Fresh Start, no more losers.

[LoserNoMore]

Just thought I'd start a new thread, general chit chat, moaning, skipping etc before I go to work and incase the other one fills up.

Fs, makes no sense. I'm deadly serious, I don't want to be here. I don't want any fuss, I don't think it matters in. The grand scheme if things it's over in every sense

Skip. Skip. Tomorrow. xxx

LNM, I've lurked on your threads, but never had anything contructive to say before but I think like everyone here now, I'm worried about you. I'm in Glasgow, I have a car, if you need help or company, PM me. Search my userame if you want to see if I'm a regular, but if you want or need company, please PM me. You need to just go to bed, and sleep this off. Things look bleak, but it will not be as bad tomorrow.

It will
Look as bad tomorrow. It'll never loon better but thank you buncha.

Thing is LNM, it isn't just about what you want is it? You're a single mother now, with responsibilities, and you don't just get to leave your beautiful girls with no mum because things got really fucking hard for a while. You'll end your pain sure, but you'll leave a lifetime of pain behind for them. Come on, you can do this. No one ever promised you this would be easy. But you can come through this and smile again.

Delurking.

It's true that the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

Really, truly true.

Hang in there

Xx

I just can't see it. I know I'm probably coming across as selfish nutbim really not. I'm a string personnel, been down every avenue I honestly have. No one cares Honrsstly

Bloody hell, excuse the typos. I'm not drunk. Seriously not. I'm deadly serious.

LNM your world has been ripped from under you but from what I've read of you on here, you are a strong capable person. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't collapse under the weight of all the shit you've had thrown at you, and it seems like it just keeps on coming. But believe me, your girls are worth all the heartache. Ill bet you have funny, stubborn, loving, opinionated girls. All blooming under your care despite the crap your ex has put on you and them. You cannot measure just how important you are to them.

Please, just get a drink of water, have a pee and go to bed. Your mind is whirring and dragging you into a negative cycle that won't lead you anywhere good. Get some sleep and even if it won't get better tomorrow it will someday soon.

Seriously, if you need a shoulder to cry on, you could do worse than a total stranger on 't'net. I'm not too weird honest .

The offer is there if you need it. Or just go to bed. Nothing good lurks at the bottom of that bottle.

Hi LNM, I've followed your posts from the beginning. You ARE AMAZING,LOVING,KIND and SOUND LIKE A BLOODY WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING!

The world needs people like you! I feel like you are my sister or good friend, and I have been checking your threads daily since the beginning. You have had such a profound effect on me, and I'm a stranger.

I have to say, my mum took an overdose when I was about 3. She was really unhappy, but fortunately was found and was saved from herself. That has really and truly messed me up. It is something that I live with everyday. I even remember snippets of it and it makes me cold everytime I think about it. My mum is still here, thank god, and I am so glad o be able to hug her.

Your DD's do need you. If you did anything to yourself, they would blame themselves, and the car wreck of your relationship will continue into their lives if you do what you seem to be suggesting. They will blame themselves, and it will ruin their lives.

Please ask bunch to come and keep you company and please please don't do anything to harm yourself.

Xxxx

Im sorry you're feeling like this - so sorry. Can you put it on the back-burner till the morning? It's been a shitty day for you. Just shelve it, go to bed. See how it looks tomorrow.

Another admirer of yours coming out of lurkerdom to say you will get through it. You've hit a brick wall and it's one you can't climb over - you have to find a way to plough through it brick by brick. You will get to the other side though.

You say you're a strong person - we can all see that on here. Thing is though, you may be coming across as too strong in real life. Are you telling anyone that you can't cope?

People will want to help if you let them know how you're feeling. People in real life probably see you as coping and dealing with it and offering "support" might not be welcomed or you'd be offended possibly? Let rl people know how you feel. Or maybe some of the MNs who are near you? xx

Another person de-lurking to say I've followed you from the start, its like a daily routine now to check in and see how you are all doing. (Although I've lost track of LittleEsme since she had her scare - hope she is ok). You are truly amazing, and "listening to you all share parts of your life and give each other support" makes such a difference to my day. You are a lot of things to a lot of people - even people that you don't know.

I'm sincerely hoping that this is the drink speaking, and you will be off to sleep/passing out soon only to return a little bit sheepish/embarassed tomorrow where you say sorry for scaring the hell out of us all. (And you are, because regardless of what you may think, we all do care about you - we can't help it - you are amazing, and you've let us into your life and now you are stuck with us all - the vocal and lurkers alike).

But just in case, there is more going on and it's not just the drink talking...

You are and always will be the world to your children. It is not about them being the world to you. That is what you are to them. The world, the universe, the multi-universes and everything in them.

No matter how crap you think you might be for them, or whatever it is you are telling yourself right now - you will always be their world, their piece of safety and security in this world. A world that has changed so much for them too - so the safety net is more important than ever - and there is no one, anywhere, that can replace you or give it to them in the unconditional way that you do - no one. Would you really ever chose to take that away from them? It would shape their future and their relationships with everyone they let into their lives from that day forward. Really in the grand scheme of things - is there anything more important than that safety they feel knowing you are there and you love them and that you are their world?

