Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

[lubeytoobooby]

Woop! Lubes is BACK :o

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

it's shit! I thought it was okay, but obviously not, one argument doesn't make you want to cancel all your future plans ........ cold feet, but his timing is a nightmare! just want to cry lots and not see anyone, but tomorrow got to plaster on a smile for day 4 of my new job, oh and find somewhere to live. He couldn't even have the guts to speak to me face to face, he just didn't turn up here and it was a telephone call. coward!

Bloody hell Tigsy that is a carbon copy of the chicken shit stuff I had with LM at the end, not turning up and then a cowardly phone call. It helped, later, to realise how pathetic and yellow he was.

So sorry this had happened. And very difficult with the new job too. Will you have time in your lunch hour to set up some appointments with letting agents? Sorting out the practicalities will be hard but it will give you a focus and you'll feel so much better once it's done.

Just concentrate on what you've got to do to get through the next few awful days. Please get as much help as you can from the people around you, think about telling your boss what's happened so s/he will understand if you are a little distracted, and don't expect too much from yourself. So very sorry.

Well that's really rather pathetic of him then Tigsy. It's very hard to say anything comforting I know, because nothing really helps ease the shock and the pain but we all understand.

Have been unable to post due to evil git STBXH cancelling broadband. Am now on line via iPhone link via personal hotspot.
Re my previous meltdown, where one inner 15 year old emerged: complete nonsense - moral of story - IGNORE INNER 15 YEAR OLD!!
Meet Up guy took me out night bird watching ( listening, actually) - totally romantic - listening all alone in silence while western skies go pink & then black - much kissing!
Thank you KN for words of wisdom - his XP totally not a threat, but whose to know early on in a relationship? We are now in a blissed out endorphin/oxytocin induced state of euphoria. Both agree this is the best sex either of us have had for years! Who would have thunk STBXH arsiness would have lead to this. Have I/we found soulmates? Watch this space...

I've got a wardrobe of his clothes, his shoes, his toiletries, bike stuff the lot all around my house ...... and a holiday booked in August that I have just paid the balance for (oh the irony, with money from the sale of my old wedding ring)

Trying not to cry as puffy face at work will not be a good look, but the tears keep welling up, my mum and dad go on holiday tomorrow too, just seems everything has fallen apart in a matter of hours.

I want to phone him, but if he wanted to speak to me, he would call, wouldn't he?

Try not to call tonight, give yourself a bit of time and space to process things and let them settle. He'll need to get in touch at some point - take your time to think through what you want to do and don't be afraid to put him off until another time if you're not ready to talk.

Have a good cry, holding it in will just make it feel worse.

Have you told your parents?

Tigsy, love, I don't know what to say. It's shitty. I guess that yes, if he wanted to speak to you he'd call, but it's hard to say without knowing exactly how your last conversation went. You're right though, reading your post what struck me is that you don't throw a relationship way because of a single row, especially at a time when everyone's stressed anyway.

Where's Bant's loo update?

Oh Tigsty What a shock. I am so very sorry. Life can be fucking shite!

Personally I wouldn't call tonight. Although sitting on your hands is never easy.

Tigsy, no don't call. Do you think doing the big draft email trick might help ? Writing everything down, letting it all spew out, saying things that you would only admit to yourself but not sending it. This is what I did, and still do, it saves me contacting him and the rejection feeling even more acute.

Hi all. Belated loo update, actually on a sofa in a ruin pub. Date finished an hour or so ago.

Firstly, sorry tigsy, I can't add anything better than oww did above. And continued hugs to hey. And I'm so pleased my DC don't ask for the moshi monsters song or the femmes. Getting them addicted to smashing Pumpkins already caused a ruction with the ex.

So. CheshireCat is lovely, sweet, clever and very attractive. 2 hours chat over dinner (she was late but texted), I made her laugh a bit and she did likewise. Walked her home, was looking for an opportunity to link arms or something but none. Went for a kiss and she deftly (as last time) turned it to a cheek kiss.

I'm confused. Lots of eye contact, a bit of mutual soul-baring (tho not too much) and she was making positive noises but non committal about another date.

She seems to like me. I'd like her to. I quite like her.

Guess ill find out more later

Sending you hugs Tigsy, I really feel for you and what bloody awful timing re your new job. Is it possible to talk to your new boss do you think?

Sounds quite good Bant, could the kissing thing be cultural? there was no kissing on my date 2 with MrA but by date 4 it was a weekend thing.

Talking of which, have just had a text about returning something to me. I then replied at how sad I was to have been dumped, and he has replied saying that he didn't dump me, but was just expressing that his feelings had changed, but not that he didn't want to stop seeing me. OMFG.

What do I do with this now? Because no doubt he will be damn sure wanting to dump me now. God I have utterly fucked it all up and just feel so sick :(

Tigsy no I wouldn't call. He has to call at some point about his stuff and meanwhile every hour that goes by without him calling, knowing you are up the creek without a paddle now, puts him in a worse light for doing it all like this.

Was the new house somewhere you were buying together? I can't remember if you'd exchanged contracts already on your place. If you haven't, you can still pull out without any penalties - I had to do this once on the day the exchange was going to happen, there is still time if you want to stay. My heart goes out to you.

Bant maybe she's doing the euro out to dinner and no assumptions thing where it often ends in the cheek kiss until some moment where she jumps makes a move on you? Either way, she sounds like good company so lots of possibilities.

Hey wtaf? what are you supposed to do with that information. He gave every indication of dumping, isn't in touch, texts about stuff being returned and now denies it? You haven't fucked anything up at all, this is him being, I don't know, whatever. I'm all for being straight with people but there is a point when 'honesty' is so selfish its abusive. Could you simply ask him exactly what he meant? Unless it is what you want, you don't have to accept it all on his terms.

