazy · 15/07/2013 10:04

Fair enough Bant, but am I right in thinking keeping things platonic is a way of thinking I will make a move if she shows she is interested in the future, rather than thinking, OK let this one go.

Bant · 15/07/2013 10:05

Yep, Frenchgirl arrives tomorrow night, I'll meet her at the airport.

No word from Aruba - she'd agreed Monday (although we hadn't specified a time or place, just the day) - she's actually been away for the weekend so may not have read the mail - although she did log on.

Ah well, c'est la vie.

Newstart13 · 15/07/2013 10:10

Annoying re Aruba. Polite to reply though especially if today earmarked for a meeting.. is the social etiquette very different in Hungary?

I've now had 4 texts in a row from someone been idly texting the last few days. I just never got chance to reply between them.

He looks great and seems fun, but am not sure we are on the same wave length .. But don't want to mess him around..

Also have 3rd date with FP on Sat but that's been very platonic so am keeping my options oped - fair enough?

Bant · 15/07/2013 10:46

scrazy - I couldn't say what's going through his head. I've had platonic friends who I've been interested in at first, then when they've shown no interest I've just seen them as mates, nothing more.

There was one I shared a house with a few years back, after a few months (when she'd become attached to someone) she drunkenly told me she'd fancied me when she moved in, and I'd fancied her too, just neither of us showed it..

JulietteMontague · 15/07/2013 11:01

OWW why do you want to see him? Do you want him, what is it you'd want to get from it? because unless you want to be treated badly it isn't going to happen

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 15/07/2013 11:09

Morning all! Lovely w/e but no dates with Mr Lovely as I was away. I'm hoping to see plenty of him this weekend but then due to holidays I won't see him for possibly three weeks Sad

However, he has suggested going away for the w/e when I'm back so I'm Grin Grin Grin Grin We can't actually do what he suggested, but I'm going to mention going away again next w/e to see if we could do something else instead

I really like him an awful lot. We're in constant text/IM contact (he always tells me if he's going to be too busy to text so no awkward silences) and talk regularly on the phone. I'm beginning to feel like I don't see him enough (for my liking anyway!) but once the summer holidays are out of the way I have fewer booked arrangements so my child-free weekends are more available. Hopefully we'll be able to make a few more firmer plans then and it might feel more like a relationship rather than whenever I can fit him in, which is how it feels now.

I'm happy. I can't quite believe that I am - it's an unfamiliar experience for me Wink but I'm happy. I'm not thinking too far ahead at all, but he makes me happy right now and I'd like that to continue Smile

Good dating vibes to all!

JulietteMontague · 15/07/2013 11:10

Agree if a man wants you he will show interest doesn't work if you give nothing out and if you do still attract them youll likely get a man who sees a challenge mot you, men who don't care what you want and pester anyway, men who wear you down to win. All red flags longer term.

Newstart13 · 15/07/2013 11:11

title that's lovely Grin

OhWesternWind · 15/07/2013 13:15

Thank you SS - Alpha is lovely, and does what he says, and treats me well and is altogether a better person. I am not going to let this crap with LM spoil all this, will get myself sorted out before I see him again. Why I want to see him Juliette is of course because he will miraculously be a changed man, kind, caring, generous and thoughtful with no issues whatsoever, still be fantastic in bed and we will live happily ever after. Yeah right. I'm not going to do it, I'm really not. I'm going to think about him today and then that's an end to it, no more mention of him unless he pops up again - hoping so much that he will leave it if I maintain silence as this has been quite difficult.

Loads of good luck with the Frenchgirl Bant - really hope the visit goes well and she realises what she's missing.

Title just how very fab. So pleased for you. Lovely.

Moanranger · 15/07/2013 15:09

Scrazy OWW (and any one else being pestered by former lovers) I think this happens particularly when you start to move on and show an interest in someone else. They somehow find out/know and emerge, like cockroaches in the night! Ignore, move on, whatever it was, it wasn't love. Case in point:
Saw Meet Up guy last night after his weekly visit to DCs and as I predicted his XP is making her moves. Not working at all as she dumped him very unpleasantly about a year ago and he has no romantic feelings for her at all. My rational brain knows he won't go back, but my inner 14 year old gets rather freaked out. The difficulty of dating men with DCs they see regularly ( along with XPs). Like OWWs I think she sees him happy in a new relationship and wants to bugger it up.
Slight difficulty in how to respond - I try to listen sympathetically but have a hard time not chipping in with some what a bitch type comment, which I think is not the graceful approach. Bite my tongue. He is very nice man and she takes advantage of that. However, we had several hours of horizontal bliss Grin later, so all good.

Re man will show interest completely agree with bant they need encouragement, not necessarily "jump on my bones baby" but the lingering look, hand on arm, wrist-flashing, etc.

scrazy · 15/07/2013 15:28

Moan, I'm not moving on though, there is no-one else in my life atm.

KinNora · 15/07/2013 15:28

Good afternoon to everyone (even those of you who were revelling the other day in your ability to whip your bra off at the slightest hint of hot weather ) . I'm back from a day handling sweaty strangers, and not in a good way.

Title that all sounds wonderful, I'm really pleased for you.

Wisey you sound most unlike yourself when talking about Poker man, all diffident and cautious, do you think he could be a serious proposition ?

Scrazy you make sure you look after yourself with LT, don't be being mucked about.

OWW - Juliette's got this absolutely right, he's not worthy of you and you know it, I'm terribly sorry that he's upset you in this way - it's a bugger. shag Alpha

No word from Talent Show since Friday, I'm trying to decide if I can be arsed to text to check he's ok. How I weary of flakey men.

scrazy · 15/07/2013 15:29

Sorry posted too soon, meant to say don't worry too much about the ex. I would listen then change the subject and ride it out.

OhWesternWind · 15/07/2013 15:44

Hello Nora from a fellow hot-weather-bra-wearer. Don't get in touch with TalentShow, not worth the trouble especially if you're not planning to meet up. Just let him drift away gently and quietly.

I have a cunning plan for Alpha - who wants to bet me that I can get him into bed within the week?

Moan you are quite right and I love your cockroach analogy. How do they know? Just ignore the ex, steer him away from too much talk on that subject though as it's not nice to listen to. It's a fine line between listening and being supportive and making yourself miserable with sitting through great chunks of ex-talk.

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