New bloke...sex is beginning to creep me out a bit

[baffledbeyond]

Hi

Name changed for this as its a bit tmi.

I've been seeing someone for 2 months now and the sex side of things is bothering me, nothing really weird or fetish however...

He doesn't like women with body hair, that's ok, I don't have any! But every time we have sex he wants to use a vibrator on me, never uses his fingers or god forbid his mouth or even offers and he can't get off with penetrative sex, has to manually do it himself, takes ages as he says hes got desensitised?.

doesn't really like me doing it for him either

He's also constantly wanting anal and I don't

And once when we were DTD he was muttering things, and sort of said I'm raping you

He obviously wasn't but it alarmed me and I suppose I am wondering if he is a big porn user or something

Sex is basically a few thrusts, vibrator comes out, then he wanks himself off?

I'm a bit WTF now, I know it takes time but I don't think that's good n bed

Yuck you guys all think this is down to porn and not nice porn?

I've never heard of a desensitised penis before

Violent porn like this never includes pleasuring women, hence he doesn't use hands or mouth to get you off. Just wants to sodomise you. Get rid.

Sorry, this is weird, especially early on in a relationship and especially if it's doing nothing for you. Frankly, if the best you get from the sex is an orgasm with a vibrator, ditch the bf and just use the vibrator yourself.

It's down to porn, yes, he sees women as objects to fuck, objects not worthy of touching except to fuck with instruments unless it involves putting his penis up your anus or muttering about rape.

That is FUBAR.

Dump NOW.

Baffled - that sounds pretty unpleasant. He's not respectful of women.

And it sounds very dull, one way sex ( something for him and nothing in it for you).

LTB.

Crikes are we going to have a generation of men who think sex is like that now porn is so accessible ?

what fuzzywuzzy says

I don't think his penis is actually physically losing sensitivity, it's more mental. As in, he doesn't get aroused by normal, intimate, mutually enjoyable sex, therefore struggles to come. It sounds soulless. Get rid!

As far as he's concerned, you might as well be a blow-up doll OP. You're just a vagina in his monologue.....

It sounds awful IMO, very detached and totally lacking in intimacy.

I think good sex is about the whole process, not just having an orgasm. Having someone fuck me with a dildo then wank himself off just sounds grim; completely detached and self absorbed.

I'm all for having fun, trying different things together - using vibrators, lubes, light bondage, massage, even anal if you're both comfortable and willing. What two consenting adults choose to do together is entirely up to them, but rape fantasies and porno-prevalent sex would definitely not be acceptable to me.

He sounds like a totally crap shag.

What's he like the rest of the time?

If I was having sex with someone and he said "I'm raping you" I'd have told him to get off me and get out of my house. He sounds like a serial killer.

why do u even think this might be ok? and why does he? run a mile and before u do tell him what u and mumsnet think..that he is an actual wanker.. might stop him from thinkin this is ok with his nxt girlf.. I cant imagine that a boyf who has such issues with intimacy can be thay much fun to be around.

Id dump him. If he honestly thinks what hes watched in his "specialist interest" porn, is how to actually have sex with women, then theres no hope.

dump him and tell him why

Desensitised penis for sure he has been using death grip which obviously sex cant recreate. A big porn viewer this one.

yuck - unless he is the nicest man on the planet who loves and adores you in every other way, you adore him and you get on so well as friends, feel you are soul mates and can work things out together - yep, you got it, leave the bastard.

There is no 'unless' when it comes to a person who visualises and verbalises rape whilst having sex with you.

Vile!

Have some self respect woman.

This is really not ok. Not at all.

I have no idea whether it is down to porn or not, he's crap in bed, can't orgasm unless he wanks himself off (desensitised penis - arf) and doesn't like to actually touch you - does it MATTER why?

Apart from sex, he is loving caring and very sensitive, I thought he was just very inexperienced as well, but porn thing is awful if true

of course it is true - all this shaven fanjo and arse sex thing is pure internet porn.

Life's too short. There's a lovely bloke out there who will worship your body. And once you find him, you won't understand why you put up with this revolting little specimen.