Who's going to start dating thread No57?

[akaWisey]

Or am I going to be 'one'

@ KinNora i always find in funny when men say "panties", but i dunno why!

broken - that's a risk you always take - you can be philosophical about it and think that you had a good time, and you're a great person, so it's his loss - but if you're in a position to get hurt then you have to work on that thick skin.

People can be shit, disappear or dump other people once they've filled their boots.

There's no way to tell if they're going to or not, no matter how good your radar is, so hope for the best but prepare for the worst, and you're less likely to be disappointed

Also, it appears he was less shy the second time round :)

If you are feeling a tad vulnerable 55 I would say best not to.

Don't want to set yourself up to be checking for a reply.

you can if you want to - but for some reason that can put a man off. I know it's stupid but it seems that something goes on in many men's heads that if you pursue them, they'll think 'needy, demanding' and lose interest. If you remain aloof, they become more interested. Or they feel less guilty about never intending to call you anyway.

It is ridiculous but it does seem to be true. It would happen to me, in fact - I don't know why - if I spent the night with someone for the first time and I didn't already have a very strong emotional connection with her, and she was calling me/texting me the next day I would, for some reason, be less interested. It's not something we have control over, in the same way we don't control whether there is a spark or not.

Don't call - it won't do any good and could do harm. He definitely won't be sitting by the phone waiting for you, it's generally a man's job to call if he's said he's going to. And if you do call and he says 'no' then you're going to feel like crap.

Lorna I've had to have stern words about 'panties' with certain gentleman of my acquaintance - big no need.

Broken no, don't text him. And whether he gets in touch or not, it's done you a world of good, you sound like a different person.

broken - don't worry. The first date is just to see if you can stand being around someone. The second date is to see if you actually like them. Sometimes the second thing can happen on the first date, sometimes the second date puts you off them.

It sounds like you actually liked him a lot more this time round, and you both talked about important stuff (hopefully not too many red flags from him on the ex-discussion)

I have never met a man that used the word 'panties' shudder

I was very pleased when Mr R&R told me he didn't like thongs. He likes knickers

The whole do I call/text thing is a mine field. I mean, why shouldn't be just text/call if we have something to say!? Totally get that it is off putting sometimes though if the timing is off. And needy is not good. But confidence should be!

A mine field.

I am wondering whether to text (let's call him the consultant) my potential date for tomorrow. We actually had a brief text exchange post phone call re texting, and I got the impression he is anti lots of contact - has said he is old fashioned. But has done what He has said he will so far :-).. Sent me loads of long emails and a good chat last night..

I sent the last text last night so am holding fire! We'll see. Don't want to date anyone who isn't straight.

He asked me for lunch, by text, but we said we'd play it by ear as although we have the opportunity, I sensed he didn't want to move too quick.

Hmmm don't do games...

Any thoughts?

Newstart and Broken. Don't contact. Bant is right there are times when you need them to do a bit of chasing and it is this time.

Juliette, hope it all goes well with Dutchie.

I'm sure this has been discussed on here before.. But a friend told me about the elastic band theory recently. Where if the man pulls away because he needs space - if you follow there is no tension in the band, it becomes slack, whereas if you pull the other way, there is tension and the one who has pulled away (doesn't have to be the man) feels the tension and pings back.

I probably haven't explained that very well, but it makes sense to me!

Thanks Scrazy

Well, after lurking for a bit, I finally got the courage up to message a few online datees. A few replies, including a hypnotist... How terrifying would that be on a first date?!

Crikey, I wonder if he really is a hypnotist! Must be hard to get dates!

Mama if you meet him for coffee will it be all 'look into my eyes, into my eyes, not around the eyes ' ? ( I suspect he's heard this joke a lot ).

It pains me to admit it but I think that waiting for them to contact you is the best option, New and Broken - I'm pretty straightforward and find acting like some coy 19th century maiden just so you don't come across as having post-coitally booked a church and Jordan's carriage rather irksome but I think it makes a certain amount of sense. If nothing else you're effectively saying 'see how busy and in demand I am ! I give not a fig for your sexual exploits '.

My tuppence- worth: men tend to be factual about contact - so if he says I'll get in touch with you later, take him at his word, this does not mean he expects or relishes texts in between to " remind" him of what he has already agreed to do. Unless of course he is lying, has no intention of contacting you, in which case all the contact in between will make no difference.
I went through the same brokenhearted worrying about where things might or might not be going after we DTD, and just had to accept that getting involved with someone made me vulnerable, and the only way to avoid that is never to take the risk.
Hopefully it will work out fine & in the interim, get busy with other things.

Broken what Moan said.

Yep, don't text. Especially when you are feeling vulnerable, you do run the risk of sounding needy. I used to enthusiastically get in touch and nothing would make them vanish faster. Insouciance is your friend. If you don't feel it, just act like it for now. What will be, will be. If they want to get in touch, they will.

Dutchie is now in my house, all is well.

Panties, no, never.

He does, sit on that phone. Every fibre in your body will be trying to text, but don't, just distract yourself.

Feel the Insouciant Force , Broken, you're Luke Skywalker, the thread is Obi Wan Kenobi ( I'm away having sexy times with Han, obviously ).

I'm glad things are going well, Juliette