Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

mmmm, usain bolt.

So 2nd date confirmed folks. Bit freaked really as was , oh just a one off and will get me over the 'haven't been on a date for 20Years!!!! ' hurdle. He text me Sunday night , general chatty stuff then again yesterday ' how was your day' etc.
as someone who last dated when semaphore was used find this whole 'connected ' thing a bit strange. STBXH used to walk down to the phone box to call me twice a week!! I am dying to call him to ask about arrangements ( as I'm sorting it out) for date but think bring in contact again today 3 days running may seem a bit eager ! And don't want him to think I don't have a really. busy life and he's lucky I can fit him into my schedule I don't! :)

I mailed Aruba this morning to ask her on a second date. No word yet. She was online this evening.

Ho hum

Oooooh ooooh off to meet Alpha tomorrow! Can't wait, silly excitement levels already! I need to get a grip, feel like a daft teenager, it's ace .

'ace' - :)

Ah finger drumming... Hope she comes through for you bant but that tonight fruitful too.

oww

Raen go with the flow if you can.. Sounds very lovely

So is 2 dates in a day too much!?

Speaking to a pof chap who could poss do coffee tomorrow, already meeting TW in the evening...

Argh also texting someone else... I needed distraction but might have gone a bit far....

Does she have to sort out babysitters Bant? I don't always reply straight away as I have to text round and find a sitter and don't want to bore the bloke with all the minutiae of my domestic arrangements so I just keep shtum til it's sorted.

Raen all sounding good! I like the texting in between but I know a good few people think it's a nuisance, but every couple of days sounds okay. I remember going to the phone box late at night to call my long-distance bf when I was a student, there was always a queue of pissed people doing the same and having drunken tearful conversations with someone two hundred miles away. Don't miss it, for some reason, although it was quite entertaining when it wasn't raining.

New - two in one day??? Definitely need a Jezebel badge for that one!

Tigsy hope all is well in the new house

Nora how are you love?

surely if first dates that just an exploratory badge?

Hey Thread.

Have bought another dress..I need an intervention don't I? 'They tried to make me go to rehab but I said, 'No, no, no.'

X

WFF no, as long as you have somewhere to go all dressed up it's fine.

Bant, hope you get a second date.

Nothing to report here. I think my booty call man might have got fed up now as I'm unavailable, oh well, probably for the best. I don't really want casual. I want what I had with LT but with a normal guy next time.

got a bit of kissing with my cold European tonight, which is very fine with me

i am feeling guilty, i used his spare bathroom and noticed that his sink was leaking when i used it and forgot to tell him and now it is too late to text! fuck i hope he doesn't think i broke it

Just checking in to wave at thread! All settled in new home and adjusting to living with someone again, staying over and living with are not the same thing!

how come a 6ft 1 male hangs mirrors and puts hooks on backs of doors suitable for the height of a 3ft 11 midget?

Thinking of you all and now have got Internet connection again will have a proper catch up in a couple of days! Have a fab Thursday everyone! x

Congratulations on your new home, Tigsy!

Morning all

congratulations on the new place Tigsy. Don't worry about the sink, Lorna, I'm sure he won't blame you.

Good luck with Alpha today OWW

Aruba replied (after exactly 24 hours, to the minute) to say yes to a second date on Monday. I was beginning to worry a bit.

I ran into MedStudent last night at the expat evening, can't remember why I wanted to kiss her at one point. Oh yes, because we were both hammered.

Hi everyone. This thread makes interesting reading
As a beginner, I've got a few questions:

How long after first messaging exchange is normal to meet up with someone?

If messaging someone, is it normal to have a little internet chat with them everyday? It seems a bit... needy to me, but is that just how people do this?

I'm not looking for a major relationship, just want to have some fun, but if I say that, then the man gets all excited and thinks I'm after casual sex... What do you say you are looking for if you just want to meet a lovely guy for a casual relationship leading to sex later, if he turns out not to be an arse?

I've not had a date since I was 16, and I don't think that counts, so what on earth do you wear/do/say on a date?!!!

Hello Mama - I never really had dates til I started dating this time round - in my teens/twenties it was just go out with your mates and see what happens, used to work very well. It does get easier the more you do it, though.

I'd try and meet up as soon as possible, around a week to ten days from messaging, but this can slip a bit depending on babysitters and other commitments. But if you hang about too long it's so very easy to build up a picture in your head of a person who doesn't exist, and then when you meet it is very odd to reconcile this real life stranger with the mental image. If you don't want to chat every day, then don't, pure and simple. I think though a lot of people do like to chat on the site or by text beforehand, but if it gets on your wick then just don't do it.

