After repeated episodes of infidelity I decided to separate from husband of 30 years. Despite all the bad stuff, we had repaired over the years and had a deep bond (well his a bit more shallow than mine obviously!). We have three children 6th form and beyond, so it's not a bad time to be doing this - and it's not acrimonious so no nasty stuff going on really.
I've been reading Mumsnet threads for a while now, and been quite shocked at how many people this happens to at this stage in marriage (when you'd think it'd be the home run down to retirement etc). So anyway I realised the rollercoaster of emotions was pretty normal, calm strong crumbling suicidal etc - and that this is a kind of bereavement so have just tried carrying on through it. It's kind of bleak though.
At heart I want my life back but I can't backtrack and then have to go through the affair bombshell all over again. We're a couple of months down the line with the practical stuff - he's moved out though don't think anything is happening with 'her'.
Anyway - all of a sudden I can't cope with it anymore, am freshly devastated, crying morning till night, wanting to simply die - and almost at the point of saying 'come home'. What's going on?? I want my bottle back! He would come home I think - and it's so tempting to make all this pain go away. I've managed up to this point and am so frustrated with myself about my feelings. I know I love him too much, despite his behaviour. My friends and family would be appalled if I backtracked - but am really struggling now.