Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 02/07/2013 07:46

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
  8. loo update is mandatory
OP posts:
Newstart13 · 14/07/2013 20:42

Good luck with the breeze spangled Wink

wisey agree that's a bit stalky but guess it depends how often etc... It's so easy to just totally rewrite people off, I do it all the time online.. And yet probably say some dim things myself..

Are you communicating offline?

Newstart13 · 14/07/2013 20:43

secret do you mean OD meant to be making you feel better? Soz am not up to speed.. Maudlin and teary sucks, hope Chabkis improves mood (and the gravy Smile)

akaWisey · 14/07/2013 20:46

No not communicating off line. I've just been on to see if I can block him and as soon as I went on he came online too. I feel like he's at his computer watching for when I come online. Don't like that at all. And I panicked when he came online so couldn't find how to block him!!!

Secretservice · 14/07/2013 20:49

God no New, the wine was supposed to make me feel better! OD as a distraction has it's uses though Grin but is failing me at the moment. It's real life I'm finding a trial!

Newstart13 · 14/07/2013 20:50

Oh shit. Might be a gut feel time...

I know it means giving out your number which is not ideal and some people even have spare dating phones!? But I always talk to someone before I meet them - think you can use Skype without the visual even to maintain anonymity - must look into that, anyone know?

spangledboots · 14/07/2013 20:56

Survived the breeze...not sure any onlookers appreciated the view, however?! Now I have wine and strawberries...anyone want to share? :)

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 20:59

akaWisey hmmm, my thoughts.

often i find the guys who insist on excess contact before the meet to be a real let-down/a bit weird IRL, almost like they're trying to "enjoy the fantasy" before they get turned down, as they've been on so many 1st meets where 2nd doesn't happen!

that said, the guy i dated last year did the same thing, but was just "limited social time, so like to chat as much as possible to "make the most of it"?

i was attracted to his profile and very attracted in person, so excess contact from him was welcome!

similarly the european at the moment seems to be quite "i'll send her a text every day" but i like him so don't mind, even though personally its not really my style, i like to text to "say something or arrange something". also i think some guys think "thats what women like".

question: do you actually like the look of his profile and are up for meeting him, or are you already feeling "meh"? i mean if someone you were 100% enthusiastic about was doing the same thing, would you be as Hmm by it?

there's no easy answer: its a fine line between "showing interest" and "looking desperate" and i guess some guys aren't socially skilled enough to spot the difference.

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 21:05

spangled i'd kill for a strawberry. i hope there will be a chance for some Pimms next week Smile

JulietteMontague · 14/07/2013 21:09

wisey if he has 'favourited' you then the system will pop up and tell him everytime you're on line and he may well be getting notifications of favourites coming on line by mail on his phone. If he's an IT guy then he may actually have a lot of stuff open whenever he is playing working on his PC. The mini red flag is asking you for dinner in the first conversation. You can turn off your chat thing too, I would just tell him you are just on checking your messages and not able to chat right now. Or don't answer him. If he then insists, block him.

akaWisey · 14/07/2013 21:10

Thanks lorna I've blocked him now. TBH if I'd liked him I'd probably still have felt put off by the idea that whenever I went online since Friday he has come online and tried to IM me. And I think he was expecting it to be a one-date-wonder so I reckon you're right.

akaWisey · 14/07/2013 21:13

Yes he favourited me. And he is in IT. And it gave me the willies.

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 21:16

mmmm that's a good one Juliette offer of dinner on first conversation, especially with someone local, seems to mean that they are a bit difficult or desperate. not always, but sometimes.

i had a very meh date with a guy who sent LOADS of messages, basically hinting that we could go to dinner, and he would take me away for holiday blah blah blah....meeting him he was a LOT less attractive than his profile, glad i just had 1 latte! Confused

the european and i just agreed to meet at (free) art gallery and then we extended out, he didn't try and "tempt" me with promises of a free night out.

(exceptions: i think if you're meeting someone long distance eg a military guy sometimes you need to "arrange something" substantial on a first meet simply because of the logistics of travelling)

JulietteMontague · 14/07/2013 21:18

Wisey have PMd you

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 21:19

do report back on how he is IRL akaWisey Smile

JulietteMontague · 14/07/2013 21:19

Lorna of they haven't a clue or any social skills Hmm

Newstart13 · 14/07/2013 21:24

Sorry secret that's really obvious now, the wine I mean! Hope you feel better Smile

Sounds creepy wisey but good to hear the wisdom on here re IT experts etc.

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 21:30

hmmm - I'm a fan of "arranging the meet" sooner rather than later. but for coffee or a drink NOT dinner! and yeah not in the first message, exchange a few first!

i think its the "trying to tempt her with promises of nice things/food to make up for the fact that i've been turned down loads" that rings alarm bells for me.

for a guy who dates in his league and is reasonable attractive, he should be confident his company is enough. ok maybe suggesting a park bench and a Thermos for a 1st meet might be TOO "out there" and frugal, and of course its nice for the guy to be helpful and masculine on the date.

but for me a guy who is promising taking me lots of nice events before even meeting is a bit Hmm. i don't even think its a "trying for sex" thing, just a lack of confidence because he's a bit weird to actually deal with IRL?

Secretservice · 14/07/2013 21:56

Reached the bottom of the wine now and surprisingly feel worse - such a waste! Sorry, wisey I can't add the conversation, I'm just the drunk friend in the corner tajing it all in and nodding along!

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 21:59

Wine Secretservice Smile

akaWisey · 14/07/2013 22:02

Thank you Juliette.

In the first conversation he asked me what I like and what I hate about myself. I thought 'hate' was such a strong word I could'nt answer the question (there isn't anything I hate about myself). He said he hated that he is 'too easy-going' Hmm.

I watched 'He's just not that into you" last night and it's made me think.

This morning I went for breakfast with a couple of poker buddies who do this every Sunday morning. The invite was out of the blue. Anyway I turned up and a bloke I've known for ages but don't see often was there. I've always had a bit of a thing for him but he'd never know. He's single. So I saw him check me out but there was nothing to suggest he fancies me (with the movie in mind of course). Poker buddies were interested to know how OD is going. I told them I'm leaving it in favour of trying RL. I thought he kept giving me sidelong looks but he didn't talk to me over much. He was nice though, we chatted. He's as normal as any bloke I know round here as far as I know.

Hard not to think he's been given the nod about my single status - we're such a gossipy lot here, we all know everything about everyone!!!

JulietteMontague · 14/07/2013 22:37

Wisey he was checking you out. Of course he's been given the nod, did you respond in any way? Wink

TravelinColour · 14/07/2013 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

akaWisey · 14/07/2013 22:46

Not really, I joined in the general conversation, exchanged a bit of friendly banter that sort of thing. I was playing it cool.

And I forgot to say - I've just moved very near to him, and the joke is we could see each other from the back of our houses and he was all for it!

Flipper924 · 14/07/2013 22:54

I think he likes you, Wisey, and I think it sounds like a set up! So when are you likely to see him again?

Secretservice · 14/07/2013 23:12

Hello Travel! I've never been on mysinglefriend but it sounds as if you won't get too much out of it if you don't pay up. You could try some of the free sites such as Plenty of Fish or OKCupid, which have served me reasonably well. But whichever site you join, make sure you look at the 'dating rules' at the start of the thread!
Good luck Smile