Fresh Start, no more losers.

[LoserNoMore]

Just thought I'd start a new thread, general chit chat, moaning, skipping etc before I go to work and incase the other one fills up.

[mumat39]

(((Water)))
(((Bunch)))
((((((((LNM))))))))

Xxx

[mumat39]

LNM, if this was your best friend going through this, what would you say to her? Or if it was one of you beautiful girls, what would you say to her?

Life can be bloody ridiculously hard. You have done an amazing job of keeping things together for as long as you have. Now you need to call on your friends, or bunch, or JD or anyone else you know and let them take care of you for a while. Don't worry that they might be busy, just call them and ask. I bet they'll be there for you in an instant.

Tonight, Your MN army will hold you tight and keep you safe. Please remember we are all here for you. Xxxx

[bunchamunchycrunchycarrots]

I've checked my PMs and I'm hoping you decided bed was the better option. If you change your mind, ill keep checking every now and then.

Sleep tight LNM. And PM me anytime you think you need a hand held or a hug.

X

[ItAlwaysPours]

Well what can we do to convince you its set on the wrong decision? You are not hopeless, and it is not in your blood.

Don't be ashamed to come here and ask for support on those darker days - that is ultimately what this thread is for. And we know you are strong even if you do not feel it. It is not something you've told us, its something we have seen for ourselves. You have an amazing head on those shoulders and we all can't wait to see the day where you are holding it up high again and finding the fun in life again. Until then, we are here - helping you to hold it together when you feel like you can't.

Honestly as everyone has already said, reach out, whether its on here, samaritans, a friend or by PM, just reach out, admit to someone and yourself out loud, where you are right now.

You are not weak for phoning someone/anyone, or asking for help - ever.

Or phone a friend, your friends would never mind if you called them (even at this time of night), they would want to be there (I know that without question, because I know that if it would help I would gladly PM you my number without question). Whatever is holding you back from reaching out - they won't care - all they will care about is you and being there for you.

[Waterwater]

I'm going to bed too. I just wanted to say that saying things out loud is a very powerful tool. When we say out loud the things that go round in our heads it's the first step to really dealing with them.

What you said about your parents resonated with me. My grandmother had mental health issues (but really she was more a product of her time ie. very bad drugs and very bad advice etc). Also she was very much a product of sweeping things under the carpet. Nowadays, with the internet, we know how many other people feel the way we do and it's not so isolating (it must have been worse years ago).

It was a thought that used to go round my head about my gran and worrying I was going to become like her. I said it out loud one day to a friend and she said "Don't be silly. You're YOU. You're unique. You are not your grandmother. Don't let family history define you." But the most powerful thing was when she said "you're YOU". Such simple words and simple ideas but it blew those cobwebs out and that negative thought circling in my head lost its power.

No path is laid out for you to turn out like anyone in your family. You are YOU and tomorrow you ask for help.

[LoserNoMore]

The worrying thing is I am me. I've said it out loud. Thank you anyway water. O

[ItAlwaysPours]

To someone else other than you?

I can spin myself round in circles with the conversations I have with myself - in my head or out loud. But talking to others....that's something else entirely

[LoserNoMore]

No matter how many times I come to the same Conclusion

[Waterwater]

Yes that's right you don't get off that easy! saying it out loud to yourself won't do at all! Saying it to my friend was the thing that banished my idea that I was destined to turn into my gran.

My friend's reaction - her concern etc. were the thing that shocked me out of the negative cycle of thinking I could only turn out like my gran.

Out loud to someone else. On here's a start though isn't it? I'd say well done really for saying it out loud on here. That's a big step. Tomorrow's another day. It's a day you get to start knowing that you can say you can't cope and people want to help you. A step closer to saying it out loud in real life.

Try and get some sleep.

[LoserNoMore]

To myself and out loud

[LoserNoMore]

No matter the outcome I can't see me back, I know I won't be. I'm not sure how the thread will go. I've chAnged a few details as not to be identified.. I hope no one is upset at that

[Waterwater]

I think you should hang fire on all decisions really, thread included. If it's you don't want some of this evening's posts to stand then contact MNHQ and explain that you'd like a few pulled. Have a think tomorrow eh?

Having several posts pulled out (and responses if you wanted) won't make any difference. It'll be people wanting to know you're ok and chat to you. Offer support if you want them to. But you really have a lovely way about you, you know, and I'd be sorry to see you go from MN.

[ItAlwaysPours]

I think ultimately, you need to do what's right for you....

There would be no reason to hide from anyone on this thread though....think most have been near or close to a dark place and know how dark and alone and lost you can feel when there - and only want to support you when you do feel like that, but also share in the joys when you have the highs (just like friends, but virtual).

Thankfully - in some respects, the thread is near an end anyway - we are not far off 1000, so you can name change and start another thread for support as and when you need it if you really can't face coming back.

Or you can remember that there are many people that care a great deal about you, and will still be here to listen to you no matter what.

[LoserNoMore]

I think I have had all the support I can. No one can help, and I don't mean that in a horrible way. No one can, I've tried to carry on, keep my chin up but there is only so many knocks a person can take.

