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Original poster

New bloke...sex is beginning to creep me out a bit

120 replies

baffledbeyond · 22/06/2013 13:34

Hi

Name changed for this as its a bit tmi.

I've been seeing someone for 2 months now and the sex side of things is bothering me, nothing really weird or fetish however...

He doesn't like women with body hair, that's ok, I don't have any! But every time we have sex he wants to use a vibrator on me, never uses his fingers or god forbid his mouth or even offers and he can't get off with penetrative sex, has to manually do it himself, takes ages as he says hes got desensitised?.

doesn't really like me doing it for him either

He's also constantly wanting anal and I don't

And once when we were DTD he was muttering things, and sort of said I'm raping you

He obviously wasn't but it alarmed me and I suppose I am wondering if he is a big porn user or something

Sex is basically a few thrusts, vibrator comes out, then he wanks himself off?

I'm a bit WTF now, I know it takes time but I don't think that's good n bed

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/06/2013 14:55

(I was quietly pleased with that one... )

ouryve · 22/06/2013 14:58

New bloke? Get rid. He's beyond weird.

saintlyjimjams · 22/06/2013 15:00

Eeeeeeewwwww

I suppose if as you say he's very sensitive in other ways & you think inexperienced you could try talking to him. The rape thing would have me running very fast in the opposite direction though - that's beyond eeeeewwww

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/06/2013 15:01

"I thought he was just very inexperienced as well"

If he's inexperienced, this kind of nasty stuff is not going to help him get more experience is it? ... it's going to mean he ends up a very sad, old & lonely wanker. If you're inexperienced, kick this sick loser to the kerb and treat yourself to some real men. You'll quickly find out that he's 100% not normal.

Original poster
baffledbeyond · 22/06/2013 15:01

Don't know what to think, but thank you for all your replies. He is pretty inexperienced and hasn't had many girlfriends, but always wants to make sure I have a good time hence I think the toys, and I'm not anti them but not all the time, and I suppose I don't like the idea he can't come without tugging away violently for 10 or more minutes, just weird, and until he said he was desensised I didn't know what to think, he admits to DIY a lot, but not to porn?

I hate to think this is what porn use might do to men, though he denies it, I am wondering

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/06/2013 15:05 
He doesn't want to make sure you have a good time, he just wants to act out the nasty fantasies he wanks to on his computer screen because <span class="italic">that's what he thinks sex is</span>.  If he wanted you to have a good time he'd ask you what you wanted, not keep shoving dildos up you and then ringing in the New Year on his cock!!!!

And OF COURSE he denies it....

expatinscotland · 22/06/2013 15:05

DUMP, tell him why and do NOT take him back. He's experienced all right, at watching some pretty violent stuff. He wants you to have a good time by shoving a vibe up you? Really?

expatinscotland · 22/06/2013 15:06

What do you do for the 10 mins. he's wanking himself? WTF, how beyond boring. Honestly, STOP dating until you work on your self-esteem.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 22/06/2013 15:09

But he doesn't want to make sure you have a good time.
He won't touch you!

Seriously, you can do better than this.

TurnipCake · 22/06/2013 15:13

He doesn't like women with body hair

Erm, he doesn't like women, full stop

Onesleeptillwembley · 22/06/2013 15:13

Oh wow. This is a rarity for me, but LTB. Now, while you can.
And I totally agree with all up thread, this isn't just weird, it's really creeped me out.

luckypeach · 22/06/2013 15:19

"He hasn't had many girlfriends" - why am I not surprised!

What everyone else says, get rid and quick. He sounds really awful. Two months in and this is where you're at. It will only get worse.

Grooverider · 22/06/2013 15:22

This of course isn't normal behaviour OP. it is definitely from continued porn use.

I'm a bloke and this probably deserves a thread on its own but any man using porn needs to visit this site:

www.yourbrainonporn.com

Read about the damage it does mentally if you use it continually. After reading this site, I stopped using it dead and haven't been back since - and I'm currently single!

