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Original poster

Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

999 replies

lubeytoobooby · 31/05/2013 13:19

Woop! Lubes is BACK :o

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

OP posts:
velvetspoon · 07/06/2013 18:35

I can't dumb myself down. I keep winning the work quiz (single handed, against teams of people Blush because I'm such a bloody show-off about how clever I am Blush

Thank you Snape. I don't think men who want a relationship with me actually exist though :( I so wish I could believe that I'd have a wedding. I'd settle for being able to change my Facebook status, but that doesn't seems likely to ever happen either.

Bant/ Joy I deleted all my profiles a while back but honestly, I don't think it's anything in there, because RL men treat me the same. It's not some men, it's every man.

And it makes me really, really sad.

Snapespeare · 07/06/2013 18:36

bant bless you, you're just doing that so you're not intellectually challenged and you think you'll get laid...Shock Grin

Bant · 07/06/2013 18:40

Hey. i like being intellectually challenged.

And getting laid.

The first one seems to happen far more often than the latter though.

1980, the 4th post (I think) in this thread outline the rules of online dating. Thick skin, etc, gained from collectively hundreds of years of experience of it

Snapespeare · 07/06/2013 18:42

bant they're not mutually exclusive you know! :)

Bant · 07/06/2013 18:45

Velvet. There are men out there who want relationships. Believe me, I know. They want them with atteactive intelligent women like you.

So there are two options here. Either you're only attracting the hyenas who are looking for a quick f*ck, or you're attracting all types of men and giving out a signal that that's all you're looking for. Which is why that's all you get.

Not forgetting the fact that some of the men you dated bat gave actually been desperate to go on a second date with you but you didn't fancy them. I am NOT saying you should, I'm just trying to understand what's happening.

You are getting dates. It's not as if you never speak to anyone, never get mails from anyone, its just that somehow its not working out.

If it is one if those two things, which is more likely?

Bant · 07/06/2013 18:51

My previous post, by the way, is based on the premise that there are actually decent blokes out there.

OhWesternWind · 07/06/2013 18:51

Where are you going A1980? Is this your first date since the break up? I'd recommend meeting him as soon as you can, so you don't build things up in your head too much, which is so easy to do. And don't expect too much - likelihood is that he'll be a nice, pleasant man but there's no spark. That's the case 90%+ of the time, but you will strike lucky sooner or later!

Please carry on posting!

A1980 · 07/06/2013 19:19

Just for a walk and drinks. It'll be my second date since the break up. the first was awful.

There was instant chemistry with my ex so its hard having crap dates.

velvetspoon · 07/06/2013 19:23

Bant I don't think I'm attracting men who are only looking for sex full stop, as evidenced by the fact several of my dates are now in relationships - so they obviously were 'in the market' for a girlfriend. BUT I don't think any of them ever considered me as girlfriend material, possibly not before the date and certainly not after, as I never saw them again.

There have been 4 men in 4 years I didn't want to see again. 2 clearly felt the same, as apart from a nice to meet you text, I never heard any more from them. The other 2 asked, and I said thanks but no spark etc. One of those then told me it would only have been for sex anyway. I got 'casual' vibes off the other one too, so I doubt that would have been different.

So that leaves.... me giving a signal of just wanting a quick shag?

I honestly don't think that's true, I hope it isn't. And if it was, I'd have given the same signal to C, which I can't have, because he never saw me just as that.

velvetspoon · 07/06/2013 19:35

Is it possible just to give that signal even? I'm worried now...what would I do if I was?

I don't ask about 2nd dates etc but just because I don't want to presume, not because I don't want to discuss it.

Bant · 07/06/2013 19:44

I've seen that signal from people I've dated. I know I could get them into bed very easily. Personally I choose not to because I know it'll never go anywhere and I don't want to upset people.

You seem like a confident intelligent attractive woman. You get dates. Maybe you come across as too independent, or too dependent - I really don't know, having never met you. I think there are so many people out there who are looking fur someone like you, maybe you just need a different 'dating face'

We all want to be ourselves on dates but also put our best, funniest, most attractive, mysterious yet friendly sides forward in order to impress.

