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Original poster

Not important, but is this a red flag?

117 replies

sillymillyb · 01/06/2013 20:32

Only been on 2 dates with this guy so not invested at all - he is a police officer on duty in a busy part of town tonight.

Have just received a text saying he is playing "spot the skank and whore"

That's not ok is it? Or is it and I'm overreacting?

My gut reaction was that I didn't like it, but I can't work out if I'm being precious! Think ill stick with being single, this dating malarkey is hard work!

OP posts:
rainbowfeet · 01/06/2013 21:36

When did I say it was ok?????? I was pointing out to the op that it goes on quite a lot when police officers are all together (as it probably does with other professions) so she would know that he is not the only one, doesn't mean to say that when he is away from his colleagues he is not a bad bloke!! It's just the job!! It's their sense of humour & for the record yes I think it is twatty !! But it's no worse than you hear in the pub!!!

Original poster
sillymillyb · 01/06/2013 21:36

I don't regret that chub, more the debate it sparked - I think his profession has made this go on a tangent, if I'd said he was a barman (or batman as my autcorrect wants to say!) then it wouldn't have been so heated. I'm sorry I've caused tension on here!

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 01/06/2013 21:37

No it wouldn't. Because bar workers aren't paid by the state to protect society.

It's a bit different

It matters

SgtTJCalhoun · 01/06/2013 21:38

Those of you saying this is OK? It isn't. It might be something YOU are used to but it's not ok.

Fairylea · 01/06/2013 21:39

Yuck.

Dump and run!

forumdonkey · 01/06/2013 21:39

Well he's got my sympathy - not a job I'd want on a Saturday night. A few pints and some men think they're ten men not to mention stupid women/ girls who drinks so much they are comatosed in their own vomit in a gutter.

SgtTJCalhoun · 01/06/2013 21:40

Yep definitely a man and a misogynistic one at that.

forumdonkey · 01/06/2013 21:42

I'm a woman btw sgt - check out my other posts Wink

SgtTJCalhoun · 01/06/2013 21:44

Really?

Hey OP throw this nasty man forumdonkey's way. They'll get on like a house on fire.

rainbowfeet · 01/06/2013 21:46

Any single male police officers will stand no chance of pulling after people have read this thread!!!! WinkWinkWink

DizzyPurple · 01/06/2013 21:47

Sorry to stir up your debate slightly but my ex is in the police and I can totally imagine him using those delightful phrases! He is very immature ( for a 48 year old man particularly) and I think that would amuse him greatly. Like many other professions though sometimes when you have a very stressful job it can lighten it up a bit. Not condoning that phrase it's rude and disrespectful but not surprised either.
Also I work in healthcare and yes some patients do provide amusement as suggested above but no way would it affect heir care whereas in he police it just might..

forumdonkey · 01/06/2013 21:49

And I'm objective enough to know that not all women and men act as they should (with or without alcohol ) Ever watched programmes of 'brits abroad' where they drink each others vomit, shag each other publicly, do stupid dangerous things, lay in the gutter completely comatosed in their own vomit. How would you describe these delightful people? Any city centre is much the same and I bet for police, door and bar staff it can be scary and disgusting to witness.

Sparrowlegs248 · 01/06/2013 21:49

I think the thing is that various professions, police, doctors etc, have a difficult job to do often with very difficult people. They develop some sort of black humour in order to deal/cope with it and not get really pissed off or depressed by it. They don't actually mean it mostly (at least i hope not) and it usually kept amongst themselves. They would hate to be overheard in normal circumstances. I'm NOT excusing it, just explaining it.

I think the issue is that he has text this to you after two dates!!! You don't know him well enough for that!! He is obviously stupid as he should realise that such a text willl leave you wondering if he is serious or not? In fact i think my reply would be 'is that a joke?'

forumdonkey · 01/06/2013 21:51

Yep send him my way cuz I say it how I see it Grin

rainbowfeet · 01/06/2013 21:55

That's very true my Dad is a retired fireman they too have their own brand of humour (a little bit sick probably to anyone who overheard it), & I dated a guy who was ex Army he too had a hard guy exterior & a sense of humour that took me a while to get used to & not take offense ....

SgtTJCalhoun · 01/06/2013 21:55

Well call me picky but I don't like hearing women referred to as whores under any circumstances it's a deeply hateful word for women and anyone who uses or makes excuses for others using it is a misogynist. I don't like skank either and would never use it myself.

rootypig · 01/06/2013 21:58

Calling women (and it will be women, I have never heard a man called a skank or a whore, ffs) names is not lightening up a stressful job, it is an expression of frustration that betrays deep rooted chauvinism. A culture that condones and apparently even encourages that attitude cripples the police's ability to do their job properly, and contributes to the piss poor attitude to DV and sexual crime in this country. Maybe if it weren't every fucking day the police and other services weren't being hauled over the coals for critically failing women and girls, then I wouldn't be so fucking bothered.

As for feeling sorry for them - do me a favour. The police love to act the martyr about how difficult their job is but I don't buy it. They love the status and the chance to be professionally self righteous. If they really hated it, they'd fuck off and do something else, wouldn't they? some people love the status so much they bloody do it for free!

Sorry for the hijack OP but I'm really Angry Angry Angry at some of the attitudes on this thread.

forumdonkey · 01/06/2013 21:58

Just a quick question - how old are you sgt?

tanfastic · 01/06/2013 21:59

My dh is a police officer. I've never heard him talk like that, not to me anyway. If he'd texted me after date 3 with that I'd have been seriously put off.

LaLaGordon · 01/06/2013 21:59

A man in East London recorded a police officer who arrested him telling him
"The problem with you is that you'll always be a nigger." and "I strangled you 'cos you're a cunt."

The police officer also made sexual insults about the man's mother and said that he (the victim) 'would be dead in five years'.

I get that this is police talk. But I don't get why that makes it okay.

SgtTJCalhoun · 01/06/2013 21:59

My age is irrelevant.

WarmFuzzyFun · 01/06/2013 22:01

If the way to deal with the stress of the job is to use abusive and derogatory language in this way, then in my view they are in the wrong job.

Such talk creates a climate and culture. It will affect how they view people and their worthiness.

As said up thread utterly depressing that so many of you think it is okay.

SgtTJCalhoun · 01/06/2013 22:02

Good post rootypig.

forumdonkey · 01/06/2013 22:03

Lala I don't see it as the same tbh. Racism and saying something to someone especially while 'on duty' (very very wrong) is far from making a generalization about some of the piss heads that are about in private context. Different very differnent

rootypig · 01/06/2013 22:03

Why would you ask that donkey???

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