Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

Bummer Louly

Keep us posted lorna hope he does what he says - always helps I find haha...

FB is hideous, and people use it to 'communicate' hideousness.. Is also weird how can see some peoples comments on other thing etc but not always.. Don't understand it. Have deleted my 'painful' fb 'friend'

wine how long is the course? Sorry am out of loop... Gut feel always the one...

Everyone else, hello, hope you're surviving the heat!

Well I was right that I wouldn't fancy him .. Bit of a poor me.. Too tired to do anything after work .. A bit shiny . Shiny lips.. Watery eyes .. Wanted to see me again I said 'eehhhhh .. No sorry' .. Ah well there's still Mr FriendofFriend on Saturday and I find him a bit attractive :)

Oh that was quick Kirsty and I can see why! Good on you saying no, I find that so difficult. Saturday will be great you know.

Good on you kirsty it's better to be honest..

Well, that ends your dilemma, Kirsty, and bodes well for Mr FoF.

I'm afraid I'm going to be all me me me again, because I really feel like I've done something wrong.

I was feeling much better over the weekend, having been dragged to the pub to watch the tennis on Friday, by friends who knew I was feeling fed up, then having a friend over to visit, but am feeling down about Mr 3DD again. Not that he's seeing someone else, that actually doesn't bother me - I knew where I stood, and barely knew him enough to like him rather than just fancy him physically - but that I now feel like I'm not good enough to be a friend, or that I've done something hideously wrong to make him think I'm a weirdo to be avoided.

I know some people have lots of friends, and don't need any more (though I don't actually understand it) but we did seem to get on well. I've wondered if he was worried about giving me the wrong impression, after we kissed, and has perhaps felt a bit uncomfortable, but there was conversation and banter, instigated by him, after that. He text within 10 minutes of me leaving his the second time I was around there (when there was no kissing). It really does look as though I got dropped when Pretty Blonde appeared. Any alternative theories? Are some people really like that?

I've realised that I feel like I used to at school, when you realise that the cool kid only wants to talk to you because there's no one else around. I think this is why I'm still agonising over it, when it's really not such a big deal. Aaargghhhh!!!!

On a brighter note, 2 out of 3 messages on OKC are from guys who are at least 10 years younger than me.

flipper he just wasn't for you .. Someone better will come along ... And you seem lovely to me .. The cool kids aren't always the ones who live happily ever after you know .. Maybe if you've not got a big circle of friends you should try meet up like some of the others on here ??

Thanks, Kirsty. Like I said, I'm not that fussed that he's not interested romantically (well, a bit, but hey, who isn't a little disappointed if they don't get asked on a second date). I've thought about meet ups, because most of my close friends are at least an hour away, but actually I'm quite happy with my friendship circle. I don't think I have a problem making friends usually!

You're absolutely right, though, if he doesn't want to be friends, that's his loss. For some reason, that I can't fathom, I'm struggling to shake this off, though, and it's making me feel needy and insecure. I haven't felt like this in years. Work is pretty stressful at the moment, so perhaps it's just that making me feel insecure.

Well had second date with someone i met through OD, first person I have met actually and first date in over 13 years!

First date went ok but I was very nervous, had a quick kiss at the end, lots of texts and phone calls each eve since then then we had second date this weekend, few more kisses etc.

Since then we have still been texting lots and talking everyday but as I haven't dated for so long and never through OD I am wondering what is the kind of norm for the way things progress. I am also finding it a bit strange as apart from a few flings when I was a student, all my past relationships have developed from friendships or through mutual friends so I always had a good idea of what the other person was like. Makes for a more interesting time but equally I keep getting the feeling that he could be totally a different person from the one I think I am chatting to, is that just all down to a matter of time?

48 good to hear all is well

Flipper it could be that he viewed you as more a romantic prospect than 'just' a friend. In that case, it would be a bit natural to withdraw now that he has the blonde in towuntil the novelty wears off. Given that you are very local, he probably imagines some sort of street brawl where women are fighting over him and Helen Mirren turns up yelling "leave it Flip, he's not worth it" as if.

This will pass, I reckon as soon as you get a diversion.

Flipper you project dudeness, meh to Mr 3DD. I think some men are pretty but lack "social thoughtfulness" skills. Not saying this makes them non fanciable or not nice to look at (ha ha ha ) but just not having that skill of "ok i am in other persons shoes what is considerate behaviour?".

porridgecarver you have to just roll with the uncertainty i think, at least for a period of time?

i don't think its possible to date someone from the "strangers" stage WITHOUT a few nights of feeling or unless either you don't care about them so their actions don't count, or you're a bit shut down emotionally, and I don't think either is a desirable state! i been dating for YEARS including OD and was still in a tizzy tonight about arranging 2nd meet with someone.

good luck for your second date btw

Wine barman

Wine

just , hope you are LEARNING LOTS

Wine, I had no idea that residential schools could be quite so educational . Living in what is effectively your 'university town', I know several people who work there, and who run residentials. I shall have to ask them more about it all....

