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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moving in with the love of my life but EH has started seeing his EW

99 replies

HallInger · 19/06/2013 22:38

I know some of you may think I am totally in the wrong but 4 years ago I made friends with a lady as our sons were both in the same class at school. She introduced me to her DH who like me was a mad golfer. We started to play a lot of golf together. Fast forwards 4 years and yes, her DH is my new man and we have just moved in together.

Our lads get on quite well and have not taken it too badly - they are both in their teens. I can live with being a bad person if that's what you all think of me, but both my new partner and I have lived with long marriages which didn't make us happy and there was other s* too long to go into here, which both of us are relieved and happy to live behind.

There has been some gossip at the club and elsewhere, but my partner and I believe in each other and our love and we hope that one day people will look at us and know that we did the right thing to move on.

The bit I can't get my head around is that of all the single people in the world to see our Ex's have picked each other to date. It feels so weird. Am I wrong to think that - I don't want my Ex to be unhappy as he is my son's Dad but she is everything he didn't like in a woman, over weight, reckless with money, she has debts and a bad credit rating, a dirty house full of cats, she hates holidays and going abroad. One of the reasons my new partner left was that she rarely had sex with him and presumably my Ex will want to have sex? And of course everything will always be my new partner's fault for ever for the rest of her life, unless my Ex leaves her, in which case I assume it will all become his fault!

Also I think it is confusing for the kids and a bit weird for any mutual friends. We are trying to rise above it and simply demonstrate by our love and commitment and our refusal to slag them off and to always wish them the best that we don't actually care but I do wonder if there are mind games going on here.

OP posts:
Concreteblonde · 19/06/2013 22:39
Biscuit
Redflagcatcher · 19/06/2013 22:41
Biscuit
Hassled · 19/06/2013 22:42

It doesn't matter what's going on, though does it? Not your concern anymore. I do understand it's a bit weird for you but bear in mind what your current man says about his ex may or may not be 100% true. She was once nice enough that he married her - no-one really changes that much, do they?

ninah · 19/06/2013 22:43

yeah, definitely some mind games

Fairylea · 19/06/2013 22:43

What's good for the goose.....

Tortington · 19/06/2013 22:44

non of your business any more is it

thequeenmary · 19/06/2013 22:44

I think I saw a Midsomer Murders episode where this happened.

mynewpassion · 19/06/2013 22:44

Seriously the children are not going to be any more effed up after you and OM broke up your respective families.

ninah · 19/06/2013 22:45

you should putt it all behind you now

patienceisvirtuous · 19/06/2013 22:45

She wasn't so bad when he married her. And your ex has taken a liking to her so she obviously has something going for her?

Concreteblonde · 19/06/2013 22:46

Ah don't feed it folks. Just throw it some dandelions.

TheFantasticFixit · 19/06/2013 22:48

Goodness, you really drank the Kool Aid there didn't you?

KnittedWaffle · 19/06/2013 22:48

I'd be more concerned about how and why she racked up all those debts your 'man' disapproves of . . .

lemonstartree · 19/06/2013 22:51

Biscuit honestly, poor story

Ledkr · 19/06/2013 22:53

You sound like a right prat tbh your ex's probably spend many happy hours discussing how lucky they were to lose you.

meditrina · 19/06/2013 22:53

I doubt the lack of sex was true, but even if it were perhaps her lack of interest was in him and not in sex per se. They could be having an absolutely rip roaring sex life.

And perhaps her cats etc are preferable to your ex than the life he had before.

None of your business now, is it?

ITCouldBeWorse · 19/06/2013 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KneeDeepInDaisies · 19/06/2013 22:58

"Putt it all behind you" Grin

This advice fits to a tee.

pinkyredrose · 19/06/2013 22:58

Bit late to be worrying about confusing the kids isn't it? Just in case this isn't a troll then mind your own fucking business (literally)

Shlurpbop · 19/06/2013 23:00

Maybe your ex can see past her 'bad points' that you list and see a woman who might actually be faithful to him?!
Maybe your new man is the reason she has debts? Maybe she found him repulsive and that's why they didn't have sex?
Or maybe it's now none of your business.
All sounds a bit 'I don't want him but she can't have him either'

LapsedPacifist · 19/06/2013 23:00

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

goodasgold · 19/06/2013 23:03

Maybe it's time for a 'fore'some.

MorrisZapp · 19/06/2013 23:03

Golf. Well, it can happen to the best of us.

Lweji · 19/06/2013 23:04

Confusing for kids.
Weird for friends.
Rise above it.

Why?

KneeDeepInDaisies · 19/06/2013 23:05

It sounds like you might be 'green' with envy.

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