Hey

You did NOT fuck this up. He did. There may be a way he can crawl back from the things he said, but you should tell him what he said, how you (obviously) took it and not accept the gaslighting

Well, he had sent me the dipping feelings text as a response to my text asking him whether he was backing off, which i read as 'you are dumped', so i replied 'ok. good luck with the future'. So maybe he read that as 'you are dumped'. Fuck me. I don't know what the fuck to make of any of it.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK.

So either things are about to go a very happy way, or a very shit way. Or far more likely, a tentatively being dangled on a string way with outbursts of anxious happiness, followed by lots more hurt. SCREAM!

Hey so he thinks he can say stuff like that without any consequences, or he is thoughtless, or so wrapped up in himself that he is now 'surprised'. Clearly you can't be dangling, I would get this cleared up one way or another but decide what YOU want, because his crumbs would not be good enough, would they.

Tigsy that's awful I'm sorry. I agree with Kin's email suggestion, I always write out what it is I want to say, helps me get it all off my chest and onto paper, and to focus my thoughts a bit, there's something cathartic about it.

I do think, sorry, that if he could end it over an email then either he's not the person you thought he was and would have overreacted like this at some point eventually, or that he had actually made his mind up to end it already (for whatever stupid reason) and this row has just become an excuse to hide behind. There is a further possibility, which is that he's just overwhelmed with the moving in together stuff and that he still does want to be with you. But for me, unless he came to me of his own volition saying that, apologising for the hurt he's caused, and being quite clear he would and could never do it again, I don't know if I could forgive and go back to how things were. I think once someone behaves like this, and finishes things almost on a whim, it's incredibly hurtful and very difficult to get over. Will be thinking of you.

And just to endorse what Juliette says (with my lawyers hat on) pull out of the sale if need be, and if it's not past exchange, even if just to give you some breathing space and you put it back up for sale in a couple of months.

Hey . see, this is what I hate about texts, the potential for misunderstanding. So, when he said before (I'm probably paraphrasing) his feelings had changed, and he was sorry to hurt you, that he didn't mean 'I'm finishing it, sorry cos I know you will be upset' but more that his feelings were changing (deepening?) and he was sorry if you were upset by what you might have perceived as him backing off but wasn't?

Can you meet with him for a drink and discuss it? It does sound like possibly just a horrible misunderstanding. But I would be wary that he did initially mean it as it sounded, and he's now backtracking, but that's me being cynical (I am in that sort of mood, was actually half-hoping earlier C would text me and end it - I don't want him to, but I am fed up with the limbo, and in some ways would like to be put out of my misery. But I won't end it myself because I still like him lots, I just don't think he likes me...meh)

Velvet he did mean that his feelings were lessening, but more along the lines of 'yes, i am backing off a bit as i've been having a big wobble over the last few days, so i'm sorry to be hurting you by saying this'. i thought he meant 'sorry to be hurting you because this means I'm dumping you, you cah'. He is coming over tomorrow to discuss! But clearly he may just be coming to say, 'yes my feelings for you are less, what can we do about that' which is hardly ideal. I don't want to be left in a 'begging for scraps scenario. I keep having mad leaps of hope, but then, because of our twin like cynicism, am just thinking this is just a new way for the universe to kick me in the stomach.

I so understand every bit of how you feel about C (sorry that sounds really presumptuous) and am sorry life is so bastard difficult x

Hi. Things are turning to shit aren't they?

Bloody hell Tigs You deserved better than that, and I thought he was better than that.

I am so fed up with (some) people's hot again/cold again shit. We all are terrified, we all don't want to mess up, but when you find someone you find attractive, have stuff in common with, and could see a future with, you need to man (woman) the fuck up and get on enjoy it.

Why is it so hard?

It's not been great in the world of WFF, I have decided to downgrade Lab from exclusive to just someone I am seeing due to his lack of consistent contact. To be fair, he has had issues, but I irrespective of that, something has changed qualitatively. He is still very lovely, but I don't see the point in being exclusive if I am not seeing him/in contact with him enough to make it feel worth my while. It may change when/if he gets a job in my town, but until then I do as I please.

Bit of a rant but honestly, I am actually on behalf of my OD family and the rubbish going ons.

Jules please carry the baton for OD thread, have a great time, give Dutchy as many kisses as you can manage

Hey I think all you can do is wait and see what he says, for me it helps (but is also a bit upsetting) to kind of rehearse the different scenarios in my head, so I can think about what I want to say, and also how I'd feel in each, and what might happen...I hope whatever happens tomorrow the outcome is good for you, regardless of what anyone else (including your personality twin!) might do or think.

I'm being a bit huffy and silly about C for a stupid reason, namely that I got a really good offer for something to do on Friday, but I don't know if I'm seeing him then, I'd text him before I saw it, don't want to text him again and suggest it because then I will be treble-texting. But for stupid offer I wouldn't be bothered that I'd not heard back, but now I'm feeling all peevish. I annoy myself sometimes!

As I am not feeling the WFF I have name changed.

Velvet how about you go ahead and do the good offer and if he gets back to you can tell him you made other arrangements. Otherwise you be sitting about being all available and missing an interesting evening.
elsewhere.

Juliette it's only an afternoon tea thing, I've been before with friends but I thought it'd be nice to do with him. Obvs it would be dependent on him being able to duck out early on Fri anyway. Just me and one of my silly pie in the sky romantic ideas!

And shouldn't you be in bed now getting some sleep in before your travels? :)