The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Off On A Journey Far & Wide, Full Of Support, With No Reasons To Hide.

[Mouseface]

Hey, I'm Mouse, one of the Brave Babes on this Bus. :)

We're heading to sobriety, in various different ways, in our own different ways, some of us are there, some not quite yet.

We're a group of non judgemental, mothers, wives, partners, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, and of course all of the male equivalents that run alongside those 'tags', but most of all, we are, or we have been, just like YOU. :) Real people with real concerns about how much we are drinking all of the time.

Our relationships with alcohol are varied, and you'll find most of us are wanting to do something about it..... desperate to stop the cycle of drinking, stopping, drinking, stopping, drinking more, stopping for shorter periods of time and then the reverse, doing ever so well and then 'something' happens and you're back to square one, a place that sometimes gets a little crowded, one little square filled with lots of people who all want out.

Sound familiar?

You're never alone here. Ever.

Come and take a seat, post or lurk. We won't bite but we WILL look after you, SUPPORT you, if you want us to. :)

And for those want to know how we've ended up where we are today, about three years on from THIS THREAD RIGHT HERE

To our last thread JUST HERE

It will be lovely to meet you so why not take a seat and have a gossip about all things booze related but also, DCs, husbands, wives, in-laws, out-laws, and everything in between.

There's always a seat for YOU xxx

Hello babes - just a quick check in cos I'm on holiday - woohoo!!

another - I hope you're feeling better about things today. I don't think there's one of us on here who can't identify with your posts from last night - I know I certainly can. But you've already shown you can do this so pick yourself and start again. When I fall off the bus I don't make myself start again at day 1 cos that negates all the good work I've done so far - maybe that approach would help you too? So say you've managed 4 days AF then you slip up on 1 night - I score that as 4/1 - which is a hell of a lot better that 0/4. Just read that back and realised I sound like a loon. Will quit while I'm (not) ahead. :)

All good here. I'm on 36/4 (by my own complicated system as outlined above . V proud of myself cos I'm on my hols and staying in a house with a fridge full of booze and I'm not remotely tempted. Okay, that's probably cos the booze isn't mine and the owner of the booze isn't here but it's a victory none-the-less. I thought I'd find it weird having a sober holiday but I'm loving it. Instead of waking up with a hangover this morning I jumped out of bed at 6.30 and went for a waddle/jog around the neighbourhood. The sun was shining and it was glorious. I felt like I was living someone else's happy and controlled life. But I guess it's mine if I keep giving the swerve to the vino.

Sorry for lack of name check - need to read back as haven't got great internet here but happy Saturday to all.

Well done edinbugger
Same old same old here. Lovely weather though

Hi babes

Well it turns out a day in the sun booze free can be fairly pleasant! I have enjoyed myself today without the prop of alcohol, and thank you Faire for your practical comment, you are right, so I had some fizzy water instead!

Thurso well done on the new job, sorry this comment is a bit late! I am sure you will love it and look forward to hearing all about it.

Buddy, good for you, keep going. It's absolutely awful to have a fright like you have had, hearing about Baby's awful experience, but if it helps focus in the long run then all for the good.

Baby hope you are doing ok and thank you for your encouragement recently.

Edin well done too, I am hoping to stay sober in the six week school holiday and am already wondering how different it will feel and I hope I can give myself a chance to recharge my batteries rather than think wahoo, holiday time, and then be more jaded at the end of it thanks to the WW than I was when the holiday started! You sound really happy and positive I really like your system for counting days as well.

Lonnika I also feel like I have a second chance, I hope I will get as far as you have.

I am sure I have missed some people out and apologies if I have. Thinking of you all.

Day 13 here and really enjoying feeling so less anxious than I did but also the sleep I am having is so deep and restful, it feels wonderful.

Pink X

Pink - you sound just like me :). Inlove the sleep - best thung ever :) I am sure that there is no doubt that you will get where I am - just bash that WW away whenever she gets too close. Most days now I don't even think about drinking (I did at the beginning) - however I can never be complacent and I know that!!

Pink I too am determined to stay AF during the 6 weeks holiday - we can support each other along - I know it could be hard as I am better when day is structured !

I am now nearly 10'weeks sober - 10 weeks almost a fifth of a year - I can't frickin believe it !!!!!!
Eddin. - I love your system :). Sounds like you are doing great :)
Hope everyone else is well - we are having a famil BBQ tomorrow - but it is only with my parents and my my doesn't drink EVER so I shd be OK :)
Other thing I like is still being awake pat ten as normally I would be in a drunken sleep by now x
See you tomorrow, L

Sorry for typing errors - small keys and fat fingers x

Morning! Thanks again babes so helpful to hear how great you are doing :) well i didn't quite make it at the BBQ had 1.5 cans if cider. I'm okay with that I was there 7 hours and the booze was flowing all day. Feel fine today and no point being pissed off about it, still a step forward!

