Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 02/07/2013 07:46

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
  8. loo update is mandatory
OP posts:
Moanranger · 08/07/2013 10:08

Morning, all. (DS has uni audition today, so am hanging around to take him to it.)
Title re: DCs, yes, that does make sense. Mine are older, but need to be kept in dark due to me filing to divorce their father on grounds of adultery & do not wish to appear hypocritical. It means we see each other a bit less than we would wish to, but gives us that bit of space to progress matters at a steady pace.
RL dinner with friends + Meet Up guy - will report back - he is nervous but I said just be your usual charming self!

Kirstywirsty · 08/07/2013 10:31

wine have you seen the tutor again?

OP posts:
Winefiend · 08/07/2013 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkinglorna · 08/07/2013 13:08

hello everyone! wow exciting times it seems all round! Smile

i had a date yesterday! broke my pof virginity. this is someone who contacted me first last week and i genuinely felt he could be interesting. my new policy of "don't just accept anyone" is quite hard to cling to, sofa can get dull! but all the "meh" and "give him a chance" dates take their toll after a while.

was a good one too. european chap so quite sophisticated (SORRY Bant Grin). extended from "lets have a look at an art gallery" at 3pm to midnight.

interesting change of rhythm as i'm fairly used to "bring on the ultra chemistry and get physical " and i'm keen for a lover

but although i felt there was a mutual attraction, no groping or owt (end of night i picked a bar with a SOFA so we could sit close, whilst drinking cocktails, with a RECORD PLAYER on playing motown and ......nowt? conversation great though)

did feel a bit like he was out with a corporate client, and was doing a reserved "hmmm, analysis of potential" thing with me. he's a fairly high earning never been married type, so i think "lets get just randomly sloshed and gropey and see what happens" might not be in his mindset. also he is new to town, so might just be looking for a "activity companion" - he seemed quite taken by the fact that i am comfortable in an art gallery and know operabut i want some cock.

we left it at exchange of standard "very nice to meet you, hope to see you after X work thing". will "watch this one with interest" i think! Smile

and my scandinavian contact has not e-mailed yet? will the viking fantasy be revived?

lurkinglorna · 08/07/2013 13:27

Bant if pic is nice put it on but crop it? i do get a bit freaked out by other people's faces in pictures.

kirsty i feel you on the "meh" coffee dates with Mr Nice But There's No Way I Fancy You! they steal your soul. can you make an excuse?

winefiend high five

snapespeare lovely beautiful pic, hope your arm is ok

MoanRanger if it feels right it feels right. re: Times article, i NEVER take any "dating advice" given by mainstream newspapers/mags, its a bit like "spin written by ill informed people who have bollocks lives themselves to make the reader feel insecure". i think stuff like this thread or even blogs with "reader contributions" a lot more helpful and accurate.

Winefiend · 08/07/2013 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhWesternWind · 08/07/2013 14:20

Ha Wine what a start to your course! Do you think you want a repeat, or best to leave it? Could be a bit difficult for him with student:teacher relationship, am quite surprised at him doing this, irresistable as you are, as surely it's against his code of conduct.

Moan agree with Lorna here totally. If you both feel right about it, then it's right. How can there be a one size fits all rule for how long it takes to recover from the end of a relationship and be ready for a new one? Some people will be ready immediately, some even two years would be too short. Hope the dinner goes well.

Kirsty I'd go, I think, but maybe stay off the sites to avoid temptation. I can imagine exactly how this came about!

Scrazy who's booty calling you then? Hope you're feeling a bit less burned and having a good day. It does leave a big gap in your life and the trick is distraction, displacement and changing routine. It's hard, but time and a new man is the only cure.

Lorna what was said at the end of the date about a repeat performance? I am a newly converted fan of taking things slowly, and maybe he is being respectful of you and wants to get to know you before taking things further. If you think there was a mutual attraction, that sounds good, worth another date I think.

Having said that about taking things slowly, am getting very frustrated about Alpha being away until the middle of the week, then me being busy for a few nights when he comes back. So it's looking like it will be next weekend before we can meet up, although we are hoping to be able to find an hour or so earlier in the week. Difficult with travel, work, babysitters aaargh. He is keeping in good contact though so could be a lot worse. It's just really frustrating!

