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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Moving in with the love of my life but EH has started seeing his EW

99 replies

HallInger · 19/06/2013 22:38

I know some of you may think I am totally in the wrong but 4 years ago I made friends with a lady as our sons were both in the same class at school. She introduced me to her DH who like me was a mad golfer. We started to play a lot of golf together. Fast forwards 4 years and yes, her DH is my new man and we have just moved in together.

Our lads get on quite well and have not taken it too badly - they are both in their teens. I can live with being a bad person if that's what you all think of me, but both my new partner and I have lived with long marriages which didn't make us happy and there was other s* too long to go into here, which both of us are relieved and happy to live behind.

There has been some gossip at the club and elsewhere, but my partner and I believe in each other and our love and we hope that one day people will look at us and know that we did the right thing to move on.

The bit I can't get my head around is that of all the single people in the world to see our Ex's have picked each other to date. It feels so weird. Am I wrong to think that - I don't want my Ex to be unhappy as he is my son's Dad but she is everything he didn't like in a woman, over weight, reckless with money, she has debts and a bad credit rating, a dirty house full of cats, she hates holidays and going abroad. One of the reasons my new partner left was that she rarely had sex with him and presumably my Ex will want to have sex? And of course everything will always be my new partner's fault for ever for the rest of her life, unless my Ex leaves her, in which case I assume it will all become his fault!

Also I think it is confusing for the kids and a bit weird for any mutual friends. We are trying to rise above it and simply demonstrate by our love and commitment and our refusal to slag them off and to always wish them the best that we don't actually care but I do wonder if there are mind games going on here.

OP posts:

K8Middleton · 20/06/2013 00:17

Golf? Now if you'd said "am dram" I'd have believed you.

Have you tried having more sex op? I find the more people get themselves the less they worry what everyone else is getting up to.

Mimishimi · 20/06/2013 00:20

I have a strong suspicion the whole story is outright fabricated but in the unlikely event that it isn't, it's none of your business now really, is it? You liked her enough to become friends with her but not enough to see what anyone else could possibly find attractive about her? Perhaps she was depressed with who is now your new partner and has a new lease on life with your ex. Weight can be lost, houses can be tidied, money can be managed or maybe they have mutually decided just to be FWB's. Their life, not yours.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 20/06/2013 01:26

oh i am laughing so much at this thread. its a good job dh is in the spare room tonight

well done all!

Notafoodbabyanymore · 20/06/2013 01:44

Dammit, late to the party! You guys are so funny. I have only this to add.

It certainly is unusual OP, you'd have to have been eagle eyed to see that coming.

In the event that this is genuine, OP, YABU. I know you didn't ask, but you are. You both walked away from your exes and screwed up your own marriages, so you lost any right to have a say in who they choose to be with.

ScumbagCollegeDropout · 20/06/2013 02:17

It's par for the course that they should find new partners.

No business of yours that it is with each other.

downunderdolly · 20/06/2013 04:55

Are you Shania Twain?

Lweji · 20/06/2013 06:23

Or...
is this a reverse thread?

KneeDeepInDaisies · 20/06/2013 06:32

Ladies!

Loving your work.

Whocansay · 20/06/2013 08:32

Assuming this is true...

What is wrong with the 'wronged' (for want of a better description)couple finding solace together? Surely, this gives them some common ground as they will be able to understand what the other went through? If it makes them happy, I don't see the issue.

And at least the children get to spend time with all parents.

And I'm sure your new partner told you all kinds of stuff to justify his behaviour. It doesn't make it true though.

Stepmooster · 20/06/2013 09:32

Well they've got things in common. They're both loyal types who don't go looking for shags down the golf club because they have money worries or they have hit a bit of a rough patch in their sex life. They both know what its like to have their families ripped apart by cheating spouses.

So what if she is a bit overweight, maybe he likes going to restaurants with someone who enjoys food and perhaps all those curves do it for him? You're judging her on her weight, you sound so shallow.

Get over it, its none of your business and I really wish them well.

Good luck down the golf club, over time your man will probably be forgiven but rightly or wrongly other women will just view you as that tramp who steals other people's husbands. I've seen it myself, all smiles but once your back is turned the knives are out! Women can be such bitches.

seagull61 · 20/06/2013 09:43

ignore the nasty remarks - I wish you lots of happiness with you new love! sounds like everyone is happier and better off...
however, although it natural to be curious about exs - and farnkly this is a bit weird and sounds really dysfunctional - what exs do next really is not your concern any longer.
you need to detach from their lives and get on with your own. good luck!

Hippychickster · 20/06/2013 09:44

Why is this ANY of your business?

Scruffey · 20/06/2013 09:50

At least access visits will be easy

TerrysNo2 · 20/06/2013 10:04

I know two sets of couples who have done this and both are still together 35 years and 10 years later respectively.

DeskPlanner · 20/06/2013 11:25

I've read this op before . It's not very interesting, the rest of the thread however is very funny .

Timetoask · 20/06/2013 11:28

Oh, my head hurts! far too complicated....
are you a sketching a novel or something?

sydlexic · 20/06/2013 11:32

It sounds like you are made for each other.

Original poster

HallInger · 20/06/2013 17:49

Lol the fact that half those who commented dont actually believe me kinda says it all really. I will move on and no I've no plans to air my dirty laundry on Jeremy Kyle any time soon. And yes we were both happy once in our respective relationships and not longu until kids grow up then I will ensure I dont see them again . I've got some serious golf to play. Thanks guys I will go back to my "other" persona now!

OP posts:

dandydorset · 20/06/2013 17:53

really,read your opening post again

think this should be in AIBU,yes you so are

BadgersRetreat · 20/06/2013 17:58

ah feck - i was going to ask if she was Shania Twain (or rather her best mate who ran off with Shania's DH...)

but i was pipped to the post.

GilmoursPillow · 20/06/2013 18:01

This wasn't supposed to be a funny thread, was it?

BadgersRetreat · 20/06/2013 18:05

IF it's true - she ran off with another woman's husband and then comes here to moan he's found someone else, who she then roundly slags off...

not gonna get a lot of sympathy on this board, is she?

financialnightmare · 21/06/2013 17:19

This happened to friends of mine! (Not with the golf club...)

I doubt it's THAT uncommon. Probably quite a bit in common - and certainly at the same point in their lives.

I'd see it as a positive - at least your kids have quite a nice, compact new merged family.

Good luck. :)

Lifeisforlivingkatie · 21/07/2013 20:44

Mmm and I thought life was complicated

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