I didn't take sufficient soft drink and will plan better next time so I have something really nice with me.

New strategies:

No alcohol purchasing with weekly shop.
Only buy alcohol for specific occasions and measured amount (ala joey)
If I want to drink at a BBQ/party buy cider 4% wine on the day
Have some nice soft drinks in the house.

Green - I have discovered the bottle green drinks - I love them - I recommend that you give them a try :)

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Silver - hello lovely, God I've missed you driving the Bus far and wide collecting the lovely Babes in need of Gerald. Luckily, his magical powers have taken him where he needed to be.

I was so happy to see your name I did a tiny Mouse dance.

I've not caught up properly, more skim read so I apologise if I have missed anything directed at me.

Pink - I drink Becks Blue because I want a beer. I drink it with diet lemonade in and a squeeze of lime. I get a tall glass and put have of the bottle in, top up with ice cold lemonade and the lime, it's really refreshing! On it's own, it's very bitter tasting I've found and for me, that's the nicest one on the market.

As Faire said, they have to put a % on re the alcohol content because it's been produced using alcohol IYSWIM? Although there's none in there as such, there is a trace amount remaining so they have to declare it. Tesco do 6 bottles for £3. You can get cases for £9 that have 15 bottles in. Both DH and I drink it now when we fancy a beer. You're doing so well, I don't think that drinking Becks Blue would trigger you to drink more unless you'd normally go from beer to wine? See what you think, it's enough for me. :)

Thurso - I hope you are feeling brighter today and not as sad. Change is a massive thing for all of us, whether it's your job, your house or your DH!

I'm so pleased that you got the job, I'm not so pleased that you DH ignored the fact or rather just got on with his life as per. Big hugs to you xxx

Lonni - it's great that you are still sober and doing so well! I think you are a real inspiration to this Bus. You're ace :) xxx

Baby - Great post to Buddy. It's frightening to think that 'strangers' have the power to get involved in your life isn't it? As another poster said, making that your focus to stop the feckers getting involved more/at all, is fantastic. I find keeping something like that at the forefront of my mind helps me keep myself in check.

Edin - I love your 'system', makes perfect sense to me! And you're doing so well lovely! Go YOU!!!! xxx

Hello to everyone else, sorry not to name check you all, breakfast is ready but I will be back in a mo, have an 'issue' that I need to discuss with you all. :)

< parks bum, gets out notepad and adjusts glasses on end of nose ready to help Mouse with ishoos >

< gets up to open windows and switch on aircon >

< swats flies >

< nods off in corner >

Dilema time - Please bear with, this could take a while.

DD has a 'party' this weekend. It's spans from the Friday to the Sunday at some boy's house from school. She is 14.

Of course, ALL of her friends are going, or rather anyone who's anyone, and they are camping out in tents, it's a 'bring your own tent type party', and there will be alcohol.

Now, I've just had a text of one of her friend's mum's asking me what I know, we know as much as each other as it turns out...... a hand written note was given out to the selected guests. At first she was staying there with another friend on the Saturday night, staying inside the house, but said friend now can't go as she's working so now it's changed to the Friday night and camping out with a different friend, who I know much better and has stayed here lots,and vice versa.

I am going to buy her some alcohol to take, something like WKD or the like, I'd rather she had something to take and drink than just drink 'whatever' is there, because it says on the note to 'bring your own food and drink' with the word drink underlined. I've told her that she is in control of her drinking and that if she is drunk when picked up, she's grounded. I'm not buying her a lot, just a small bottle to share with her friend, should she choose or to have for herself. Her friend, however is supposed to be taking 2x 2ltr bottles of Strongbow. But her mum has text me to say that she'll get her a couple of small bottles of cider. I hope that's all she takes.

I have no idea how she'd buy it but she could pass for 18. At a push! She's tall and very developed for 14.

This girl has had a hard time of it, terrible twists of fate in her life and can be a little bit unpredictable at times. She is lovely and I want to scoop her up to let her know that someone 'gets it' etc.....

Anyway, back to the reason for my post.

I've said DD can go, I have said that this is her first real 'test' to see if we can trust her and that DH and I are expecting her to be sensible. I have also said that if ANYTHING happens, she will be grounded until she leaves for Uni. Her phone will not be topped up and her laptop confiscated. She will have the mother of all hell raining down on her if she gets into trouble.

