Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

[lubeytoobooby]

Woop! Lubes is BACK :o

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

Nice to hear lots of happy news for people.

I'm not one of them of course. Have text C twice now and no response. Its possible I might still hear from him, but as each day passes I fear it's increasingly unlikely. Which because he was pretty much my last chance, makes me incredibly sad.

Can only cling to the shred of hope that I'm wrong, because if he has dumped me, that's it for me. My last chance at anything. Not like I'm going to find anyone else through OD .

velvet it is not your last chance at all .. C has been keeping you dangling. If he doesn't reply this means that you are free to see other people .. Even let the cop show you his truncheon for a bit of fun

(((((velvet)))))

Sorry you are feeling so sad. It's a really difficult situation with C, and only you can make the judgement as to whether the pleasure is worth the pain. You are clearly attracting men, as you have 2 men in your life at the moment who are interested (colleague and policeman).

All I would say though is that the only certainty in life is that things change. This is not your last chance at happiness, your life will not be the same in 5 years as it is now, because change is inevitable.

Putting my cbt head on, I would say that although you feel that this is your last chance (and these feelings are very real and painful), that it is useful to challenge the thoughts (much easier to challenge than feelings).

Feel free to ignore my waffle, but please do accept my giant hugs

Morning all

Sorry you're feeling down velvet but as others have said - you have other men interested in you, it's just that the one you want isn't stepping up. OD is definitely not the answer, real life may work better for you.

Juliette, hope your back holds up

Tigsy & Hey - I'm happy things are back on track.

I got talking to a couple of friends last night who've been here longer than me - both women. They said that basically women in Hungary are like British women from the sixties (apparently there was a survey on dating attitudes in various countries, and Hungary and a couple of others matched up with women's expectations and approaches from the UK in 1962)

So they're not forward when it comes to dating - they will never ask a man on a date. They will never offer to pay for a meal. Many of them basically expect to marry, have kids, do the cleaning and cooking and not have a career of their own. They expect to be pursued, for a man to be persistent, to provide, all that stuff.

As I'm meeting Hungarian women who are somewhat more forward thinking - as in they want to live outside Hungary, have careers etc, and don't want to marry Hungarian men because they're so conservative, then I'm going to work out how far they've moved on since '62 - but I still can't expect them to be forward or even kiss on the first, or second, date. It's not a bad sign, it's to be expected.

Crap, I've got to learn the rules all over again.

Ahem Bant my back is just fine than you despite my Dutchfest.

Velvet this is so not your last chance. I can understand it must feel like that because C was a hope but you are the one woman on this thread who attracts men wherever she goes. It will happen,

Oops it will happen one day with a man who truly is worthy of you (((((hugs))))).

I know you're all trying to be kind, and its nice of you and everything, but it's fairly obvious it's not going to happen for me. I've wished, I've tried, and there's nothing I can do.

I know I'm attractive. Without wanting to seem too Samantha Brick about it, most men fancy me. But that's as far as it goes. Men want to shag me, but that's all. They never want want me as a girlfriend. I'm the one they fancy, the one they'd sleep with (strictly as a one off of course). But not the one they'd have a relationship with. I can't change that can I?

It's not just OD. I meet men in RL. But I'm the same - a bit of fun, no more. C was the only exception in 4 years, and even he didn't want a relationship.

I'm kidding myself if I think I'll find anyone else, if I was going to I would have by now. Why would anything change? It hasn't in 4 years.

Oh lovely lovely velvet. I know you're aware that we care and we find you fabulous, so I'm not going to repeat any of that now.

But ... I do feel the need to say that your 4 years before C was the "old way velvet did OD". You changed your criteria quite dramatically recently and you met C. He fit that new criteria, but is clearly not ready to be in a relationship yet. That doesn't mean that everyone else who meets your new criteria will also be as unready. It just means patiently wading through the shite in your high-heeled fucking fabulous wellies darling until you find one who isn't. I'm not going to say it'll be easy, I wouldn't be so foolish as to promise you a happy-even-after, I just think that you only gave your well-thought-out new criteria one go, so please don't feel that C is your last hope. I rather regard him as your turning point ...

Sending a to Juliette, Snape & 48

Also a and good to hear you're keeping your wits about you to Hey and Tigsy

Bant what's Hungarian for Rules?

My dating news is pretty meh ...
Pawnee has kinda withdrawn due to practical concerns in his life. Not insurmountable in my view, but he clearly thinks so, whilst wanting to keep in touch Trouble is that I like him, think he could be genuine but don't want to waste time if he's messing with me. I did ask, he says he isn't and sounds truthful ... but who knows. On the basis of its all BS till it isn't, I'm continuing with other prospects. Can't say any are setting any parts of me a-flutter atm ...

Szabalyok..

not the easiest language.

So my dating situation - the CheshireCat may be interested, we've kind of got a tentative date planned for next Tuesday. Translator may also be interested but is too busy with her new job to go out in the evenings. She did dump the Dane a couple of days after meeting me, but that may be completely unrelated.
I'm trying not to look at the Sweet Trolley, but haven't contacted anyone online in about a month or so, it's tempting, there are some interesting people there. And I haven't even had more than a cheek kiss from the two Hungarian women, so I think exclusivity is a bit of a way off..