I dunno. Maybe I should take you out on a date and give you a critique later :)

JoylessFucker · 07/06/2013 19:48

OK, so what we're dealing with is the way you've perceived velvet. So, obviously your appearance is a large part of that. For once, it may be easier to correct that misconception in on OD than in RL, because let it be understood that I would never ever ever suggest you change ...

So, to use me as an example - on the outside, I'm a grey haired motherly woman. Truly I am. But there's a naughty twinkle apparently (so I'm reliably informed). On OD that won't get across unless they meet me in person. So, because I like sex and its a very important part of a relationship for me, I have a strap line that reads: motherly exterior, bad girl interior. Not always, but mostly its attracted those who get that they are buying into both aspects of me.

For example velvet, you could have one that reads: bimbo exterior, brainiac interior (and please don't take offence, I was going for alliteration). Glamour-puss exterior, football mad interior. Va va voom outside, bright & brainy inside. You get where I'm going and I'm sure you'll come up with better. I know the belief is that profiles should be brief, but I think one that showcases who you really are is the one that has a chance of attracting someone who'll appreciate the you that we see. Otherwise people will go with the easy stereotype and you, my dear, are worth way way more than them.

And now I have to go on my date ... ho hum, can't say I'm overly excited.

OhWesternWind · 07/06/2013 20:10

Hope it goes well JF - update if you have time

Bant · 07/06/2013 20:55

CheshireCat just sent me a picture of her cuddling her puppy. I think I may be falling a little bit for her

Kirstywirsty · 07/06/2013 21:03

For 1980

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop
velvetspoon · 07/06/2013 21:03

My last profiles - the one that I found C with, and the one I did after that, were very much along don't judge a book by it's cover, I'm not the average girl etc. But apart from C I still got the same men.

I don't know what dating face I give. All I know is I do my best to come across as witty and amusing. I don't try too hard. In RL people like me. I am popular, perceived as outgoing, friendly, warm. Not one person in RL can understand why men are not queuing up to be my boyfriend. And they're not. They never have.

OhWesternWind · 07/06/2013 21:16

That's where I'm going wrong Bant - am sadly lacking in the photos of me with cute puppies department. Do you think I should send Weekend Bloke a photo of me in my hard hat pointing at some defective render and see if it makes him go all gooey?

Bant · 07/06/2013 21:37

Strangely a profile picture of a woman with a pet is a turn off. But we chatted about her dogs and she went all misty eyed. It was sweet

Snapespeare · 07/06/2013 21:44

Just so we're absolutely clear, 'puppy' is like, a dog' yes?! Not a euphemism?

Bant · 07/06/2013 21:46

A Yorkshire terrier called buksi.

Snapespeare · 07/06/2013 22:26

is 'buksi' hungarian for 'foof'? Wink

OhWesternWind · 07/06/2013 22:33

It should have a topknot with a ribbon in and be called Foofie-Woo a la James Herriot ...

Poogate · 07/06/2013 22:34

Hello everyone, long time lurker / first time poster; this thread has helped immensely in my OD journey so far.

So last Friday had third date, he came back to mine, we DTD, everything thus far seemed normal, good manners, no red flags, so far so good. In the morning he took a shower (good sign, hygienic), but just before he left, he did something that has disturbed me ever since; he took a poo (in my loo, obviously); I was somewhat taken aback by this seemingly brazen behaviour as I have been known to have stomach cramps from not wanting to go to the loo (wee is ok!) at a new guy's place... Ok so some of you will tell me to get a grip, it's a normal bodily function and that is my issue and you are probably right, but he could have waited til he left, which was 2 mins afterwards!

This however is not his most heinous crime. This is: he left skidmarks on my loo. And I have a toilet brush!! Sorry for the tmi but it left me quite disturbed. I would never do that to someone I had known for years, let alone someone I was trying to impress. And he's a surgeon and seemed intelligent and switched on but this kind of makes me feel that he has no self awareness.

Interested in what others think. It's put me right off him!

Kirstywirsty · 07/06/2013 22:36

Love the name poogate Grin I'm with you .. He should have waited till he left .. What are you going to do???

mercury7 · 07/06/2013 22:38

some sort of territory marking behaviour?? Confused