I appreciate all your posts I really do, but well. Nothing really left to say..

[Waterwater]

Can we speak tomorrow? See how you feel tomorrow. Let us know tomorrow please.

I know you won't like me saying this but your full stop is in the wrong place. "there is only so many knocks a person can take" WITHOUT ASKING FOR HELP. You're asking for help now. You need to accept it. Honestly, you haven't been asking - you've just been trying to cope.

[ItAlwaysPours]

But you have a whole load of untapped support from what you've told us. Friends that you've said you don't want to disturb because they are too busy with their own lives. And us. And you have had heaps thrown at you in a very short space of time...you're world was turned upside down and before you could even find the right way up - you were buffeted left and right.

But I think perhaps you have been clinging to your mask (of just coping/getting on with it) too tightly and now that its slipped and you can't keep your chin up, you think that you are failing somehow. You aren't - this too is sadly normal. The weight of everything that has happened is catching up with you, on top of the fact you are now a single Mum trying to do everything for your girls all the while holding it together so that they don't suffer.

Honestly, you are not failing if the masks slips. It's ok to let things slip for a while - to do the bare minimum, your girls will understand. They won't care, as long as you are there with them. Have pj days, have days where the tv looks after the girls, do whatever you can to make it through.

But more importantly, get some sleep, recharge your batteries and when you wake up in the morning, phone the doctors. If you don't want anti-Ds then at least insist on counselling.

[AndMiffyWentToSleep]

You ARE strong, LMN. But nobody can be strong 100% of the time. Having times when you hit rock bottom is normal and to be expected.
How are you feeling today?

[buildingmycorestrength]

Morning LNM. Hope you slept okay in the end.

Have a morning

[McNamechangey]

Lnm, I gave myself what was described by hcp's as "a classic case of burnout" by trying to cope alone. I soldiered on as work got shutter, XH got worse, life got worse. That was a year and a half ago. And it seems like a different world. Things with XH are still shit, but in every other way I am happy. New job, new life, all of it. Back then I was so stressed I was hallucinating. There was no way out. Advice was "stop beating yourself up, let yourself rest, you need to heal" so I tried it. Day by day it got better. For the past year the sun has been shining again. Time is what is needed, and distance. Please let yourself heal.

At the moment it's like trying to force yourself to walk on a broken leg. You may be able to move a bit, but it bloody hurts and you're not letting the injury heal. You need to rest, you need some help. You need a couple of crutches. Not forever, just while you get better. You'll be running again before you know it. I really hope you're ok this morning. X

[LoserNoMore]

Sorry about spelling, lying on my side using iPhone obviously not one of my best ideas. I had a few drinks but everything I said still stands. Maybe I do need help. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I just can't.

[AndMiffyWentToSleep]

Morning, LNM. Nothing wrong with RL help. Someone with more useful advice should be along soon...

[McNamechangey]

Lnm, nor could I. I couldn't ever see how I could be happy. But I am.

Please see your gp and be completely honest with how your feeling.

The world would be a much poorer place without people like you in it. You are strong and kind and generous. And you've had your world turned upside down through no fault of yours. Give yourself time to adapt to it and heal. You have been hurt in a very real and literal sense. Just because it's not visible, doesn't make it less real. Stop forcing yourself to be better. Give yourself time and ask for help x

[JaxTellerIsAllMine]

hi lnm - come on lovely, you need help, from us, in RL. Nobody can do this by themselves. And asking for help means that you recognise how you feel.

Im so worried about you. Im home all day today and will keep my phone with me.

[Waterwater]

Morning LNM. Perhaps you could speak to your gp today? When you are in the fog you really don't know about it other than not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's only in hindsight you realise fog was impossible to navigate and how lost you felt. You're beginning to recognise that' so it is the start of a new phase for you.

[ChipsNEggs]

Morning LNM, I'm so sorry you are feeling so very down.

I tried to kill myself 10 years ago. My life was shit and I could not see a way out, when asked why I did it the only thing I could come up with was that I had to do something. Looking back now I can see through the fog I was in that I saw it as the only thing that would make a difference, the only step that could actually change how I was feeling. But it is a too final step and a life sentence for those left behind. I'm so very glad I didn't succeed and still feel guilt for the devastation I caused. A far better thing to do is visit your GP and get support now. Write down how you feel if you think you'll minimise it.

When you feel like things are at there worse and you can't see light at either end of the tunnel it means you're right in the middle and you've made great progress but just can't see it yet. Keep plodding on and chinks of light will appear and you will get out the other side.

If you can't do it for you do it for your girls, you say that you are your parents it is in your blood, well maybe you have to break that cycle so they don't go through the same thing? You are loved by more people than you know but especially your girls who love and need you desperately.

See your GP as soon as possible and get some support. I think every person in the world can benefit from therapy, it doesn't mean you're defective only that you're human. I also took anti-depressants when things were bad and they helped to clear enough of the fog that I could function and start to see a way out.

Sending you big hugs and lots of pistachios. xx