Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

Joy that is a bummer and so lacking in class to send a dump message on FB. Rubbish. Like Bant said I am an advocate of forget the bugger and move on - it works well for me as I feel that I'm actively doing something rather than just sitting about mooning and moaning (not that you are) and it's a good distraction. But I know other people say take your time to get over things and get on an even keel before you jump back in. Whatever you feel suits you, really.

Lorna I am very excited about seeing Alpha tonight. No motorbike though. We are going out for a drink, nice country pub, should be beautiful tonight. He is coming to pick me up so there will be opportunities for a bit of hanky panky in the car . It's actually been a month since I started seeing him (not that I'm counting, I just know because first date was on a significant family date and it's stuck in my mind). Can't wait.

Bit of kissing with the European sounds good - are you going to see him again?

Good stuff with the second date Bant - where are you going to go? Queen tribute band?

whoop whoop for country pub OWW

yeah european texted today to arrange meeting on monday night he is away till then? i'm relatively free schedule wise so happy to oblige!

its quite a change for me personally, in the past i've been "ooh don't be too available blah blah blah" and not too open with my time. like trying to "prove" how attractive and desirable i was by being a bit hard to get.

but now i'm thinking, well the best way to suss out if we are compatible IS to spend time together, including low key time (last night was movie at his - he did offer "cinema trip out" but i wanted to stay in - i didn't fancy drinking so had a glass of tap water, so not so glamourous )

of course its early days (we met on sunday) so lets see what happens kissing was nice, too

ps was bit disappointed there was no "snuggling on sofa" during movie [hmm but kiss at the end made up for it!

Update...

Met let's call him FP for coffee which turned into a very enjoyable lunch. Great conversation and think I fancy him...

Have date with TW which has been arranged for a few days tonight. Really don't want to go but will. Just don't think I'll fancy him and think its a bit soon for him... But I said I will and am no vanisher..

2 in one day over kill but I had a very rare day with no work and kids in school! Hiked 8 miles before the date so he very much found me as I am haha.. Did warn him and he just fitted into plans I'd already made. Really lovely and natural actually

joy that's mean, hate fb. Hope you're ok, loads of support here.

oww have a great night

lorna sounds good

at some chemistry with FP NewStart

ps hiking EIGHT miles? high five to you, not easy in this heat!

Buggerbuggerbugger

I've arranged date 2 with Aruba for monday, and it slipped my mind when booking my flight back from the UK.. Now I land at midnight, which is probably a bit late for sushi.

Frenchgirl arrives on tuesday and is staying (in the spare bed) for 4 nights. I can't go on a date when I have a guest staying. So how do I reschedule the date without appearing like the disorganised moron I obviously am?

Ah thx lorna am too

Although.. 8 years older than me, what do you reckon guys?

I'm 39, he's 47.. Looks younger... He said 44 on profile but did tell me last night before I met him to be fair and reckons people search in the mid range - which I do! 35-45 for eg

He's texted to ask for 2nd date....

8 years is nothing! You feel there is potential chemistry, that's the main thing surely?

I think the "changing or omitting one or two things to appear in searches then tell them" is fairly common?

I done the same thing with say "divrorce" - actually don't tick the "divorce" box sometimes, then mention it in conversation as i go along.

As i KNOW some people will "search" for never been married but once they meet/see me they think different and are happy to continue dating. or even ethnic origin - i always get messages on match.com from men who have "white/caucasion" ticked and i'm not ha ha, so probably wouldn't show up in their "matches".

Bant

just ideas, interested to hear others point of view?

i actually think you should offer Aruba monday midnight date? as in even just a "look i've ruined scheduling but i want to see you, can we meet for just a coffee or very late night drink? phrase it so its not a "booty call" thing ha ha but could be quite romantic? so that she knows it not a "blow off" and can turn the plan down down herself, but know you wanted to stick to meeting?

and then....is there a reason why you feel you "can't" go out on a date when Frenchgirl is around? i mean leave her key and A-Z and she should be ok for an evening, no?

