Not important, but is this a red flag?

[sillymillyb]

Only been on 2 dates with this guy so not invested at all - he is a police officer on duty in a busy part of town tonight.

Have just received a text saying he is playing "spot the skank and whore"

That's not ok is it? Or is it and I'm overreacting?

My gut reaction was that I didn't like it, but I can't work out if I'm being precious! Think ill stick with being single, this dating malarkey is hard work!

No it isn't irrelevant. I would ask you to go out city centre on a Saturday night and see exactly how it is. I have and do and quite frankly what you will see is disgusting from a minority. Check out the ladies toilets in some of these bars and I can guarantee you, you won't think a lady has used them!!

Sorry to say, but that's the way they talk about people. They consider themselves above the law. I lived with a police officer for 2 years, disgusted by the behaviour, the 'comaraderie' (sp), the covering up for each other's mistakes and the hilarity that that usually caused. Too many outrageous stories to tell on here about them... NOT a good experience! Be careful op x

text him back saying it's time him and his mates went for a refresher course on how not to be a sexist pig.

I used to manage a Nottingham city centre bar forumdonkey. I used to have a lot of involvement with the police, giving witness statements etc. I never felt inclined to refer to the women as whores, not one time. Or skanks for that matter. And I never heard a member of the police do it either.

Well , I think that nottalotta has answered your question OP. The fact that some police officers may bolster their 'coping skills' with black humour derogatory insults amongst themselves is one thing. The fact that this particular police officer used the terms with you after 2 dates shows him very clearly as a dick.

One poster already suggested that you text back with 'I'm playing spot the knob, bye'. I [heart] that poster.

But it's not the same as other professions, really.

Surgeons find fat people unappealing - mainly because it's much harder and much riskier to operate through layers of oozy or solid stuff. But they don't then insult the person's morals in an I'm-better-than-you way.

Calling someone a skank or whore is a relatavistic insult - I don't like the way she behaves - I'm better than her - therefore I can make out she's a lot worse than she probably is. Yes, that person may well make your evening busier and more difficult than it otherwise would have been, but to write a group of people off with a nasty insult isn't treating people as people, but as inconveniences that you feel superior to.

In which case, don't be a policeman.

So forumdonkey, if a police office referred to someone as a 'nigger' in a private conversation with another officer, do you think that would okay?

What if the police officer was very frustrated with that person's behavior, would it then be okay?

What if that person was intoxicated in a public place, was vomitting in a public place, was committing a crime, or was a junkie? Would it be okay in any of those circumstances?

Good for you for being so professional but it wasn't said in a professional environment but I do wonder what you did call the knob heads who defaced and abused you and your staff. I wouldn't perhaps use those exact words but they would be viewed as less that favorable by you (from this thread) if some piss head had got aggressive or abused my staff

No lala racism in any form is not acceptable - end of.

By the way...............can you tell my ethnicity from my posts???

We had them removed and dumped unceremoniously on the pavement by our team of HUGE doormen, if they persisted we called the police and then when we sat down for our after work pint we usually had a good laugh about it. It's not about being professional it's about having beliefs and standards that won't allow you to use such hateful terms. Sorry but like I said earlier on, YOU may be used to and think those terms are ok but it doesn't mean they are, it really, really doesn't and you cannot justify it.

Personally, whether or not the behaviour he's witnessing is horrible, it's vile, disrespectful language, and I wouldn't bother seeing anyone who thought it was ok to text that to me after two dates.

They're both very much women hating misogynistic terms. He didn't say we're out spotting drunks or idiots..which I think would be totally different

Oh man I am so fucking depressed.

Hey donkey, being off your face and barfing in or on a loo does not make you a skank or a whore. Nothing does, because those terms are hateful, misogynist generalisations for women who don't conform to some idea of womanhood, or better, ladyhood - perhaps you could explain to us all what that is, and why it makes you a better person and more worthy of the police's good opinion. And do you know what, while we're all here, there is nothing that you could show or tell me, and I've seen plenty in Manchester, Leeds, Glasgow, London, to name a few, nothing, that would earn a woman that moniker or justify derision from the people who are being paid FROM OUR FUCKING TAXES to keep the peace.

Yeah UK city centres are hellholes at the weekend and it's not on. Yeah it's unpleasant for people working (though it's the people who clean the toilets in clubs I feel sorry for, not the goddam police). Yeah being off your tits makes you more likely to engage in criminal behaviour. But where women go and what they wear and who they shag - which is what the terms skank and whore refer to - is no business of the police's.

You need to straighten out your thinking.

forumdonkeySat 01-Jun-13 21:28:36

Did I miss that it was women that were being called exclusively 'skanks' ? I took it it context that it was a 'term of endearment' for the men and women who will be out getting so drunk they can barely walk, abusive and wouldn't be out of place in Jerermy Kyles holding pen

So you are saying its ok to be a mysogynist as long as you are classist with it!
There is a thread on the news board at the mo about a soldier who has got away with assaulting a woman in a nightclub.
Seems wearing a uniform is a free pass to make mysogynist AND classist comments as well as to treat women as objects.

Right I'm off to bed but quite frankly it's a 'term' and quite frankly some people 'earn' it. Jeremy Kyle rules. IMO it's no biggie, certainly not to be up in arms LTB!!

My thinking is just fine thanks - I even hold down a FT professional job I'm a woman and not all men are bastards (not as intelligent as us women but hey ho)

I rcognise your user name forum Have they finally banned you from MSE or is the site down.

forum you dont have to be male to be a mysogynist or a classist (look at Katie Hopkins)

What's MSE?

No Darkestyes that has nothing to do with an army uniform (shakes my head at the generalization) That bloke was a cunt with or without his uniform - he assaulted a woman. Big difference to the tile of this thread and what has been said

Never been banned from anything Feel free to try though

You are being deliberately obtuse Mysogyny seems to be endemic in these careers AS THIS THREAD PROVES.

if you are so damn sure you are in the right forum donkey then you wont mind me sharing this on Twitter will you.

Didn't make any assumptions about your ethnicity donkey and I was not trying to claim you are racist.

My point is, if you can understand that racist epithets are unacceptable regardless of what the subject might have done to arouse your disapproval, why is the same not true of woman-hating language?

Fine by me love - Its a new name (I thought original) but not me Check out with MNHQ when I joined and if it was my first time. BTW all the other forums I'm on I have different usernames - fill your boots because it's not me!!

donkey, the point about the Army uniform was that it affected the way the offender was dealt with, not that it motivated the crime