Fresh Start, no more losers.

[LoserNoMore]

Just thought I'd start a new thread, general chit chat, moaning, skipping etc before I go to work and incase the other one fills up.

Are the girls ok LNM?
With the best will in the world, sometimes they just 'see' things.
Just hope you're ALL ok.

Yeah they're ok LittleEsme, I can put on a good front. They are busy with school and sports day, fun days winding down to the school holidays. They know if they have any worries they can speak to me without hesitation but I am keeping a close eye on them. If I in any way let them become affected by any of this I'd never forgive myself. Everything I do is for them and their happiness.

I'm trying not to be concerned by ex but I'm over thinking everything just now.

I was watching (I think) J Lo on Graham Norton a week or so ago and she came out with this paraphrased statement which I think is so true

Women overthink everything, and men don't think at all. Both have merits and both have flaws

You can always PM one of us LNM, I'm sure I speak for everyone on your thread, so if you do have a thought that you don't want to put 'out here', then please don't bottle it in where it will fester.

You really are an awesome lady and I say that with total sincerity. Your girls sound so special, they really do.

Sounds about right Cabbage.

Couldn't agree more Cabbage.

Thanks LittleEsme, I'll keep that in mind. They are pretty special, I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

My offer of a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on still stands..

'night LNM. Sleep well
'night everyone.

morning john boy

how we doing lnm? hopefully better for not having to go and get sucker punched at work. what did doc put on the sick note btw? would be helpful if it was 'work related stress'.

i'd say don't even think or plan anything this week - just try and relax and potter round the house getting bits done as and when. if you start stressing or thinking about work tell yourself you'll think about that next week. you're not burying your head in the sand or being irresponsible you are just taking some time to rest and relax and recover before you make any kind of decisions.

today i shall mostly be doing bugger all. my friend is coming over later and i might have to ask her to wash my hair. i'm not allowed to shower or bathe this week and can't use my arms that well. i can handle a bit of scuzziness but clean hair is needed.

Ooh SaF I would find unwashed hair a major issue. I wash mine daily and feel unkempt without. A colleague is having friends wash hers at the moment post op

LNM. rest day for you

morning everyone! As usual, cabbage has it spot on. 'We' do overthink everything.

My offer is still there - along with everyone else. You can talk to us and I urge you to talk to us, a problem shared is a problem halved. I know its an old cliche, but it does work. We may not have a fairy wand but between us we will have help, advice and maybe a practical solution. If all else fails we have WINE!

I have got builders here - getting my patio redone, I cant wait, we have pink slabs circa 1990 and it was one of the last jobs to get done. I chose some lovely natural sandstone which goes with the house and ties in with garden furniture etc so it will look nice but not too modern.

Ive put before pics on fb and it makes my patio area look bloody terrible! I am so mortified when I see them, but it just means the 'after' will be so much better.

Of course the sun has pissed off and the dark grey clouds are hanging around now. Typical.

Morning. I'm pleased you're off work for a while, you do need it. Don't let STBX become your concern. If he wants contact I feel this should go through a solicitor now. He has a responsibility here - you are not responsible for his behaviour. You don't have to find him or run after him to initiate contact. The fact the police have been involved means you can offload a bit in this department. I'm sure your solicitor will clarify matters for you.

Look after yourself and your dds. HighJinx is right, keep records re:employer, they could be very useful. As Cabbage says, we may not want to involve police but sometimes it's unavoidable. I did because our safety was at risk. It isn't up to us to feel guilty about making that call, we wouldn't have to if they didn't put us in that position.

Glad to hear you are signed off LNM and good to hear that you had such a long sleep yesterday. Hopefully you are having another restful day today.

I was thinking about your situation and I feel so for you. Between your ex, his sister and your employers you seem surrounded by takers and chancers while you sound so lovely, kind and giving. And your girls sound just like you.

As my Gran used to say 'Don't let the silly buggers win'

Thanks again for all advice and lovely words.

I've just been pottering about all morning, haven't actually got anything done. Not likely to either, my get up and go has upped and left.

