Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

[lubeytoobooby]

Woop! Lubes is BACK :o

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

I did call him last night, I just needed to understand, it doesn't really make sense as things are so good between us. The argument came about because I am so stressed with all the other stuff, I got upset and he wasn't very comforting, he's a bit rabbit in headlights with tears, he thought I was having a go at him for not being appropriately sympathetic and not saying the right thing and it ended up being a night of not talking, me not accepting his attempt to apologise in the morning and him storming off. He thinks that this sort of thing happens too often and that he can't be the person I want him to be. nothing really sorted, he is coming over after work tonight but not sure what that really means. I did tell him he was a coward for running off and not telling me how he felt to my face. feel shit, tired and sick and it's not even a hangover!

Onwards and upwards as they say ....

All you can do is talk to him, Tigsy, and try to clear up any misunderstanding (same one's for you, too, Hey), but until then, use the time to think about what you want. Is he the man you want him to be? Do you want him o be something different?

Good luck o both of you.

*to

Can't add anything to what Flipper said, you two look after yourselves.

Hello everyone, have a good day

Hey - I would be really wary about this. Having been in a relationship a bit like this last year, which did me no good at all, I'd be very wary about this blowing hot and cold and saying that kind of thing to you. Hurtful and unnecessary. I think/hope if it were me, I'd leave it, as it's not going to get better and once people get away with this sort of thing once, they think they can get away with it again. I am determined never again to settle for the crumbs off anyone's table - it's the whole loaf or nothing.

Tigsy hope you can work something out but please bear in mind what Flipper said and think if he's the person that you want/need. Difficult to do sometimes in the panic of a relationship potentially finishing, but it's better to try and think about things clearly and decide whether you want to continue in light of what's happened. I know he's been very good and reassuring in the past with you so maybe this is just a blip?

Hugs to Tigsy and Hey. Hope things for both of you turn out in whatever way suits you.

Bon voyage Juliette

Bant maybe Cheshire has just met a few too many of the type of ODers we've had in here recently and is therefore wary. She sounds definitely worth persevering with.

I've slipped back today, feeling a all woe-is-me. Not for Bubbles per se, he's just another piece of the pattern of my life: intelligent, witty men just don't want me. I make a good (or not) plaything for a while, but only ever a stop gap.

Bubbles and le disparu are cases in point, but there must have been another half a dozen others on the sites who I seemed to have a good, grown-up rapport with who didn't even make it to the date stage.

I have always been able to find and keep - but why? - men who have no further thought than their belly, their pints and the TV/music, and of course, their cocks.

Not sure where this is going, really but it all just seems a waste of time and hope.

Good friends and laughs is where its at ladies. Oh and just use the blokes for fun texting....much better. SS lovely girl...this feeling will pass I promise am so annoyed that fucker has got under your skin, though! And Tigsy...i dont know what to say...really....what the heck has got into him???

SS, tigsy and hey sending you hugs

bant I wouldn't be put off .. Have you arranged a 2nd date

Juliette have a fantastic time

Hi to everyone else .. Got drink with TheBoy tomorrow .. He said I can ID him after the barman does

totally agree Ike, guys are just playthings,aint no point expecting any kind of rational grown up connection

Service - sorry you're feeling woeish.

CheshireCat I met in RL, she's never done OD I think - but you still get the same problems with people you meet in the real world, it's just less intense compared to OD I think.

The more I'm going back over what she said last night, the more I think she's maybe not into me. There was eye contact and stuff, like I said, which was positive, but I mentioned seeing her again and she said she'd seen I was going to the next Expat thing, next week, and she'd be there. It was when I said I'd like to see her before then she was noncommittal.

So, is she pushing me towards the friend zone (I'd love to see you again, but not as a date) or is she being a little coy, or.... ?

It's all very nice dating a Hungarian, except I don't know the 'rules' here. British, American, French women are all a bit more upfront and generally let me know if they're into me or not - verbally or with body language. I can understand and accept if she's not into me - but trying to work it out is just doing my head in.

I'll ask her out for the beginning of next week, see what she says.

If 'no', then I'll see her and chat to her at the next Expat thing, flirt a bit with someone else and see if that makes her jealous enough to get possessive. That's probably the best way to work it out.

mercury and ike I am with you but maybe we're just cynical ??