Cheers all for welcome and advice. Feeling ok about it all now- think it was a lucky escape tbh. With a clear head I can put together all the red flags and build a picture of a v controlling, manipulative person. Another potential abusive one I think. Lots of cancelling, rearranging and flaking dates, bitter talk of ex, ex apparently a nutter who made up allegations of abuse, lying about school he went to, blowing hot and cold, questionable things during sex- strangely asking for anal and being refused pre emptied our split v different behaviour when around his brother, loads of texts going off on phone all through night, FB full of young women and then glimpses in just little things and comments.. I can't believe I didn't act on these. But was enjoying the sex and focused on the kind and loving sides he projected. I think tho I was v on edge and uneasy about the relationship- then would try and over compensate by being really flattering and hoping to get more of that back from him. Meh. A model of how not to be next time round. Trust my gut

So thanks for the wise words- I'll be throwing myself back into OD later tonight

Lorna- interesting idea on the midnight date. She doesn't have kids so may be free, but I'd not get into the city till close to 1 so that would be pushing it.

I could give FrenchGirl keys I spose. Just seems wrong to go on a date when I have an ex staying. I know I'd be annoyed if she did it to me.. Plus it might put the kaibosh on sweeping her off her feet :)

Hi All

Just delurking to say hello.
All the same here, still with Ironman.

Enjoy the sunshine.

Bant I was all ready to say if you tell Aruba you've messed it up it shouldn't be a problem. It isn't but if you say you'd really love to see her that only works if she's free before Monday. If that goes well, she will work out immediately what having a 'friend' to stay will mean the following week when Date 3 should be on the cards. If she can't do it before Monday, ditto and it's even more insulting that you can't see her a) due to cock up (fine) and won't put it right because you have 'a visitor'. The only way out is to either swallow the cost of the flight or see her when French girl is there (which may do you good). After all French girl has said she just wants to be friends...

Basically, you're stuffed

OWW have a fab time tonight, break his tongue

yeah, i do think its likely she'll turn down the idea? but in terms of the social dynamic, that will be better than you telling her its being rearranged?

just my perspective (and i won't generalise to all women so lets see how others chime in ) i'm impressed if a guy was like "look it might not be perfect but i WANT to see you sooner" rather than wait for perfect evening and conditions? its more about "showing willing"?

(like this week, i've decided i'm keen enough on the european now that i won't log into POF until its run its course.

i think this is due to him projecting "look i really want to see you how can we make some time?" and us meeting in quite a haphazard last minute way this week? if he waited for his work schedule to clear so we could do formal "evening drinks and dinner" date we'd be arranging a 2nd date in a fortnight. and i'd have had the time and emotional energy to be connecting with other men)

and ok so if you don't want an "evening date" whilst Frenchgirl is here could you make an afternoon coffee with Aruba or something? just making face to face contact counts for more than "ok, we've got a nice date a week in advance"?

bonne chance joy

ps i meant to say "suggest midnight date then she turns it down THEN counter offer with something else" not "suggest midnight date then leave it when she says no". or present a list of options for meeting that she can pick from, with some input from herself?

Lovely :-)

OWW

bant I thought the French girl had told you she wasn't interested ..? Take her at her word .. Leave her to rest at yours while you go out for an hour or two

Where are OWW and lorna's loo updates???

OWW more info please .. It is newstart not lorna who has the date tonight .. Apologies ( and where's the loo update????)

i'm sitting in with an Asda Pot noodle kirsty no date planned for me tonight , but meeting european on monday.

Bit of a dilemma here!

norway guy has just e-mailed to say he is working in a neighbouring city, early next week - do i fancy coming for a drink/meeting ? we built up some good e-mail contact a few weeks ago? and i think there will be chemistry. i will have to get a coach though and timing will be tiring.

but i'm also thinking about concentrating on "locally based" european guy who i met last week?

funnily enough i would have had no objection to multiple dating a year ago, but now i'm "open to something more serious", i'm wondering if i've built things up enough with local european to concentrate on him? i do get the vibe he's basically offered me up ALL of his spare time since we met, so he's taking me fairly seriously. and i him, too, if i'm honest.

but then we only met on sunday?

argh. ffs. ffs. thought welcome!

Lorna we only met on sunday this. You have no idea yet if he will turn out to be what you think, you haven't had sex with him yet either. I would meet Norway guy.

How much do you really like European guy?

Back home now, lovely lovely night out. I really like this man a lot. Seeing him again Sunday. Oh goodness, he is such a nice man, great kisser, haven't broken him though Juliette. I am the smallest bit smitten. Got lovely box of chocolates too, he knows how to make me happy already