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Original poster

Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

999 replies

lubeytoobooby · 31/05/2013 13:19

Woop! Lubes is BACK :o

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

OP posts:
squashedbanana · 07/06/2013 22:38

venturing in...need some advice...

First off I have trust issues - in men and in myself in not attracting a sociopath, you'd understand why if you knew my full dating history

Met someone on Badoo and we hit it off immediately, lots of funny banter and both of us waiting to hear the ping telling us the other person had replied. Neither of us are looking for a relationship but looking to make friends and if anything develops it would be a bonus.

After realising we're both the male/female version of the other he suggested we just have a laugh and that we don't take things too seriously and just see what happens. I agreed and then his flirting begins and he signs off his messages with lots of kisses and is open about his excitement about meeting me when we set a date.

Now I am typing this, I am wondering what it is I want to ask or what I want to know. He has his boys every weekend (he's been divorced 5 years) I sent him a text message asking him some questions as he said he wants me to know him, it was just after 10pm and he texted back and said he was tired after messing around with his boys and he'd answer in the morning as he was going to bed. The part of me that's always looking for red flags and is on high alert is thinking why didn't he just answer the questions when he texted back. But then I think I am just being insecure and over cautious. This is really about me not him isn't it?

Poogate · 07/06/2013 22:48

Hey Kirsty, well he's been pretty flaky anyway and wasn't long term material (7 years younger and I think a bit of a player), I was just interested to see what you thought, whether I was overreacting ! Glad to see that you think not, most of my friends said it was a deal breaker but one or two said I was being precious... Another one binned off then! Back to the drawing board.... Grin

Actually while I'm here I got a message from a a seemingly normal, not bad looking guy yesterday, and he's four years older than me which is like gold dust! I came home, told my friend and she had received a message from the same guy the day before! Blardy typical. She's not interested but I'm not sure whether to pursue or not, I guess I wouldn't have known if he'd messaged every woman on the site but knowing he messaged my friend kind of tainted it. Should I give him a chance?

OhWesternWind · 07/06/2013 22:49

Poo erm aren't toilets for doing poos in? If he had a drive after leaving, perhaps he just had to go. But yes he should have cleaned up!

Hello Banana - I wouldn't worry, could well be he was busy and tired and wants to be able to give your questions some proper thought.

Poogate · 07/06/2013 22:54

OWW yes indeed they are. I'm just a bit 'precious' about keeping an air of mystery, at least for the first few times after DtD!! As I said, it's my issue, I know... I could have lived with it if he'd cleaned up!

KinNora · 07/06/2013 23:02

A brief pop in from me,

Poogate - have you known many surgeons ? Because I'm telling you that a lot of them would feel perfectly entitled to climb up on your breakfast bar and poo next to your Rice Krispies if they felt the urge (and possibly throw your spoon at you for disturbing them mid-void) - you got off lightly.

Banana - I think that's probably fairly reasonable from him but keep your spidey senses on alert just in case.

Big hug to the Velvster.

Admiration for Dutchy and his chopper.

Mwahhhhhh to you all.

Poogate · 07/06/2013 23:12

Kinnora. No only the ones who have operated on me! I've never been 'intimate' with a surgeon before. Thinking back he certainly had a sense of entitlement about him!

Kirstywirsty · 07/06/2013 23:18

What's the difference between God and surgeons? God doesn't think he's a surgeon Grin

Bant · 08/06/2013 04:28

Morning all

Hello poo and banana

Poo- it may seem a bit entitled, but I'd be more put off by the surgeon thing. He may be one if those people who are very regular and have had a longish journey after leaving yours?
As for the guy who messaged you and your friend - it's not really fair on the guy is it? I had one woman cancel a date on me because she knew someone I'd dated fur a few weeks, which was annoying but understandable. But just for messaging someone?
Would it be fair for him to disappear on you because it turns out he knew someone else that messaged you? OD is a numbers game, sometimes there will be weird coincidences

Banana - he was tired, maybe he needed to think about the answers. I'm sure you've had times when the DC have exhausted you and you needed to go to bed.

That said, if the behaviour of someone just feels weird, maybe they're not right - but we do all realistically have to compromise, no one is perfect.

RafaellaNhaKyria · 08/06/2013 04:30

Hello everyone, sorry I've been absent all week. Just very busy with work, and spending every afternoon/evening at the watermark with dd before she does to her dad for three weeks.

Had second date with oil rigger, dinner and a nice walk. I'm glad I gave this a second chance. I do like him very much, he's easy to talk to and it feels we've known each other forever. He's a fabulous kisser, makes me feel all melty...best hugs and cuddles I've ever had, too. He hasn't pushed for sex although I certainly know he's game. He's had the oomph moment, he told me in so many words but said he's happy to take things at whatever pace I feel comfortable with as he really likes me and wouldn't want to ruin anything.

The more I know him, the more I like him. I find that I miss him when we aren't talking during the day. Sometimes he'll send a text that just says "how's it going? Thinking of you" and I go all fluttery.

I haven't had sex with him yet, although I wanted to Grin that's where I seem to rush into things in the past so I'm deliberately going slowly. If he doesn't get called early to a new jobs site next week he's taking me to the coast for the weekend, he wants to take me to the aquarium there. If we go, I am certain to DTD. I won't be able to restrain myself, I'm sure. But why should I, anyway. I am quite sure he's not only interested in a shag.

The potential to get my heart broken again is becoming real. But nothing ventured is nothing gained.

Bant · 08/06/2013 05:06

Raf - do aquariums push your button then? :)

Slow and easy. It's great to think he might be great and you've met a great guy, but as with anything worth having, there's a potential for hurt too. Just keep doing what you're doing and tell us about the fish :)

velvetspoon · 08/06/2013 06:57

Off to friends for lunch today (and squidgy cuddles with their baby) then drinks in the evening with other friends.