Think I'll see if I can get a date for this weekend. Otherwise I'll be bored.

Absolutely brilliant point there from Joyless about C being a turning point after you changed your criteria Velvet. Really try and take the positives from that (((squeeeeeze))).

Might have a date next week. he's 2-3 years younger than me though.

Tell all, A1980

Met online. He sent me some very sweet messages and asked me straight out. his profile looks very nice. he's not bad looking either.

I got horribly dumped in January so I'm nervous.

Dutch has got his chopper out, hip hip hip hooray. Dutch has got his chopper out and he's

making wood for the bbq. No I haven't had a drink yet

Really pleased to hear the good news from Tigsy and Hey. I think eyes wide open is the best way to proceed (for all of us, not just you two)!

Well, the man from last weekend was after coming round to mine tonight but I have put him off as we'd arranged to meet up and go out tomorrow. The problem is I think he is far too focussed on sex - I like sex (and sex with him - it's good), but there needs to be a balance with other stuff too - so I'm going to have a bit of a conversation with him, or maybe just see how things go, but I'm more than half anticipating that this will be coming to an end if he doesn't want more than a shag every weekend.

OWW I dunno about the talk to be honest. Yes, obviously you want it to go somewhere and not just be a booty call, but unless you phrase it carefully it may come across as a 'where is this going' conversation really quite early on.

Instead of saying that how about you suggest doing something a bit more cerebral or bf/gf like, a museum or cinema or something, and subtly make it clear there won't be any opportunity for sex. That way you get to see if he wants you for your mind or your body without coming across as someone looking for a husband.

I know you're diplomatic, but you can find out the same stuff without having a conversation which can itself put pressure on a relationship and cause problems early on.

And 1980 - 2 or 3 years isn't huge. Make sure we get a loo update and remember the Rules OD advice

Joy I know what you're saying and that it probably seems I am being negative and defeatist, but I did try again though, I really did. When I thought all was lost with C in December, I bunged up another profile. And attracted the same men as ever, who saw me only as one off sex.

If I met men I didn't fancy, I'd keep going. I'd think somewhere there must be an attractive one. But that's not it. I meet men I fancy, and who fancy me all the time, they just don't want more than a ONS.

I'd like to think none of these men wanted relationships (I know lots of men don't who OD, it's just a thing to do, they just like the odd date here and there and that's it). That would make it easier. But lots of them do now have gfs. Just like men I meet in RL.

But none of them want me.

And I just don't understand why.

Velvet - PM me your profile details again, and I'll look at it from the perspective of a bloke looking for a quickie and see if I can suggest changes

velvet the one thing I don't think you're being is negative and defeatist. What I do think is that you sound defeated and its hardly surprising. OD is hard work. It can knock your confidence, it can make you question your very soul.

I do remember you giving it another go - was that the profile that was written for you or a different one? I'd be happy to give feedback on it whichever it is, but only if you feel it would be useful.

The things that makes me not just want to hug you but also to try and reach you is that I could write those words you've written. Oh yes - I have wondered why men only what to shag me? Although in my case you can add: except for the broken birds who fly off when I put them back together? I have been left utterly broken, totally bereft and have sobbed till exhaustion. I have also felt loved, desired and special - but, like you & C - not nearly enough ... but that's why I keep at it.

My secret weapon is a very special group of friends who are single and dating (on & off). It helps, because they know, they understand and probably most important of all, they are there to do things with. So I have a great social life and I fit in OD when I feel like it. The older I get (I'm 56), the more important "finding someone" feels but one thing this thread has taught me is to value myself and to make sure that someone is special and not just anyone. You are one of those people who taught me that valuable lesson, so I'd do anything I could to help you find your sparkle again.

Bant oh you cosmopolitan city dweller you! Museum?? Cinema??? Erm, not round here on a Saturday night!

I do take your point though and won't go blundering in with a heavy conversation about his intentions. In fact I'm thinking it will all become clear during the evening without saying anything at all. The sexual interest has to be there but so does the interest in me as a person so if he shows that, great, and if not I will say at the end of the night that I think we're looking for different things.

velvet love. It's because you look like a young jackie Collins, so generic blokey-blokes think 'rarrrrr!' & then you turn out to be incredibly smart and accomplished and they can't cope with that, because they're scared of intelligence in a woman that rocks the cleavage/hair/eyelashes combo.

It takes a very special, intelligent bloke to deal with what might be perceived as emasculating. More fool them for missing out...and I know you really like him and he's broken your 2nd date cherry, but C is an arse.

You're lovely and intelligent, you have a huge heart and a wild romantic soul. It's fucking awful, so have a rest and a recalibrate but don't dumb yourself down (ha! as if) because I am going to dance at your wedding one day...and I don't hang out with bimbos.

(I do)

Bant I am new to this thread. What OD advice?