It is hard to start again, having to be strong for your children when your world feels like it has collapsed, but as many others have promised...it will get better. No you can't see it yet - because the hole that life has thrown you in is in the dark right now. (Whenever I've felt the way that I suspect you feel, i always imagine its like I'm in a really deep hole that I have to dig myself out of, and at/near the bottom it is just to dark to see the light. Eventually you climb out, sometimes you can find a ledge to rest on, and sometimes you exist rather than live, but eventually you see the light again) Yes - its a bloody fight and you are going to have crap days and weeks. But then the days will start feeling lighter, you'll find days where you don't have to fight so hard just to get through the day. You'll get through it and little by little, you'll find yourself again. You'll find a new way of life - sure it's not the old, but there will be new routines, new family, and new friends and before you know it you will feel like you again. Your life will get there - you just have to give yourself time and don't beat yourself up too much.

LNM you would have to be superhuman to withstand your ex dumping on you, your work being shit, being solely responsible for 3 gorgeous girls, your back giving out and your ex's family letting you down like this. It's too much for even someone as strong as you. You need to reach out for the help you need to get you through. But tonight you need to just get to bed and sleep. If you need help with that, PM me if you want. If you'd rather not, please just get yourself to bed and then get help tomorrow. Phone the Samaritans. Speak to someone. Don't let this cloud you are under overwhelm you.

No one will ever understand. Ever. I know so many people have been through what I have. I totally understand that and respect it, I really do. I don't think I'm capable if dealing with it, I really don't. Infact there is no think about it, I can't. I'm getting nowhere, no fault of anyone, just me.

LNM it is normal for you to not cope in these circumstances. Absolutely normal. That's why you need to reach out for help. Please, if you don't want company or don't feel like speaking to someone in person or on the phone tonight, go to bed and then reach out for that help tomorrow. I'm working but finish at 6.45pm. If you want a weird MN to hold your hand tomorrow, just PM me.

Sweetheart, get some sleep. You need to let your mind rest a bit and try and get help tomorrow if you don't want it tonight.

Good night LNM, I'm going to bed and agree with bunch you need to try to rest your mind and look at things in the morning.

There's a whole bunch of MNs that have seriously fallen in love with you and your strong attitude. But hey, you're not a superhero! You're falling down a bit and people will want to help support you until you're ready to stand up again. Let people do that for you - you really do deserve it.x

Italwayspours and bunch. Thank you. I have read your post and appreciate them a lot. Thank you.

At this moment nothing will change my mind, it's made up. My parents made the same decision. Maybe it's in my blood to be a hopeless case. I've shown myself to be the hopeless case I am. I have tried to be different and try and show I'm strong but I'm not, I'm ashamed to show it so publlically tbh. I'd cringe tomorrow if I'd read it. I don't want to think of that.

LNM please don't get sucked into this negative cycle. You are not your parents. You are a person who is struggling and need help. You need to get the help you deserve, and you deserve everything they can do for you. Please. Please either PM me or go to bed - let your mind rest and face it tomorrow. I can hold your hand, I can come over and just give you a hug. Please, for your girls, please just let your body and mind get some rest tonight. Or I have wheels, I can travel.

Please LNM don't do anything rash or drastic. Get to bed.

Your parents made the same decision? Can you explain.

Thing about being strong is that no-one is actually strong, really, are they? It's a case of faking it until you believe it and then it becomes a reality.

Everyone's a bag of insecurities and fears (if they're not then they're egocentrics in love with their own image). You're real, you're very normal to feel the way you do. Everyone feels that way.

You say you know lots of people have gone through it - you're right. They way they get through it is by letting someone else HELP them through it. No-one gets through it by themselves darling. You really do need to reach out for help and not feel any less of yourself for being so "normal" as finding the situation you are in tough.

LNM, please listen to bunch and water. They are right.

You are not a hopeless case and you certainly don't have to feel embarrassed about anything.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. My ex cheated on me and at the time I couldn't see a way out. I used to stand at train stations and think how easy it wold be to jump in front of the fast trains just to stop the pain. I am so so glad I didn't. I didn't have children then, but slowly, bit by bit, my heart and head recovered. It was a long journey, but I got there, and so will you. My life now is so much better than it ever was. I also couldn't ask for help, and had to much shame about what had happened to ask for help. I turned to my p and was prescribed something that just eased things a little and helped me focus and be kind to myself. You need to be kind to yourself right now. Please get some rest and please look after yourself.

Xxx

tel:08457 90 90 90

That's for the Samaritans.

I hope you are either sleeping or still reading LNM.

You can email them too

mailto:[email protected]

I'm same as mumat39 and can say I've had the same feelings you're describing LNM. I'm also now on anti-d. Not something I did lightly - when you go to the doctor about it you feel pathetic.

I can now see things clearer. Depression is a massive fog and decisions seem so difficult that it seems easier to opt out.

You need to get sleep and take advice tomorrow. You can't just carry on coping the way you have been - you need to ask for help.

I didn't want to take anti depressants because I thought it didn't make sense in my case. Things really were shit! So how could a tablet change it? They don't. But they lift you out of this massive fog you're in but don't know you're in. Somehow they've really helped me.

When I say feel "pathetic". I don't mean it IS pathetic I mean how depression makes you feel about yourself.

Do ring someone please.