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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please remind me again how bad this is

63 replies

spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 12:51

Posted about my boyfriend several times and received loads of excellent advice. i have only seen him once in 2 months because he just turned up. Every few weeks he becomes verbally abusive by text calling me a whore etc for having stayed in a past abusive relationship. he says i must have stayed for the lifestyle. Also he has said i don't deserve any sympathy because "if you breed with assholes shit happens. He has dumped me 5 times in a year but if i bring that up he points out he has proposed marriage so many more times. I am looking for the strength to say it must be over. because i haven't seen him in a while i am only thinking of the good times. He wants to see me this weekend and stupidly i really want so see him but haven't responded yet. Strength please. .

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 23/05/2013 12:54

Do not engage with him.

Ignore the text and delete his number.

He treats you dreadfully, don't be his doormat.

Wolfiefan · 23/05/2013 12:56

Past abusive relationship? You are still in one. Do not reply but do seek help. You deserve much better than this.

Lovingfreedom · 23/05/2013 12:57

Don't reply to him. He's horrible. The 'good times' are not worth this crap.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/05/2013 12:57

Ditto. He sounds like an appalling bully and if he's this abusive now, where is it going to end up! Tell him this weekend is a NO and so is every other weekend from now on. Find the courage from somewhere, get a friend to help you and make plans to be with people who actually like you this weekend.... not this offensive bellend.

Hashtagwhatever · 23/05/2013 12:58

Change your number?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/05/2013 12:59

"He has dumped me 5 times in a year but if i bring that up he points out he has proposed marriage so many more times"

Your mistake is to engage in an argument about why he's dumped because he seems to have an answer for everything. Remind yourself that 'no' is a complete sentence.... say it once to him, mean it, and then ignore him afterwards.

foolonthehill · 23/05/2013 13:03

'no' is a complete sentence...this

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 13:10

I am going to copy and paste a couple of texts from last time i refused to see him. .
You could of fixed this. Not me. I fucking offered to marry you. You turned me down. The past wouldn't of been a problem but you wouldn't make a future. So sorry you are a liar. Cos if ment half what you said you would have a ring on your finger and would respect that youve made things difficult

OP posts:
Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 13:11

and this is another

Im going to disappear off the face of the planet. Im going to make sure you never know if im alive or dead. Fucking yet again I gave you everything I had. And you do this cos you dont like the fact how complicated you've made things due to your fucking relationships.

OP posts:
Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 13:13

it's lovely when people "offer " to marry one bother.

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 23/05/2013 13:16

Shock except actually we knew this would be the sort of thing!

If you have been in abusive relationships before and you are still tempted to let this excuse for a BF back you seriously need to do some work on yourself and what proper relationships look like.

don;t suppose he actually means this "Im going to disappear off the face of the planet. Im going to make sure you never know if im alive or dead"...would be too good to be true!!

you really, really need never to talk to or see this man again. He is no good for your soul and no good for your self esteem, and no good for you.

I am guessing from your first post that you have child/children....they do NOT need someone like this in their lives. If you can;t keep away for yourself then keep away for your DC

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 13:16

one another. .

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 23/05/2013 13:17

being by yourself is better than this,

and being by yourself also leaves you open to meeting NICE people.

hettie · 23/05/2013 13:25

Are there any local support services near you that you could speak to... cal womens aid or your local Relate....other posters are right, but it would be good to get some RL support to help you be strong and assertive and get rid of this abusive man...

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 13:30

sorry. . my phone keep freezing and going crazy

OP posts:
Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 13:31

No RL support. . used up escaping previous twunt

OP posts:
Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 13:34

He might just go away if i tell him straight enough

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 23/05/2013 13:39

tell him and then get very busy.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 23/05/2013 13:39

He sounds like an absolute dick. Block him on your mobile and don't answer the door to him.

Let him disappear off the planet.

Can't even imagine why you would be tempted to see him.

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 13:52

because like another thread says. . when he's nice he's lovely

OP posts:
vintagecakeisstillnice · 23/05/2013 13:53

re-read the messages and notice how often he puts everything on YOU.
You turned me down
You wanted this
You are a liar
You've made things difficult
You do this

So he's Mr Perfect is he?
Never does anything wrong?

He is telling you in those 2 text alone that he will never accept that anything he does is wrong and everything you do and will ever do will in his eye be wrong, even when they're not.

Stop answering, stop responding, go have the happy life that YOU deserve without this odious bully

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/05/2013 13:56

You don't even need to tell him to go away because that'll start another 'conversation' opportunity for him to send text abuse. Ignore him and his silly threats and bizarre insults. He's obviously a very bitter, very small, inadequate man and there's a rock somewhere that he will crawl right back under....

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 23/05/2013 14:02

If ever you start to think of him as nice, re-read the texts you have stored on your phone.

CorrStagnitto · 23/05/2013 14:05

This is NOT a nice man, he does not want to marry you either he wants to control you, get rid of this abusive idiot pronto, no man is worth that shit, you are putting up with that crap for what? a few stolen moments of niceness when he is not being emotionally abusive!

Lovingfreedom · 23/05/2013 15:17

'I'm going to disappear off the face of the planet' ....and that's a threat? what a complete self-important twat this guy is. I hope one day you will see how downright pathetic he is OP. I do know it's hard when you're in the middle of it. Good luck.