A laugh can put me off, as well.

Porridge, it all sounds pretty normal for OD to me. I know what you mean about previous relationships growing from friendships, and it does feel very odd to be dating a stranger. There also seems to be an intensity about OD relationships, in RL you'd not need to be texting and talking as much, because you'd know when you'd be seeing them next. You'd also know that if you'd agreed to go out with each other, knowing each other already, then you must like each other, so there'd be less need to impress and win you over. I wonder if, with OD, there's also a tendency towards a high rate of text/'phone contact in order to monopolise each other, to keep potential rivals out.

Juliette, I wondered that. Some of his behaviour (follow up texts, checking out a band I mentioned that I like) seemed a bit intense for just mates. Dudeness and meh is most certainly what I shall be projecting, Lorna. Whatever the reasons for me feeling like this (and having slept on it, I think work may be more relevant than I realised) I don't need someone in my life who triggers such negative feelings.

When are you seeing Dutchy next, Juliette, and who's the second meet with, Lorna?

Flipper next week, as soon as the boat is finished. Going sailing on the Dutch lakes.

Morning, all. Must get ready for work, but quick update on last night dinner with friends. Meet Up guys geniality won out, and one friend told me when we were on our own that he was "lovely." Friends weren't too insane, so not off-putting. Success!
AND on another note, the L word was whispered last night by him, & I reciprocated. Waited,did not blurt, after all.All is good.
So for all you seekers, someone is out there. Believe it. Be open.

Woo hoo moan .. God I hope so .. I'm getting fed up with this dating malarkey

wine so how did it go with the barman?

Morning everyone .. Another glorious day :)

Oh Moan that is lovely. Excellent stuff, so pleased for you.

Kirsty I think it sounds really promising with FoF - you both like each other so Saturday should be a good one!

Flipper glad you are feeling a bit better. I think he had you classified in his mind as "date" rather than "friend" which is a shame as it would be good to have a friendly neighbour to chat with every now and then. I'd just play it cool with him, say hello when you see him and leave it at that. His loss. Hope work stuff is okay, love.

Juliette yay for more sailling with Dutchie! So this means no caravan, right?

Porridge I think that's all part of the fun, getting to know someone and finding out about them. Hope Date 2 is good.

Wine Barman? Tutor?? Both??? Actually, tutor sounds like a bit of a player and is on very, very dodgy ground professionally so I would steer clear there.

OWW, it was the young man from a while back booty calling. It's not happening but nice to be asked, I suppose.

Will catch up later.

Good morning all.

Moan that's lovely news.

Porridge if you try and think of it as a couple of hours meeting an interesting person it can help to take the pressure off. It should be fun.

OWW it is the first time sailing with him. Absolutely no sodding caravan, it will be back in the marina. We'll stay on board and go sailing on the lakes,it's still a bit like camping with a toilet and shower. He had promised his sister a trip for her holiday next week and that is delayed slightly for me to literally find the ropes and see what he is like on board as skipper. Then we'll see.

Just reading the thread whilst sitting on the benches as a makes me realise just how exhausting OD is for lots of us. This thread is a lifesaver.

I think I need to go on a residential course, sounds fun!!!!!

Will see how things pan out. Its all a bit strange as I only went on the site out of interest not really looking for anything at all but now I have met him my mind is being a bit changed?!

Flipper text yesterday afternoon from 1st date European going ?such a beautiful day, been working from home don?t want to stay in all night, you got plans? You had dinner??

replied ?no, fancy meeting? and then long wait, 2 hours nothing. Oh well, i thought. little bit but generally meh.

then 3 texts came through. i always think of phone issues as ?lame excuse people make, meh? but checking the ?times sent? on them there genuinely was a problem with them getting through on my my rubbish phone. one was suggestion for dinner, then "ok, you want to downgrade to drinks?" then "you changed your mind?" (HMMMMM, IS THIS PUSHY? )

so i CALLED him then we went out . two drinks (pimms for me, yay!) and then home?

(NO SEX. but was quite pleased then conversation turned a little bit more ?personal?.

Made me think how i?m not good at slow build up and need to work at it? ? i wonder if i have personally fallen into trap of using the wild sex as a tool to keep them at an emotional distance rather than actually ?getting to know someone and letting them know me??

not a?morality? thing or a stupid fecking ?Rules says i should make him wait men want nuns blah blah blah? thing, 1st date sex can and does lead to more, more a personal growth thing.

i am confident about showing my cervix to men i don?t know that well if i'm horny, but feels more intimate and naked revealing myself and my life and seeing if a connection builds that way, so i back away from that. but it was actually quite nice just chatting.

That said, I did flash my wrists a LOT. I fancy him. He's a bit ugly but quite masculine, which i like).

few texts this morning, which is nice but i?m not massive fan of lots of text tennis. We shall see!

He's a bit ugly but quite masculine, which i like

Only on this thread

at OWW with AlphaScot's motorbikes and Juliette with Dutchie's boat.

weather is so lovely having a beau with a cool summery mode of transport sounds amazing!