The way I see it is, she didn't have to tell me, she could have lied and said 'I'm going to stay at X's house' and gone anyway but she told me all about it, asked if I would please buy her a drink to take and that she'd only go if one of her close friends was going.

Her friends' mum feels the same as me. Except the booze, she has no idea what her DD is allegedly buying to take. And it could all be off before Friday anyway!!!

I have 6 days to decide how to play this out, if I need to change anything. What do you all think?

Sorry it's taken so long btw to get that down, I wanted to get the facts and the other mum was texting me as I was posting :)

Thanks Faire xxx

Mouse Mother of DD age 16 now so based on recent years....
DD has been to parties over the last two years and taken alcohol - couple of small bottles of Smirnoff Ice or cans of pre mixed cocktail only BUT for the last year or so has taken only soft drinks - her choice! She has seen and dealt with drunk/ill friends and has decided that for now she is does not want to drink alcohol at all.

As for sleeping over - only recently where boys are too but she has a good group of friends boys and girls ( often commented on by the parents and staff at school) - and all has been OK.
That said - similar 'riot act' dire warnings of consequences issued by us should her behaviour fall below that we expect. Have been working on the basis that our 'disappointment' weighs more heavily than potential poor peer presure. Seems to have worked thus far, but I do know that we may be fortunate to have a lovely DD, and so do you I'm sure.

Yep JWIM - (hello lovely btw :) )

I think the fact that we'll be gutted if she becomes 'that girl' or gets brought home by the police etc, is enough to keep my voice in the back of her head, she'll be mortified if she lets us down. And she knows that we are serious about the consequences.

Right, I'm off out into the garden to be with my children, a paddling pool, some toys, strawberries, cream, home-made ice-creams, and some Pimms later as a treat, we had half yesterday that I'd made up so have the rest for today. BBQ later, bit of tv then into a soft, clean bed after showering the sun cream and sweat off!

Have fab days everyone, be back later. xxx

Hi babes:))
Am still here lurking always.
Not been doing to badly! :)
Have had a few nights where have managed "controlled drinking" have felt a bit groggy next day, amazing how a moderate amount can still make you feel like shite.
mouse it's is a dilemma you got there I ve got tennage daughter also so will have a ponder on it and post later, though sure you have/will get brilliant advice from other babes..
Got r/l jobs to do so will post later. Bye babes xx

Hey mouse I have to be honest with you my friend and I wouldn't have let the dds take alcohol to an event like that at 14, and Yes, I absolutely know how hard it is when they want to fit in. If she really wants to drink then she will, but I wouldn't be supplying or condoning it at 14. Lots of cool mock tails available in squishy bags which she could take? Sorry, I'm not helping my lovely but you did ask.

Hello Babes sorry for not being around for a while, Real Life has been very busy. Well done to everyone who is managing to stay strong at the moment.

mouse that's such a hard decision to make, we have all this to come! If you think that your experience has clouded your judgement, maybe but that just means you are more aware than most people. Does your DD know about you and your past? If your DH is in agreement with you, it sounds like you have both thought about it very carefully - what more can anyone do?

thurso congratulations on your job success!

have to say bye for now Babes. am off to Poland tomorrow for a weeks hol in a self-catering apartment in krakow. Ds is excited, DD1's face is tripping her as usual and DD2 isnt coming as she has rehearsals.
Hope we have a good week - be good all of you
ma

Well mouse I really think it depends on your dd and you know her best. My dd is 16 and has never had a mixed sex sleepover. Also doesn't touch alcohol.

Ds on the other hand, although only 14 has tasted beer, wine, champagne and Smirnoff ice type drinks and claims to like them all. I would be more concerned about him tbh. He is more into girls too than dd is into boys and he's the same age as your dd so what would I say to him?

Friday to Sunday is quite a long time, with school on Monday, so I think I would say Friday night is ok. We'll see how that goes and then make a decision about Saturday night.

If it got too much he wouldn't like it and would want to come home.

I think if you've made your expectations clear and your dd knows that you will follow through with consequences, then it will be ok. We always think of the worst when, in reality, they probably just want a bit of fun with their friends.

I would send them off with masses of non-alkie drinks though, and big bags of snacks to fill them up and stop them looking for 'something' to fill the void.

Ma - totally see your POV and take on board what you are saying. :)

Have a fab holiday and I hope you get some rest xxx

Back to the dilemma - she's not bothered about 'boys' as such, it is the Friday night ONLY and pick up early the next morning. She has asked for a 2 ltr bottle of still water and heaps of snacks that I've ordered, I have also ordered her 2 bottles of Smirnoff Ice, the regular size, not big ones.

