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Original poster

Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 02/07/2013 07:46

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
  8. loo update is mandatory
OP posts:
lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 18:15

hi NervousFisher

some random tips.

1. accept you're gonna have "some" nerves/excitiment

2. stay organised and do preparation in terms of having an idea of what you want to wear (don't mean designer duds but appropriate for location),

check location of meeting so you know where to find it, have phone number of person saved in your phone and also written down in case phone dies. know how you're getting there and back. you can get drunk if that's your style, sometimes its mine, but know how you're getting back safe in that case.

3. be courteous but open, work out what you do and don't feel comfortable with and stick to that? but also be open minded i.e. if the guy wants to extend the date or whatever doesn't mean he has sinister ulterior motives?

4. its a two way process - the other person has to engage as well? don't blame yourself if the date is meh or a bit of a disaster, we've all had loads of those. i think i had 5 match.com dates before i met one i felt Smile about.

bonne chance Smile

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 18:21

ps

Also to say that for starters, you can choose a very "low hassle" environment for 1st meets?

like when i first started OD I'd just meet in "city centre pub or coffee shop for a couple hours" and wouldn't travel to meet anyone, which was very convenient as i could just stop and meet in the evening after work then go home as usual. No additional travelling or going out of my way needed. could always extend and make it more interesting for the 2nd date!

spangledboots · 14/07/2013 18:22

Hi guys! Can I join in? Just made a huge discovery about a complete liar I'd been talking to online so feeling a bit fragile/cross/confused...

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 18:23

hello spangledboots Smile

spangledboots · 14/07/2013 18:23

Hi lurkinglorna :)

NervousFisher · 14/07/2013 18:31

Thank you so much lurkinglorna, that's really helpful. I'm most scared of awkwardness, I hate feeling uncomfortable but think I'm just going to go into it all with an open mind and might gain some amusing stories if nothing else...

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 18:32

mmmmm ...just had a wee look at your other post (I don't post off this thread, its scary Confused

i've found that if you don't get an OD meet fixed or scheduled in within a couple of weeks put them in the "dating site timewaster" pile?

especially if they are local, if they're not up for a meet then it could mean any one of a number of things - they could be a scammer or just some lonely weirdo or don't look like their pics

but most importantly for YOU is that they aren't available for dating, so you need to ignore them.

ps exception if they are very long distance or something - in which case i like to maintain contact if they sound promising but not just get hung up on them.

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 18:33

sorry spangledboots that last one was for you

OhWesternWind · 14/07/2013 18:35

Hi Fisher - it gets easier the more you do it, it really does. The first couple of times are the hardest, but maybe try not to think of it as a DATE but more a chat with someone, keep it all low key in your mind and think more about whether you like him than worrying whether he likes you. Good luck!

Hi Spangled - do you have a thread about this guy? If that is you, I think the best thing to do is put it down to experience and move on. Anyone who's cagey with information or cancels dates more than once or without a very good reason is best avoided, I think.

Winefiend · 14/07/2013 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 18:40

@ Winefiend BlushGrin

spangledboots · 14/07/2013 18:49

lorna - yeah, that thread is mine! I was furious when I found out but I had been a bit unsure of him anyway so I guess my gut was right! He is local but according to him he works away a lot (some of my friends do a similar job to the one he claimed to have and they also spend a lot of time away from home so I didn't find that too weird) I'll definitely know for again! One of 'his' images is coming up in the results for 20+ portuguese Google+ accounts and from a Finnish dating site profile set up in 2004. The other is of a guy who won some charity race! Not even the same guy! They do look very, very similar and he said one of them was a couple of years older. Gaaah. Such a fool! When we first spoke I really wasn't looking for anything serious and I stupidly let myself get in far too deep.

I've just started a new job and am dealing with my gran's terminal illness so I really have enough to be getting on with, eh?!

NervousFisher · 14/07/2013 18:50

Winfiend, I had rather a lot of medicinal vodka last night, for the hayfever Grin
Thanks for the advice OWW, will definitely view it as more of a chat than a date, think that will help me a lot actually.

Winefiend · 14/07/2013 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 19:00

Winefiend i'll take your sunburn and raise you some mossie bites. fucking small bastards.

i look very manky at the moment, thought summer was meant to be about looking all glorious and tanned in white linen dresses?

spangledboots sorry about your gran and hope the new job isn't too stressful.

just something to be aware of - for me personally i've found when i have a lot of stress in my "everyday life" my dating picker/filter tend to be a bit off, like i'm subconsciously looking for some distraction.

So i overlook things that i wouldn't when i'm happier and more relaxed? some of the more unpleasant guys i've chosen to meet or make contact with, were when i was unhappy and looking to lose myself in meeting someone new?

Not saying you need to take a break from dating - its nice to be out there - but just be aware that stress in "real life" can mean your dating judgement isn't as good as it could be fucking hell i MARRIED someone to escape from stress in my real life Blush

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 19:01

and he turned out to be a fairly bad choice

Winefiend · 14/07/2013 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkinglorna · 14/07/2013 19:03

STOP SHOUTING WINEFIEND

Winefiend · 14/07/2013 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spangledboots · 14/07/2013 19:36

That's a really good point Lorna - this is the first guy who managed to 'get to' me, if that makes sense? I've met five or six others and had a little bit of fun with a couple but nothing more than that.

It's kind of terrible that a guy I used to have a very, very casual thing with is on his way over, right? :P

Newstart13 · 14/07/2013 20:13

That's rubbish spangled ... You sound ok, hope you are. What a twunt.

oww glad quads cool and hope alpha hot Grin

Also glad you're still sitting on your phone Smile

nervous incousiance is the word... It's a tough look but does work... I really hope your dates are lovely ones.. They are out there...

I asked FP if he wanted to come to a RL event with me next Sat. It's to see a local show where I may know some people, but equally may not, and I just thought what the hell? We are even at holding hand stage so can just be a friend. Lovely that he wants to come and doesn't dick me around in any way, shape or form. What a nice chap. Date 3 though so need to be testing the chemistry but am taking it v v v slowly, in some ways I know it's early days for me so the pace is right.

Anyway. Just nice.

Beer and nuts for dinner. Did have a salad for lunch.

Hate sunburn and bites so Flowers for wine and lorna

Newstart13 · 14/07/2013 20:14

Oh and ate quite a lot of the kids tea too... Blush

spangledboots · 14/07/2013 20:23

Twunt is a new one for me :P thanks NewStart :) I'm off out to buy some wine...in a very short skirt. Hope there isn't a breeze!

akaWisey · 14/07/2013 20:24

Off the sofa until my subs run out on OD site. Ironically have had quite a bit of interest in last few days.

But one guy, lets call him IT man, IM'd me Friday evening and once I'd had a quick look at his profile I thought why not, so we chatted. He asked me for dinner on Weds and again I thought why not.

However - ever since Friday night each time I go online to check my messages or to just browse up pops IT man on the IM thing and it's beginning to piss me off to the extent that I think I might block him before the dinner date. It's intrusive. What do other people think?

Secretservice · 14/07/2013 20:25

I can't keep up with all the new voices, although I'm trying! And not sure I'm entitled to welcome you, but I pleased you've all found the very wise women - and Bant! - here

OWW Hope you've perfected your quad bike hobble and get your massage tonight Grin

No vodka here but the best part through a bottle of posh Chablis I've been saving since Christmas - need wine for gravy!

Hoped it might make feel a bit better about life -instead it's made me maudlin and teary. Surely, this is supposed to be one of the better parts of life - older children, reasonae income - why's it so bloody hard