How often do you lose your temper

[bordellosboheme]

And throw things? After a hard day when I just wanted to relax (dp been out all day doing his hobbies) dp would not let me watch any of my programmes. After him being generally annoying I lost the plot, kicked a laundry basket and smashed a bottle of beer in the kitchen. It's not the first time I have chucked and broken stuff (usually some china, like a mug). Ds was fast asleep, but could it disturb him? Dp just makes me so annoyed sometimes I haut have an outpouring and lose it. Is this normal or not? What can I do? I feel like I'd be a total martyr if I just let him dominate. Help please. Feel guilty

When are you going to stop making excuses for yourself and doing something about your rage issues.

'dealing with it' involves understanding the causes a1.... Youre not sounding too patient yourself!

all your posts are about dp(his fault),periods(hormone fault).in fact everything except you
nothing in your posts addressing you or your responsibilities
think about you,your triggers,your inappropriate response and why it's clearly so painful to take responsibility

ai have said nothing that is impatient.

If you want to fix.something you first have to admit you have a problem. So far all I've heard you say is my dp brings it out in me, my hormones make me crazy.

Understanding that you are the cause and no one else is the.first step.to finding a solution.

What would you say to your ds if he smashed his toys up if you didn't let him watch tv. The difference is he's a child who doesn't know any better, you do.

Wow!

There's anger, breaking things, throwing things, with kids in the house?

She should have him thrown out, she should be arranging that he doesn't see the kids, she should be making reports to the police.

Oh wait a minute - sorry, my mistake, I got this the wrong way round, its all the passive aggressive bastard of a hubby's fault, he really should learn to treat her better.

Hey Cogito - yup, once again I'm pointing out gender bias. If a guy had done any of these things this thread would be quite literally full of 'LTB before he hits you' comments - and you know it.

bordello can you slow down your response to your H enough to observe what you are feeling just before you erupt? Is there resentment from his lack of consideration? or hurt ? or are you just angry? If you can identify that feeling maybe you can change how you respond rather than lashing out. It takes practice to avoid the triggering of rage but it is possible to change. It might help to go to counselling to explore the anger you feel.

I do wonder why some posters think repeating the same point several times over somehow makes it more likely to be understood. Once is enough if it is a valid point of view!

If you are getting violent when you don't get your way, then I would think that you are trying to frighten your Husband into doing things your way. There's the threat of violence, a hint that next time the beer bottle may be aimed...

You really need to look at yourself and your reactions. You are responsible for your reactions. No one else.

If this relationship is lacking mutual respect then try to fix it or end it.

It's not normal to react like that with a partner. Tired or not.

very selfish of him not to let you watch your programmes, but smashing things is not the way to go, and makes you look bad. if what you watch on TV is an issue, you need to talk about it. You need to come to some agreement about who watches what, and when.

The month without him will definitely help you figure out if it's a reaction to him. Does he spend a lot of time doing his own thing? Do you have the same opportunity? If it's just about the tv, that's on you, but it seems a few posters aren't willing to find out if there are more underlying issues.

I'm another one with a horrible temper. If I'm having a bad day I could go nuclear over the smallest thing. But it never lasts long. Exception to this was/is with Ds' dad. He was a total control freak, and he would push me until I was screaming and throwing things, then I was the one in the wrong. It would take me hours to calm down from a row with him. He truly brought out the worst in me.

Sometimes it's not as simple as 'your temper, your problem'. I have a pretty harmonious family life now, but then DP isn't the manipulative twat that XP was. I still have a temper, but it shows less, and he understands why when it does. You need to work out for sure if it's you (in which case look into anger management) or him (in which case ltb, for all your sakes).

I agree with those that say throwing and smashing things is really not helpful. It is intimidating and means you have lost control. However, if rational argument and take/give is not happening, you may feel like you are really losing control and the extreme reaction comes out. Abusive people rarely lose their cool, actions like throwing things and raging are calculated to maximise the effect.
Therefore I do not agree with those posters who seem to think you are only making excuses.
Hormonal fluctuations do affect how we feel and our reactions. From personal experience I thought I had pms when living with my xp, I also thought I had AADD and that I needed to sort myself out. Now that we are not together I still have hormonal fluctuations, and become slightly more tearful a week prior to my period. Nothing like before when the stress was endless. My organisation is also better, and I generally feel a lot better at coping with life.
In short, I agree with Grumpy.