DH and I have talked about this until we're blue in the face, we both agree that she didn't have to say a word, could have said she was staying over elsewhere and come home the next day, saying that said person's mother had dropped her off etc.....

She's the kind of girl who would call me in times of need, she lets me know if her bus from school is late by a minute!

I trust her, I think she'll be sensible and I think that the risk of her letting me down, losing her current 'as long as you are safe and careful' status, is enough to make her take good care.

I also know she's had alcohol before because she told me, it was over a year ago at a different friend's house. She had asked me about drinking and what it did to me, she's obv seen me off my face and I suppose she was curious at the time that she first tried it alone.

Anyway, this is going to happen at some point, it could have happened already. I know all of the people going, they have gone through school together so are all pretty level headed.

Time will tell.

I'm off to bed, not feeling very well, touch of heat stroke maybe and I have physio in the morning. Please carry on commenting, I appreciate all of your thoughts and advice. I really do xxx

Heymouse its so hard isn't it? Good she asked for the water too though. Its about getting the message across that you can have a good time without booze otherwise you'll be riding a bus like this one til the end of your days. I'm sure she will be OK - she sounds very sensible but still think she's a bit young personally. It gets harder as they get older with all these touch calls to make!
Definitely off on holiday now.....

Just wanted to say a big thankyou to everyone on this thread! I've lurked on and off since it started and was amazed that other ordinary women had my problem too-I honestly thought I was a freak.
Over time I've got my drinking down from 15 cans of beer(shocking I know) a day to either 0-5 a day. Still can't pack it in but hope to eventually.
Just...thankyou!

m'cow you are not a freak. Far too many people (female and male) are caught in a trap and a habit. So well done you. And thank you for posting x

mouse I was brought up in a household and community where it was considered good to introduce us young to alcohol - presumably to avoid the teenage binge. As a consequence I can recall my first 'tini' (martini and lemonade) when I was age 4. [it was a tiny glass and probably about 2mls martini]. But fuck I'd now consider that as child abuse.....

And then as young adults, to introduce us gently to dinner party drinking....

Except that it taught me that all social occasions were lubricated with alcohol, And that a couple of glasses of wine made you feel 'lifted up'.

And then with my dds I didn't give them anything so young ('cos that seemed wrong) but by the age 13/ 14 I was open to giving them vodka mixes (e.g. WKD) when they were at home.

dd1 was not much interested in drinking, she was strong and sensible and for her the situation you describe would have been fine. dd2 was a party animal - completely different. dd2 appeared to be sensible and clever and in control but in reality she was young and impressionable and hedonistic.

And I also know about some of the truly awful things that have happened in these kind of 'camp outs'. mouse you wouldn't want your dd to be in any way drunk....

And in the light of experience I'd draw a clear line in the sand.. either you can have a great time [sober] with your friends, or you stay at home.

hey mum cow well done on cutting down :)
I think for all of us it is a relief to find others who are the same :)
mouse no advice my DD is younger than yours - dread those kind of decisions - I would say go with your gut though

My health anxiety has well and truly kicked in this week - not sure why ? feel anxious today (convinced I have some dreadful illness !)
Venus you always have sensible advice :)
Anyway enjoy the day folks - see you laters. L xxxx

Mouse Throwing my hat into the ring. I agree with Ma. My dd is 19 now and at Uni, so I don't see what goes on when she is on a night out. I know it involves lots of alcohol but I just have to trust that she is ok.
But at 14, no sweetie, I would not have let her take any alcohol to a sleepover. I think it would give her mixed messages, i.e. 'I don't want you to drink really, but here, you can have this little bit'. Also, when teens are not used to drinking regularly, just a bit can lower their inhibitions as in 'here, let me try what you've bought along, and you can have some of mine' and that would prob seem ok at the time, but could lead to problems.
You will have this scenario many times to come (this much I know for sure) and if it were me, I would start her off with fab soft drinks, and then through 15 and 16 years old you have a little more to barter with iyswim.

That said, it still might be that she does have some drinks (through sheer peer pressure). Mine did at 15 and threw up all night, thought it was the worst thing ever and didn't even want to talk about drinking, let alone do it, for at least six months afterwards!!
Ma Have a great week off.
Mumcow Welcome to the bus.
Inde Where are you lovely, are you ok?
Purps You ok?
All other brave and fabulous babes have a great Monday and above all, be kind to yourselves, and don't forget that worrying about something that hasn't happened yet is like paying interest before it's due.