Wear what you feel comfortable in, say whatever comes naturally. I've never had a problem finding plenty to chat about and I'm not the most naturally outgoing person either.

I wouldn't mention the "fun" beforehand as it is kind of a codeword for sex. If you meet someone you like, and would like to take things further with, you just need to have a bit of a conversation about not looking for anything long-term at the moment and see where it goes from there.

Have you got a date lined up then? [nosy emoticon]

Hello- can I pile in?
I've just been dumped on FB by someone I was seeing for a couple of months. He was pretty full on to start with. I made the fatal mistake of over investing too soon. I got completely carried away with the compliments, hot sex and perky texts. And he said he loved me. Which I now understand doesn't really mean a fat lot. Anyway, soon after reciprocating platitudes of love he cooled off, in the dump message I was clearly more into it than him and it wasn't fair to continue?!

So arrrgghhhhh and grrrrrrrrr. I know im well out of that but i need to stop giving it headspace. I'm in the process of divorcing h of 9 years. 3 kids.

Not sure whether to throw myself back in OD and find my frothy insouciance or avoid. I'd like the distraction and I think I'm better poised for the red flags which I ignored with this last bloke. But ah I dunno. Don't wanna be rebounding all over the shop. Advice please!

OWW I kind of nearly have a date (I think... Bit confused!)
I suggested meeting, he suggested dates (which I was busy on), I suggested dates (which he can't make), we are planning to meet up at the earliest opportunity... Maybe sometime in the next couple of weeks!?
I like his online-self, he seems fab. But not sure I want to do getting-to-know-you texts for two weeks...

joy at least you got some hot sex! That is harsh though. I think it takes a couple of months to suss people out. I'm quite suspicious of OD altogether! People can only tell you what you want to hear for a while before cracks appear if they are not genuine (or so I hope, what the hell do I know?!) I'm scared of the rebound too, maybe go cautiously?

And fun=sex, got it, thanks!

aye, second what OWW said bigstrongmama

in my dating experience, to get a casual relationship for a WOMAN they best way is to start "normal" dating without stating expectations, and wait till things happen naturally.

often naturally after a few months, your dating will peter out anyway. but you've then had sex, some going out and an interaction with someone new? so you're engaging with each other with the courtesy of formally dating, just not making plans for the future or expressing longer term commitment.

in my experience, the men who START with saying "let's be casual" or "this is just fun, right?" seem weird and socially clueless so they'd be rubbish lovers anyway, who wants that? or they'll think "fun" or "casual" means being really difficult to communicate with.

or they'll be the type who think SO highly of themselves they are convinced every woman they sleep with wants to marry them and bear their children, so have to "warn" them not to get attached, which is a very unattractive type to socially engage with.

yeah bigstrongmama thats a good policy of aiming to meet sooner rather than later! even if its just for an hour coffee then a big break before the 2nd date, its good knowing "yes, someone worth investing some contact time in".

joy i'd just treat it as a learning experience and get back into the fray!

you seem to have analysed it in a self aware way, so know you "know the pattern" you can bring that experience back into your next dating round.

certainly don't beat yourself up over it? i mean speaking from personal experience i've done things which i cringe at now, but that doesn't mean i should stick myself on the romantic subs bench for life.

i mean for OD you might not even meet someone dateable straight off, so no harm in having your profile up and seeing what you might catch?

mama - (I really want to write '..just killed a maaan' there)
OWW has it spot on here - no more than a couple of weeks if possible before meeting. If he hasn't at least mentioned meeting up before then, he's unlikely to. It's rare, I think, that a third week of chatting online makes you 50% more likely to 'click' - that really has little to do with conversation and more to do with chemistry.

Fail fast, fail cheap.

Do Not mention 'fun' or 'casual' - that's always going to be taken as you're looking for a fuckbuddy.

You could say 'Not looking for someone to live with' or 'Not looking for a husband' or something, followed by 'just someone interesting, funny, attractive and nice to spend time with' - that might get the message across.

Joy - sounds grim. It's really not fair if he says the L word first, you respond and it puts him off. What a dick.

Although it could be that saying that was a mental watershed of some sort and you suddenly felt more comfortable telling him about future plans, things like that, which scared him off? Sounds strange, I know, but saying it can mean something huge to some men, and less to others - it might be that he said it because it's just a word to him, and then seeing your response to it, it all became 'real' and too much responsibility. Dunno, to be honest.

Some people throw themselves back in - OWW did, I seem to remember - others take a break for a while. Maybe keep doing it but get more selective with who you meet for a while?

cool - 2nd date Bant

and OWW Alpha today!