Will be a) trying not to cry when (inevitably) they ask about my lovelife and how things are going with C and b) hoping against hope to hear from him.

Poogate · 08/06/2013 08:14

Hello Bant, good advice, I will message him back - thanks Smile

Poogate · 08/06/2013 08:16

Grin @ Kirsty

pornstarmartini · 08/06/2013 09:29

Good morning. I've been having a little lurk and trying to catch up on everyone's stories. I'm looking for a bit of advice but will share a bit of background first.

Very recently separated (6 weeks) but been over for 2 years in reality. I'm ready to move on and been shown some attention for once. Anyway, been using badoo/pof and had a couple of dates.

  1. Really lovely bloke. Met a few times and then he decided to inform me that he is married. Ended all contact
  1. No physical attraction at all and very boring. Made me realise that I don't fancy short men.

Fast forward to number 3 and the advice I want. ..

Started talking on POF a week ago and have met up for a drink. Physically attracted to him and had a really lovely night. We kissed and he was a perfect gent. Next plan had been to meet up on Monday for another drink but stupid ex is now saying he doesn't want to see the kids. Mr.Policeman has said I'm welcomed to come round tonight. Should I go? I've googled/stalked him on Facebook/twitter etc and everything he's said seems to ring true so far. He took a call from his ex wife whilst I was sat there so I'm confident he isn't married! My instincts say go for it but am I insane? I really really want to see him. ... Help!

OhWesternWind · 08/06/2013 09:33

Raf glad things are all going well.

Need a bit of advice here please - I'm due to see the bloke from last weekend again tonight and essentially I was going to use tonight to see if I thought there was anything there. We are going out for a meal and a drink which is his suggestion. We were texting a bit last night, just nice normal chat, then he phoned. I'd told him before I didn't like phoning but I picked up otherwise it would have seemed very rude.

Anyway, chatted a bit and started talking about where we would go tomorrow. He started saying the restaurant we went to last week was rubbish, he didn't enjoy it (but he'd seemed fine at the time). So I said well where do you fancy going tomorrow? And he goes, oh don't ask me, I'm just the provider. What?? Was very taken aback, his suggestion to go out for a meal both times and he insisted on paying.

Not sure if I want to go out tonight with him, been wavering all week but I thought that was a really odd comment. Think I will text and suggest just a drink and say that I am more than happy to pay my way. Or should I just cancel and if so how at this late stage?

Bant · 08/06/2013 09:36

Can you trust your instincts, martini? You're the only one that can make a decision. As long as someone knows exactly where you are and he does seem trustworthy, then id say go for it. Other people may have better advice

pornstarmartini · 08/06/2013 09:36

oww that comment would always stick in my mind. Sounds like he has some kind of hang up. I think you should suggest just a drink and see how you feel after?

pornstarmartini · 08/06/2013 09:40

bant my instincts are usually pretty spot on. I think it's cause I've been reading so many dating horror stories. Worried I'll get to his house and he'll attack me! It's hard not to think that everyone online is either a psycho or married. I figure at some point I need to take a risk. His kids will be there and in bed so I don't think he'll be trying anything on. Plus he knows that's not even an option yet. I've seen his warrant card so he is a policeman.

pornstarmartini · 08/06/2013 09:42

And anyone dated a policeman. I've heard a few people say it's not the ideal profession. It tends to turn people quite hard and aggressive. I'm not one to stereotype but these comments make you question things. I'm so pleased I've found somewhere I can ramble. Can't do it in RL

velvetspoon · 08/06/2013 09:44

Martini I wouldn't go round to his house tbh.

Not for any danger reason, more because almost all policeman are serial shaggers with a few on the go at any one time. If he's inviting you round, it will be because he wants sex. Fine if that's an itch you need to scratch too, but bear in mind you probably won't see him again after.

Feel free to ignore my advice of course, because I'm just someone who can't get a boyfriend and who men consider an easy lay, so what would I know?

Bant · 08/06/2013 09:53

Oww - strange thing for him to say. I'd do the drinks thing but look out for more red flags

pornstarmartini · 08/06/2013 10:00

velvetspoon I'm very similar to you. I have a 'look in my eyes'. God knows why! I've not had sex with anyone other than my ex in ten years so even if that's what he wanted. It isn't happening. I suppose I want to go and see if that's all he is interested in. It's a whole mine field

OhWesternWind · 08/06/2013 10:21

Martini I wouldn't worry about his job, not that I have any experience with policemen (or surgeons)! Serial shaggers and aggressive types can be found everywhere - my ex was both and he worked in a "caring" profession. Don't let that put you off, but go in eyes wide open.

Have texted bloke suggesting just drinks. We will see.

squashedbanana · 08/06/2013 11:14

Thanks for the advice. He texted me a lovely message this morning and we have been swapping texts all day. He seems such a lovely man. Icing on the cake now is he's just told me his eldest boy isn't really his, he took him on as his own when he was just 17 months old and treated him as his ever since.

Not found a red flag or a 'catch' yet but am keeping one eye open for one, but for now it seems all good.

About dating a policeman, I met one on camfrog about ten years ago, got on like a house on fire, made arrangements to meet and he stood me up. I realised after, once I read back our messages with a more cynical mind that he wasn't single, he was just looking for someone on the side

pornstarmartini · 08/06/2013 11:18

squashed he sounds lovely! Not the policeman one.

I've not seen any red flags so far. Despite looking and rereading all our messages. The only issue for me is his job. It's purely the danger aspect of going to his house that is concerning me