Bant - not sure about the flirting thing - if I was a little ambivalent about a man who I thought liked me and I might potentially like him, and then I saw him flirting with someone else I would think he was a player and steer well clear. Wouldn't show any jealousy but would retreat with dented confidence and leave him a clear field to pursue the other person.

Ike, Mercury, Kirsty I hope you're wrong! No evidence to the contrary, but I hope you are!

Bant, this is horribly cynical of me but I think she is trying to draw you out so as to see whats in it for her (?)

Maybe you're right, OWW but the problem is it's difficult to tell whether someone is acting disinterested as part of some Rules-type approach to dating, or is genuinely disinterested.

If they're actually not interested and just want to be friends, then it's a waste of time pursuing them. And to be honest, I probably have enough friends to be going along with, without adding a new one I'll just pine after.

If they're interested but are playing a game, it annoys me, and how long do I have to get dangled on a string? Do I really want to start off a relationship based on emotional manipulation?

If they're interested and are willing to just be honest about it, then we both win.

Mercury - I don't quite get what you mean - do you mean she wants to just be wined and dined in expensive restaurants and will flirt with me to get that? To be honest I have that concern with any Hungarian woman because they generally earn about a fifth of what a Brit earns. The average doctor over here takes home ten grand a year. So it's always in the back of my head. CheshireCat said she wants to move to another country to earn more money - she was quite plain about that. So am I a means to an end for her?

It's all a bit irritating trying to work out whether there is a hidden agenda.

iirc Cheshire Cat is the woman with 'model looks' who you consider to be 'out of your league'?
and compared to her you're rather wealthy?
Dinner buys you a kiss on the cheek...I'd say you're supposed to be wondering what the price of a snog is

"So Debbie, what first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?"

I think British women quite like a man who's financially stable so won't be asking to borrow a fiver all the time, but while my income is modest in UK terms, it's silly over here - am I just going to meet women who are more interested in my wallet and the opportunity to maybe move to another country? I don't think all - or even many - hungarian women are looking for a meal ticket, but probably a lot more than in the UK.

I like to buy meals on a first date, even second or third date. I have more disposable income, fine. But where's the line between wanting to show a woman I can provide (however ridiculously old fashioned that is) and 'paying for a kiss'? I really feel uncomfortable with that..

Ah - just got a reply back from Cheshire. I'd said I enjoyed talking to her last night and would like to take her out again - she said 'I also enjoyed it and I hope we'll meet soon'

.. thoughts on that? Should I suggest a specific day?

Yes! Suggest a day or ask when she is free

Ask her when she's free, Bant, that all sounds good. Am picturing you with your magic wand . . .

This might be shallow, but I wouldn't want to go out with someone who earned a lot less than I do (not that I earn a lot). If it was someone who could never afford to go out or put petrol in the car or worse still tried to borrow money, I'd hate that.

tigsy and hey so sorry that it's been very difficult for you over the last couple of days. been thinking about you. Nothing to add to the very good advice other above, other than to let you know you will be fine.

bant it's really not meant to be this much work i think. Don't put yourself in the position of having a friend that you pine over; trust me. that way lies madness. that said, she might have single friends.... i think you dont want to put yourself in the dangling position either. that just sounds uncomfortable. You've been doing the manly, pursuit thing.... I'd advise back-off a bit, go to the ex pat night, certainly talk to other people and a little bit of very mild flirting? sure why not - as long as you don't actually have your tongue down anyone elses throat, I don't personally see a problem...

DS1 got a DLA award. this is immense! changes everything, we can go swimming and stuff!

oh, cross posted with bant while i was typing... :) good. all is progressing!

I cant see that it is shallow...it's pretty obvious that a large income discrepancy can make things very awkward in lots of ways

fantastic news on the DLA award Snape

okay I suggested the weekend, she's busy (away with family) - and the following weekend. And the one after. This was becoming an obvious theme so I suggested a weeknight instead and it seems we're set for next Tuesday. And next wednesday at the expat thing but we'll both have friends there then so it's not a date as such.

She hasn't said 'yes' to tuesday yet though. we appear to be asking each other directions to the library in french for some reason.

Excellent news Snape!

We are back together much excellent talking, opening up, explaining of doubts, snogging and gazing into each others eyes.

God I am delirious with happiness

Thanks so much threadees, I bloody love you all

Bant you are in a tricky sitch, but I would give it one more date. Maybe time to put yourself forward a bit on date num 3 wrt snogging!

Fab news re DLA Snape Hmmm, it's all sounding a bit like hard work from your last post Bant?