Ive just eaten 3 THREE! mint (walnut) whips from M&S

I am awful at the moment. I just want to stuff my face with junk... And I had a lovely salad for lunch. Oh dear.

Sometimes you need a few days like that. I've done sod all today and I have no real excuse! Still, been quite nice all the same

Jax - walnut whips, yum. Remember the calcium and the protein from the nut is good for you. People look at chocolate too negatively in my opinion!

Made the Toblerone cheesecake this weekend, was a real winner. Accidentally bought a 400g one so had to eat the other half last night....just in case it goes off, of course

Hmmmmmm to toblerone cheesecake

Glad you liked it!! Maybe you should make one LNM - you know, for medical reasons

It doesn't matter that you got nothing done today, infact I'm sure you did get up, get the girls up, dressed and run to school .... And then picked up again and dinner made!!! So not really nothing

pottering is absolutely what is called for.

today i washed my own hair tentatively, did some washing up, sat and drank tea with a friend and wrote a shopping list that she's delivering later and walked to the chemist and picked ds up from school.

i am officially pooped and a bit bloody sore.

think tomorrow may be a go steady day once i've delivered ds to school.

SAF - take it easy! How lovely that your friend did some shopping for you, don't be embarrassed about that! Have a lazy day tomorrow, no point suffering for no reason. Washing your hair can make such a difference to how you feel, I've never tried that dry shampoo but I can't imagine it feels the same...

I absolutely recommend the cheesecake, dd liked it and she hates desserts (freak!) and ds liked it and he hates cheesecake (freak no.2!).

I really need to sample some of this cheesecake!

SAF, take it easy woman. Defintely lazy day for you tomorrow.

I'm so bloody tired still, I can't get enough sleep, I'd happily stay in bed forever. Then come bed time I can't sleep. Helpful. All day today I keep running over everything in my head and thinking it is all my fault, everything. He kept saying it amongst some other nasty stuff.

None of it is your fault.

He is responsible for his own behaviour. He is responsible for his own choices. He is responsible for his own unrealistic expectations regarding your reactions.

It is not your fault that you have not responded to his appalling behaviour in the way that he wants you to. It's not your fault that you his behaviour was so bad that you had to call the police. It's not your fault that he can't see how badly he has been and still is behaving.

The fact that he is unwilling or unable to shoulder responsibility for his actions reinforces your choice as the right one.

Keep telling yourself this. Re-read some of your threads. Think what you would tell a friend in your position. Do not let him make you doubt yourself.

It's good that you are signed off and have some time to rest but don't spend too much time mulling over his words. They are never going to take you anywhere good.

Watch trashy movies, make toberlone cheesecake and look for houses on the beach.

Have

all we can say is that it really isn't your fault and you know that really. it's a nasty bent of the mind to twist on ourselves and poke along thought tracks like that and it really does no good whatsoever and it doesn't 'mean' anything. so every time you catch yourself doing it note you're doing it and resolve to stop - do a crossword puzzle, play candy crush, make cheesecake, have a bath, masturbate, whatever! just switch track.

that way of thinking and that path in the head leads only to depression and crap.

LNM, get a grip woman.

Listen, you are programmed to cope. You are are now re-running the last few months because a part of you is trying to fix things. It makes sense doesn't it? If it's YOU that broke things, then you can fix things. Yes?

But, it's not you that broke things LNM. It was the fuckwit of an ex that thought he could have it all. Except he fucked up and got caught out and broke your heart. He knew that you drew a line at infidelity and he STILL thought that he could con you. He STILL deceived you, hurt your daughters, ruined your marriage and he STILL continues to blame you for his failings.

Don't you DARE start blaming yourself for ANY of this mess.

I know deep down its not my fault but he does make me doubt myself. I'm 99.9% sure none of its my fault but that tiny little part is the part he plays on. Apparantly I'm dead inside and never showed him enough affection, that's why he went elsewhere. Wanker!

Saf, I just giggled like a 12 year old at masterbate! I've just realised how long it's been since I had some action!