Winefiend · 08/07/2013 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkinglorna · 08/07/2013 14:33

OWW well i had to walk home and he went home about midnight (both of us alone). kiss on cheek from me.

i texted when i got in just "got home safe, sleep well!", then he texted back 3 texts - one was "glad you got hom ok" then "i had a really nice time today" then "hope to see you when i am back from X work trip abroad".

so i texted back "same here, good night." it was LATE.

so "overall" positive vibe, but i'm thinking just wait for contact now as i've indicated positive vibes? Hmm

i think i don't want to date someone where i have to remind them of my existence, and i certainly wasn't giving any mixed signals about whether or not i was enjoying the date or his company. i mean i don't like projecting "awestruck" but generally was fairly appreciative of the restaurant he picked etc (because it was nice - cheap and cheerful asian food but that is my favourite!)

lurkinglorna · 08/07/2013 14:36

argh. now LOOKING at it i didn't actually put in writing "will see you when you are back from X".

bollox.

OhWesternWind · 08/07/2013 14:44

When is he away Lorna? Could be an idea to send him a quick text before he goes, just for the avoidance of doubt, as I'm not sure how he would have taken your reply.

lurkinglorna · 08/07/2013 14:49

well he flies off on thursday, but has local work travel before then . fucking schedules.

yeah, good point, i'm thinking along same lines?

just send a general "chat" text like "have a safe journey" on Thursday if he hasn't sent one himself by then, to keep communication open? i think without the late night text exchange last night i'd have sent a "hope to see you again some time" one today but now it feels a bit excessive? Confused

(or i could just go back to his flat and stand outside in a trenchcoat over underwear, shouting his name! )

lurkinglorna · 08/07/2013 14:50

AND AS I WROTE THE ABOVE POST HE TEXTED!Grin

this is like "live dating updates" channel!

JulietteMontague · 08/07/2013 17:22

Just having a silent scream re my Mum. Involves the usual not listening to anything I've said, her taking over instructions to someone and all doom and gloom because the neighbours say so. I have now taken steps to put things right so it's done but I now want to smoke [sad

Off to an outdoor meeting this evening, should be fun.

Kirstywirsty · 08/07/2013 18:11

Hey juliette I am really sorry to hear that .. Don't smoke though think of how well you've done by having given up for so long .. You will never change her x

OP posts:
Kirstywirsty · 08/07/2013 18:14

Well mutual friend mentioned mr FriendofFriend's check in on Facebook .. But despite the fact that he invited me to be a FB friend I don't see it or any other posts ( I assumed he didn't post) .. He has put me on a restricted list I reckon .. Suddenly I don't feel so bad about my date tonight with Mr Niceguy

OP posts:
Kirstywirsty · 08/07/2013 18:15

I know I know .. Facebook is the work of the devil before anyone else says it ... Hmm

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 08/07/2013 19:00

Hi all, posting as a sad woman who has just been let again, 4 years of online dating, never actually got to the meeting part, sucks!!!

OhWesternWind · 08/07/2013 19:05

Kirsty sod FB!! Enjoy yourself tonight, it'll be a pleasant night out if nothing else.

Excellent timing Lorna!

Hello and welcome Louly. What's stopped you with meeting up with anyone? Sorry you've been let down - there are a lot of flakes and disappearers out there.

Loulybelle · 08/07/2013 19:07

Western, it always falls flat before hand, i was meant to be meeting someone in 2 weeks, but he sent me a message to say hes met someone else. That was nearly 8 weeks wasted.

OhWesternWind · 08/07/2013 19:14

My honest opinion Louly is that you're waiting far too long to meet up. A week or so of chatting, then arrange a date if you like the sound of him. Doesn't need to be anything fancy, just a coffee or a quick drink to see if you like each other in the flesh. Do you tend to feel a bit nervous about meeting?

48howdidthathappen · 08/07/2013 19:16

Well Juliete Took your advice. We ended up having a 4am soul baring talk on phone last night.

He is coming over later. All is well in camp R&R.

Mum had another good day too Smile

Waves to thread. Must prepare myself Wink

Loulybelle · 08/07/2013 19:19

Western, he also decided to wait, and we have kids and things to consider, he wanted to wait, i was willing to do it sooner.

OhWesternWind · 08/07/2013 19:23

Sounds great 48. Really glad it's sorted.

I think someone who is delaying meeting for that long is stringing you along Louly and if you come across this behaviour in future then I'd be wary. Are you chatting to a few men at the same time? That way, if one falls through you've got others there and yours not back to square one again.

Loulybelle · 08/07/2013 19:25

Western, i didnt actually intend to do the Online thing again, many bad experiences have put me off doing it much, i met the guy on here actually, kinda accidently.

Swipe left for the next trending thread