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Original poster

Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

999 replies

lubeytoobooby · 31/05/2013 13:19

Woop! Lubes is BACK :o

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

OP posts:
Pomegranatenoir · 10/06/2013 21:54

Is everyone watching dates on ch4 at 10....? It's a drama on od!

OhWesternWind · 10/06/2013 21:59

He just wasn't for me, Pom, very into his cars and bikes and expensive clothes and money and general things which is just not me at all. And he was quite negative in his outlook and didn't smile half enough or pay me any compliments at all (recurring theme for me, this). Surely if someone (me) says "You look nice", then you'd pay a small compliment back, out of politeness if nothing else?

Hrrrm · 10/06/2013 22:00

Stranger Really? But what if he meets someone else or forgets that we were going to meet? It feels a bit like eBay... Blush

mercury7 · 10/06/2013 22:03

It feels a bit like eBay
you may have just described the crux of the problem with OD :o

OhWesternWind · 10/06/2013 22:03

Well Hrrm could you carry on messaging through the site? Or just send a text and see what his reply's like? I know what you mean and would prefer a bit of contact in this situation myself.

mercury7 · 10/06/2013 22:05

does he think he can buy your favours OWW ? Hmm

Bant · 10/06/2013 22:07

OWW - you sent a polite 'thanks but no thanks' - now just ignore him. Block his number or delete his texts, whatever - he's being an entitled arse.

ALittleStranger · 10/06/2013 22:10

Hrrm if it's been a while then normally they'll be a "just checking we're still on" text, but not continuing chat after we've arranged to meet. But as I say, I think I'm too cold!

Pom I am, it's making me angry! Not helping my efforts to persuade people that OD is normal!

I do think one of the problems with OD is that people are still a bit awkward about it and that further incentivises bad behaviour. It's almost like people want to fail to avoid getting to the introducing stage and explaining how they met.

oopsadaisymaisy · 10/06/2013 22:13

Hi everyone, can I have a bit of advice please? So I've met a guy od, we've skyped, chatted and been out on our first date. He's lovely. We had a nice time, he gave me a kiss on the cheek when we parted and text me when he got home saying 'I really like you oopsadaisymaisy', really sweet. I have a good feeling about him. What I'm not used to is how infrequently he contacts me. I don't think there's anything untoward at all. I just think he's laid back and not big on phoning etc. I'm so long out of the dating game I'm not really clear on how these things work. I'm ok to be ok with him being like this right? Or am I being naive ... I always worry that I miss signs. It wouldn't be entirely unusual :)

Hrrrm · 10/06/2013 22:19

Ha! Glad I'm not the only one with the eBay feeling.

I might text him to test the waters... We could keep messaging online, but his most recent reply was quite short and didn't leave much room for a follow up iyswim. Text seems different because its shorter. But what should I say..?

Pomegranatenoir · 10/06/2013 22:49

hrrm could you be a bit playful and send him 5 quick fire questions...

Cake or steak
Tea or coffee

Obviously not all food related but its a good trick for getting convo's going and a bit of playful banter!!

Maybe wait till tomorrow though given the time!

Pomegranatenoir · 10/06/2013 22:54

stranger I quite enjoyed it but think it will put a lot of people off od. Lives up to the expectation that everyone doing od has big issues!!! Although I suppose a drama about normal nice people that met online wouldn't have quite the same effect!!

Hrrrm · 10/06/2013 22:55

Good point! It is a bit late.

Not sure he's that kind of person, sending him questions like that might put him off. (Sorry!)

Pomegranatenoir · 10/06/2013 23:07

I get that - its bit the right approach for everyone!

Remember this isn't just about making him happy or like you - you also need to be kept happy and need to like him. It is just as easy for you to go back online and chat to someone as it is for him. Don't undersell yourself

qo · 10/06/2013 23:07

Hello is it ok if I step in and ask a question? [noob]

OhWesternWind · 10/06/2013 23:09

Just send a general chatty how's your day text tomorrow lunchtime maybe. Some people just aren't texters though.

OhWesternWind · 10/06/2013 23:09

Sorry yes Qo fire away!

T2710 · 10/06/2013 23:12

Oh dear. Hot guy just liked my fb status. When I saw it I got butterflies. It is taking me all of my will power to not text him. I REALLY like him :-s and now I don't know if it's my fault we stopped seeing each other! The only think keeping me from getting in touch is the fear of rejection Hmm

qo · 10/06/2013 23:12

Thank you! It's probably been asked a load of times before, I did have a very quick look but couldn't see anything, anyway....

How many dates would you have to go on with someone to expect that they'd stop using the dating site they met you on,? - not that I EXPECT it, but you know what I mean?

OhWesternWind · 10/06/2013 23:17

Well I think it's something to have a conversation about when you feel ready - it's difficult to quantify the number of dates but there comes a point when it moves from being dating to something else, and that would be the point for me.

Sorry, pretty unhelpful reply!

T if you think contacting him is the right thing to do, then go for it (probably!). Sorry, what was the story behind you stopping seeing him?

Hrrrm · 10/06/2013 23:17

True - I'd appreciate a text as it kind of moves things on a bit, so if he's not a texter I'd certainly note that. Might text him tomorrow as he's doing something I could mention, so it's a good excuse.

I have found the 'rules' on this thread helpful, but there just don't seem to be many guys who'd be my type in my area, so I'm not managing to be in contact with at least 3 at a time. Will see how this one goes.

T2710 · 10/06/2013 23:18

Hi qo. I don't think there's a set number, it's more once you've had 'the chat' though tbh unless you're both after a very casual thing I don't like the thought of them still actively looking if you've slept together!

T2710 · 10/06/2013 23:24

Stupid really, I do post a couple if weeks ago. We'd had 4 dates, got on amazingly, dtd etc, arranged to see each other again, he was still using pof a lot (my colleague messaged him to suss it out - he doesn't know it was her - and he offered out his no to honour some time after exchanging only a few messages) obv didn't love this as he's said he was only seeing me (which literally speaking was true). Anyway next day was date day, had a feeling he would cancel, called at 5 saying he was stuck at work and that wed rearrange. I was a bit pissed off thinking he was using it as an excuse, so text saying 'had a feeling you were guna cancel. Shall we just leave this 'thing'. I honestly don't mind' (I did!!) and he said he was genuinely stuck at work but it was prob beat to leave it as he wasnt 100% sure we were right for each other.
WHY is he liking my status'? Aargh. I really want to text.

qo · 10/06/2013 23:28

Well, we have slept together. He asked me to be his girlfriend at the weekend, but I said no - BUT I am quite happy for things to carry on as they are for the time being, and said I definitely wouldn't be seeing anyone else while I was seeing him.

He's asked me to go to a family thing with him next weekend and a friends barbecue, and I have met one of his friends. He seems really keen, but he is still on there and online every night.

I don' want to say anything and appear the jealous or possessive type, but although I don't want to fully commit (yet) I don't want to be played either.

I'm on there using the instant chat to two (female) friends, as I don't have facebook and they don't have Skype, and he knows this. So just as I'm on there "innocently" ie not looking, he could be too?

qo · 10/06/2013 23:30

Also forgot to add that my best friend met her husband online, and experienced the same thing - she was the same as me didn't want to say anything and eventually he did stop using it and they're still together and solid as anything