Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

[lubeytoobooby]

Woop! Lubes is BACK :o

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

Well I've text him!

Bant, thanks for that. I've never thought of myself as being sexist before :) I don't think I was being aloof, I told him we should meet again soon. I think he's just not a big texter. I guess you're right about being balanced.

Thanks everyone for your replies, I'm just a bit worried about bringing it up with him and appearing jealous/possesive or overly heavy.

But I suppose I'll have to wont I?

qo, I've had a quick scan of your posts, is it that you don't want him seeing anyone else?

bant excellent 5th rule. Only a couple of days ago he was saying how he was impressed by me (we met while running so not as weird as that sounds) and that he had a bit of a thing for me then. Pah
Must not text yet.

not especially oops, just if he is he could tell me. I'd like to know if it's just a fling or something worth investing more in as I am starting to become emotionally attached and need to know whether to quash that now before it goes further.

I know I said I didn't want to be his girlfriend, but that isn't because I don't like him - I do, it's just that I'd really rather take things slowly, and I have explained this to him.

Hmmm.. can you take things slowly and use different language with him, maybe using the word exclusive? Have a chat and say, following on from our last conversation how do you feel about us taking it to the next level and being exclusive? That way you're both making a commitment that allows emotional investment but security too knowing you are both making an investment without actually being boyfriend and girlfriend.... Kind of :)

qo he did ask if you would be his girlfriend...

OWW remember too that you would like a relationship, something that is right for you and its not easy. I refer you to my 40 plus (I really can't remember how many) dates, only fancying three, one wasn't interested, one I was with for 6 months and then Dutch. Between my LM and Dutch there was 8 months of the last of the cakes at the buffet. Although I liked Dutch on Skype as there was a hint of things to come I didn't know if I'd fancy him until we met. 3 out of 40 plus , lots of knobbers initially and lately lots of nice men who were just a bit dull.

The only reason I wasn't dating every week was because I was wanting someone my age with the potential for keeps and I'd been through them all the pickings were slim. I was the Queen of the Benefit of the Doubt. You are getting nice men, just not those who are what you really want. I do think once you meet someone who is right, it will all fall into place.

Yet another crossed post. I am in the back of beyond here.

Good luck T and Velvet - hope you both get the response you want very soon.

Bant and Juliette thank you for being so reassuring. I am almost at twenty now, blimey! Would never have believed it when I started out. But I suppose it will all happen in its own good time. They have all been nice men (apart from the Italian creepo, but that was misleading as someone else had written his profile for him so am not doubting my judgement too much) and one day it will be a nice man with added spark! It's all the stories on here like Dutchie, R&R, MrEA, Mr Nice, Nameless etc that give me hope and keep me going.

Thanks Oww. He's just replied. Thought he would as he's not an arse, though it clearly means nothing

Now I want to know what OWW looks like after Bant's descriptions .

I would like to know what you all look like, of course, but know people like to separate this and RL.

Velvet, does that mean he hasn't even read your text. Perhaps email the same thing and see if he responds to it.

Juliette, enjoy your time with Dutch.

Question for everyone, if someone asks you if you love them and you say 'Maybe', what would they take that to mean.

You can be my FB friend if you'd like, Scrazy and have a nosy! It's not very exciting though. PM me . . .

To put your question the other way round, if I asked someone if they loved me and they said "Maybe" I'd imagine either a) no they don't and they want to string me along a bit so they won't say no outright or b) if neither of us had said this before, possibly a yes but they were too nervous of saying. I think you know if you love someone or not, so it wouldn't mean to me that they didn't know. Either way I wouldn't like it as it doesn't seem very honest and open (but scenario a would be worse), but then again I wouldn't ask under normal circumstances.

Will PM you.

Yes, I think it would mean a) too, or in my case b) Sorry to talk in riddles.

Qo it may look like you're trying to have your cake and eat it. He offered exclusivity and you turned it down, but want exclusivity. It may be that you have very different interpretations of 'girlfriend' but I think you could have said yes without getting into heavy commitment. But if you want to keep it super casual and expect him to stop looking (what if he's actually after the real deal with someone!?) that may be a tough ask.

Scazy the thing is with questions like that, a blunt No would feel really offensive, Yes would leave you doubting they really meant it and Maybe is just meh. Maybe can ean I haven't thought about it (unlikey if they do love you) or caught llike a rabbit in the headlights need to say something, anything because they don't want to say No and hurt your feelings. I think if someone does love you, they will follow it up by telling you.

Going to moan. I am staying in a Caravan on a Dutch trading estate with no transport. Dutch's bike which he kindly brought up here for me is just too tall to ride (not a euphenism), he's working on the boat which is moored alongside. I've done The Archers and I'm bored witless as there is absolutely nothing to do. He is in his element doing manly stuff with his equipment (again, no) and I am putting on a brave face as he has been really thoughtful about making sure I feel at home but I'm struggling. I really can't imagine having sexy time here at all. 3 more nights of this and we can go home. Apparently the town itself is lovely so I'm sure we'll go out into it later and I'll feel better. I do have cake.

Hi stranger, I haven't said I want exclusivity - I said if it isn't then I think at the very least its only fair to let me know.

yay.

Cheshire Cat isn't going to be able to go out tonight, but I asked her out for next week and she said 'yes of course'..

After being dropped by the Translator in favour of a Danish guy she isn't even going out with anymore I was starting to get downhearted

Qo what does 'girlfriend' mean to you? I think for a lot of people it would mean exclusivity so this may just be a total misunderstanding. If I'd been seeing someone for a while and asked him to be my bf, a No would probably be a cue for me to stop seeing him as I would think he wasn't keen on me. I would certainly feel free to meet other people.

Please, I didn't just say NO and walk away - I told him why I said no, and that I was really happy with the things the way they are now for the time being because I DO NOT want to rush into anything. That's sensible isn't it? I also told him that I would not be seeing anyone else whilst I was seeing him, that's fair isn't it?

Anyway I feel a bit like I'm banging my head against a brick wall a bit, I'll have a think and decide myself what to do/say

it seems a bit unfair to ask someone if they love you, ought you not to declare your own feelings first and then wait for them to reciprocate?
(or not as the case may be)
'maybe' could be code for 'I do if you do'

Qo did the way things are include messaging and arranging dates with other people though? His behaviour isn't great but reverse the roles - most people would take what you said as a block to progressing a relationship and so continue to look elsewhere. It's perfectly sensible to have said it if it's what you want, but I wonder if you're trying to achieving something too nuanced.

That sounds good Bant. So, are you going to drag yourself along to the dating thing tonight?

Mercury, it's fair to ask if it has already been asked by the askee, iyswim .

Q, I would say that he is looking for a girlfriend so is still looking online to find one. Sounds like he wants someone to go family do's with.