New bloke...sex is beginning to creep me out a bit

[baffledbeyond]

Hi

Name changed for this as its a bit tmi.

I've been seeing someone for 2 months now and the sex side of things is bothering me, nothing really weird or fetish however...

He doesn't like women with body hair, that's ok, I don't have any! But every time we have sex he wants to use a vibrator on me, never uses his fingers or god forbid his mouth or even offers and he can't get off with penetrative sex, has to manually do it himself, takes ages as he says hes got desensitised?.

doesn't really like me doing it for him either

He's also constantly wanting anal and I don't

And once when we were DTD he was muttering things, and sort of said I'm raping you

He obviously wasn't but it alarmed me and I suppose I am wondering if he is a big porn user or something

Sex is basically a few thrusts, vibrator comes out, then he wanks himself off?

I'm a bit WTF now, I know it takes time but I don't think that's good n bed

LTB= leave the bastard!

Blokes that have been single for a long time and reliant on porn for sexual relief aren't always a bad deal

If you replaced the word porn with the word masturbation, I'd agree with you. But no-one needs to use porn to masturbate.

How crap, pants sex, ltb.
Imagine putting up with this for life!!

badinage you are right, I was reflecting on my own rubbish experience with a 'desensitised' man who could only achieve satisfaction by his own hand (and wanting to degrade me whilst doing so, but that's a whole new thread)

So if he's had too much of the death grip, but doesn't do all the horrible stuff in the op, is there a solution?

My first thought, and please don't flame me, was that he is bisexual/gay. Anecdotal evidence alert: Had a friend, her partner couldn't 'finish' with her, always wanted anal (that's the part of your story that chimed the most), was quite impersonal about sex, a bit of a performance. Turned out he was snogging a few lads down at the local bar in his free time, but adamantly denied it.
The rape thing is weird - only way he could consider being with a woman (power)?

Oh, when I say he couldn't finish with her, I mean it resorted to wanking, mostly with her bum facing him!

Oh dear, what you describe is really not normal at all!

What about loving, intense, intimacy where you feel your partner adores every inch of you, and you end up feeling tingly and warm all over?

Not going to happen with this freak, Hun. Sorry, I would get rid of him pronto!

EErgh. Vile. why would you want to stay with him? Very creepy, cold and rather repulsive. Find a nice normal man who isn't into porn.

Oh how he uses vibrators to ensure you have a good time - also made me think he's in the closet a bit. Lack of GF's? If he's a 'normal' seeming guy (on the outside, 30 second view from across the room sort of 'all right') then maybe he really is very far in that closet?
What are his social circles like - socially open and accepting? Or close minded?

Dovedovepigeon the solution is on pg4 basically he has to abstain from masturbating and porn for about 2 months. His problem isnt physical he has to basically reboot.

Why would you do this more than once. Leave him immediately, change phone number and locks to door. Move on.

Just dump him. If he creeps you out, don't have sex with him. He'll find some weirdo porn apologist to have sex with. Just say, "You're a creepy weirdo and your creepy weirdness creeps me out. Er, that's it."

Yukkety yuk.

I know it takes time - no, this is not going to get better with time all by itself. Has he even noticed that you dont like this kind of sex? Would he care if you pointed it out to him? Would he do things differently?

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel happy and secure, what you described sounds unhappy and a bit frightening.

Has he got a brother?

tupuedes ?

Really tupuedes?!

He needs to go op, it won't get better and is quite frankly odd.