All the signs are there I'm afraid. It can be reset, but it sounds like he would be addicted to it if it's that bad and it depends whether he wants to give it up or not.

All the LTB comments are sooo predictable and ultimately unhelpful. You need to have a frank adult discussion with him and tell him that what constitutes your sex life is not what you want. Read the above site to get an understanding and direct him to it. Then tell him what you do expect in the bedroom. A lot of women still think blokes are mind readers and if he is genuinely inexperienced then he won't know what to do.

Anyway, I hope you can see there is a way through this, but it would need a lot of cooperation from your partner. It all depends whether he wants to give up porn for you or not.

Good luck.

ArtexMonkey · 22/06/2013 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allalonenow · 22/06/2013 15:25

If that is his best shot at always making sure you have a good time, then God help you.

He sounds weird and scary, and I think as time goes on he will reveal even more strange traits.

Leave him ASAP, don't bother telling him why, just go.

TiredFeet · 22/06/2013 15:27

well, if this is what its like in what should be the rosy days at the beginning I dread to imagine what it would be like a few years or even months down the line...

expatinscotland · 22/06/2013 15:28

Unhelpful?

He mutters, 'I'm raping you,' to her during sex and constantly pesters her for anal after she has told him NO, doesn't touch her at all but to penetrate her a few thrust and you think a woman should stay with someone like this after only 14 weeks?

How vile!

bestsonever · 22/06/2013 15:28

It's a concern the op is still minimizing and clutching any vague thing that she can interpret as being an act for her, when in fact the sad chap is locked in his own fantasies. OP, you could be anyone during the act, I doubt it would matter to him much.
I would say that he's very inexperienced in normal sex and clearly has spent most of his intimate life hiding in his room having a wank to porn - so often that it has taken over as the only way he can get his rocks off. Desensitized mind, and knob from vigorous use of porn and hand. Now he appears to believe porn is the way that it is done in reality. OP there is no way on earth this guy does not use porn as it's all the things you see on there. Carry on and he could ask you to do other things on there that really will make you want to run for the hills - and I wonder why you are not doing already ??

MissMarplesBloomers · 22/06/2013 15:30

If he wanted you to have a good time he'd ask you what you wanted, not keep shoving dildos up you and then ringing in the New Year on his cock!!!!

Cogito Grin Wipes tea splatters off screen.

I'm weeping-sorry OP.

TheRealFellatio · 22/06/2013 15:33

Ooh er....Confused

Don't like the sound of this at all. I'm not sure I'd be able to continue with this relationship if it were me, however nice he was out of bed. Whether there is anything dodgy about it or not is beside the point really. You are not sexually compatible (not sure who would be, to be honest Hmm)
and therefore the sex side of the relationship does not fulfill your needs and perfectly reasonable expectations, and it makes you feel uncomfortable. It's a no brainer, surely?

bestsonever · 22/06/2013 15:33

Willing friends could be next - or even unwilling OMG !!!

TheRealFellatio · 22/06/2013 15:36

I'd question any bloke who needed to masterbate for ages and ages in order to come when he was in bed with me. Either he's not that into me or he's not that into it full stop.

MatersMate · 22/06/2013 15:48

Grooverider interesting, but she's been with this guy 14 short weeks! Why on earth would you want to 'work on' a problem he has no doubt spent years cultivating.

I'd run OP I really would.

Grooverider · 22/06/2013 16:00

Matersmate. You are right, but I'm just giving an alternate view in case she really does like the bloke. I know the bedroom is a deal breaker in relationships, but what if that's the only thing wrong? If it could be changed then it would be a good thing. I'm not saying it would happen as it seems to me very strange behaviour, and I'd forgotten about the rape comment! I'm not even sure that is a product of porn.

expatinscotland · 22/06/2013 16:02

And the pestering for anal sex? 'constantly wanting' she says. Even though she has told him, probably numerous times, no.

That's more than problems in the bedroom. It's disrespectful and scary, tbh, between 'I'm raping you,',pestering for anal when she doesn't want it, and barely penetrating her except for with an instrument.