I am sooooo sick of the way so many men seem to be treating their wives/girlsfriends on mumsnet these days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Carmenere]

There just seem to be too too many threads about nasty abusive bullying wankers passing themselves off as partners and fathers. WTF!!!

Holliec- i agree. its too easy for us to blame EVERY man for the behaviour of just a few.

i hope that somewhere out there is a factory producing lots of lovely gentle and careing men.....i'm gonna order two!

oi - now that would be greedy. will go hide behind the sofa, so long as holliec aint sleeping - noisily - on it

lol she will wake you with those farty noises.

and anyway i should be allowed two, its not greedy it preparedness.....in case one breaks down

i appriciate that someone realises it not easy to just leave.i too appear to people to be a strong person but the decision to leave is too hard at the moment.i often say to myself that im not scared of him,hes shorter than me and little but in those moments when hes towering above me or hes gripping my neck and im going to pass out ,im really scared and think im going to die.most posters say leave..go to a hostel etc,which is good advice bit when its you,you are too shell shocked to do anything

can i put in an order from the man factory for a big muscley one,with large bits...who cooks cleans and will clean out the cat litter tray

hol, have a friend who has recently got out of such a relationship - it took a lot of years - i was shocked when i found out. she just needed a catalyst to make her realise there was another life for her. it is down to timing and i expect you'll know if and when that time comes.

precisley holliec.

sometimes its not as easy as just getting up and going. it takles a long time and lots of deep thought.

they say that most women plan to leave about 3/4 times before they finally do.
its really difficult and its even harder when you have the expectaions of a group of other people to deal with. its like not only do you have to worry about you and yor family, but also a group of relatibve strangers too.

hell - you lot want everything :o

oops- meant from the factory

lol - you must be ordering the same model as me holliec.

thats very true sdo3. there is usually an incedent that acts as the motivation. for me it was DD. she was 10 weeks when i left, he came home drunk yet again and although he hadn't hit me yet he had started screaming an shouting. when he fell asleep my ds ( then almost4) said "mum is dad gonna hit you"

that was it! i didnt want my kids growing up seeing that. it really bought it home to me what i was doing. of course i knew before then what was happening but it just hadnt clicked iyswim

its different for different people.

is good that you're out of it and can offer advice to others who will find it hard to see a way out. i helped where i could but really found it hard to know what to say at times.
meanwhile i should be looking for a babe factory

i have planned to leave about 4 times,even veiwing properties but he then becomes Mr nice for a bit and i kid myself that it wont happen again.an incident happened at the weekend when i suddenly felt a curtain had come down and i didnt want to even look at him again.all the love id ever felt for him,just went.this hasnt happened before.but i need time to sort things out as im a bit of a mess in my head right now.i ned to beable to walk into the solicitors office and file for divorce with a clear head.i will do it but not today

hol, hope that whatever you have to do its as painless as possible in all ways. you're right about the clear head - having time to plan the best for the kids is good, is too easy to land yourself in a situation where you go back if the kids are suffering. hope you get sorted soon.

and dont be put off completely - there are some good guys out there, when you go looking.

holie hun if you want to add me to messenger then feel free fattiemumma @ hotmail dot com

i would advise speaking to someone from womens aid. even though your nto quite ready just yet they will be able to give you some excellent advice for when you are ready. they can even help you get things in place for when you do decide to leave.

as i say if you want to chat then feel free.

aww SDO3 your trying so hard to sell the product lol.

your right though there are some of you that arent too bad.... its just so blody hard finding you

tis blody hard indeed :o

i only have one son at home now,my 2 girls have left,my husband has two left at home.i have to be clear as there are lots of issues involved,i run ahome based business,i am the breadwinner,the house is in MY name but he refuses to go and my husband has non hodgekins lymphoma so alot of the time i am his carer.before i thought well ill nurse himthrough his illness and then ill be free,but hes still here.hope this doesnt make me sound like a bitch but he really has been a totally bullying bastard

do a good line at charming the birds out of the trees too.

can see it's a difficult choice to make. will h's kids beable to care for him instead of you? can see you would stay out of love/loyalty, but to be his carer is much harder. is not something to be rushed.

thanks for that fattiemumma,i have no friends and have not been out socially for 3.5 years,he doesnt like me to have friends.in fact theres not much he does like me to do.i spoke to womansaid when he last beat me up and they suggested an outreach worker to help me sort things out.i may phone them tommorrow.i feel such a drip but hes taken all my willpower away and his bullying has zapped me of any strength...i must go to sleep now before i fall asleep head first onto my keyboard...spk tommorrow,thanks for your understanding of a situation you need to have experienced before you can understand it.

SDOT,yes i have stayed as i felt sorry for him,but alot of the time hes fine,youd never know he was ill.if hes having chemo i drive him etc and if hes in hospital i spend my time between hospital and home.at the moment hes just finished chemo and is fine.his behaviour started way before diagnosis, the illness just gave him an excuse to do exactly what he wanted ,as everyone always says..poor ---

am sorry to have got you onto this so late at night. i know nothing of the illness, but is the treatment working?
when my ex went it was very short notice and i was just left with 3 kids. are you likely to beable to discuss the split with him and put as much in place as possible. i know its not likely to be what he wants, but you can be more than fair and decent about it as you have time to plan it. am sorry, this is a bit late.

his illness is not cureable but they can try to prolong life.he doesnt look ill most of the time,had a bad relapse in sept.and spent weeks in hospital,followed by 8 chemo sessions,which he suffered no ill effects from,on this regime his hair never even fell out.i am so sorry to hear about your partner,cant tell if she left or died from your post,bad things often happen to good people but i must say that you sound a really nice person so the kids are lucky to have you.today too many men seem capable of just walking away..gld to know there are some real men left out there.have a great week