Fresh Start, no more losers.

[LoserNoMore]

Just thought I'd start a new thread, general chit chat, moaning, skipping etc before I go to work and incase the other one fills up.

i just never meet anyone who interests me really. i have issues with english men tending to be either bar flowers who happily spend half their families income on beer in the pub or really dull. the bar flowers are amusing but you wouldn't want one of your own given how they tend to talk about and treat their wives and the dull ones tend to be looking for a mummy figure to look after them which is wholly unappealing.

and yes that's a HUGE generalisation. but when i was travelling and living overseas i knew men from all over the world who had passions and interests and were driven. that's maybe unfair though because obviously they were the ones with some get up and go who were out in the world 'doing' stuff.

i would like an equal who doesn't mind being a bit dull and domesticated because hey that's what grown up life with children is like but who is still passionate and interested in life and has a bit more to talk about than their football team and how many pints they drank last night.

i clearly don't meet a ton of interesting men so obviously i am massively biased and should be ignored.

oh and then there's the bitter weekend dad's moaning on about how much maintenance they pay whilst their ex lives the life of larry and how it was all her fault because she was crazy/a bitch/etc(but usually crazy and bitch) which puts me straight off.

sorry - long ramble but my point is that in theory i'm up for a relationship but in reality there doesn't look much prospect of it. i kind of feel that most women do not leave the father of their children for no reason, so most of the fish that have been thrown back in the sea are in there for good reason and not good enough for me or my son.

bitter weekend dad's moaning
that would be my (EA) X, if he actually had the kids for the weekend
yy to most of them being thrown back in the sea for a reason. and the rest don't have kids and hence might want kids.

but...but...some people have nice step dads so it must be possible
so I always like to hear about nice step dads/happy 2nd relationship as it cheers me up.

and as LNM is clearly a fabby lady I would think if she wanted someone nice some day there is every chance she might find him. assuming most men are not as stupid as her X and recognise a good thing when they see it.

Disclaimer: a man is not a requirement for a happy life.

Yes, I suppose that's where I'm lucky SAF, dh doesn't have a past (he was 20 when we met). He isn't like most of the men I knew at that time. We just fit well, it's a nice change from being frightened all the time.

But heghog is right, no-one needs a man to be happy & fulfilled. I'm absolutely certain that if dh & I split I'd be happy being single and a Mum.

There are lots of passionate and decent men out there, finding them is the hard part!
All of the step-dads I know in my family and friendship groups are decent, loving and great role models, who treat their step children as their own.

Swallowed, I feel / think that too.

Sad but...fabulous!
My DC are growing up with ideals.
We are ( without a male ) a healthy and complete family.

Spent time with xdh this weekend, he's still a selfish wotsit, and we are better off without him.
By the time he left DD was on the brink of tears and DS whining constantly.
This was 24 hours in his company.

yes you're right heghog - it is nice to hear about the exceptions

well done for surviving ex lowercase.

ds has never met his father as once he realised i wouldn't change my mind, get back with him and let him move into my home and suck on a main vein just because i had discovered i was pregnant he didn't want to know. sad for ds in the theoretical sense (as in a wonderful father in his life would be a wonderful thing) but in the reality of who the man is and and how much hassle i have seen women go through over access and hassle and 'drama' it's actually been a blessing. been just us, peaceful and happy from the start so we know no different.

sorry - very me me me at the minute!

oh and all dogs and child have homes to go to for the weekend AND i just got my period (which i had visions of getting in the middle of surgery and waking up in a mess) has come so i'm all set for friday and feeling relieved

SAF your last post made me smile, not because you have your TOM but because you were looking forward to it coming pre op.

So glad you have sorted out DC and animals, you can go in and know that all will be looked after. But who is going to look after you when you get out of hospital?

I know a couple of people who have had reductions and it has been the best thing they have done (so they said) no more backache and being able to buy a bra that fits and looks good. Will be thinking of you on Friday.

thank you jax. my friend bless her heart says she is going to pop in every day after i get home for the first week and see how i'm doing and what i need. that nearly made me cry.

i'm not used to people helping me and tend to feel i have to do everything myself and never ask for help so it's all been a bit tear jerky emotional for me this week. though now i know i was hormental

Yes I too will be thinking of you.

I sometimes ponder making myself single again mainly because I can't believe that there are good relationships out there and DP isn't totally perfect....Im not at all willing to 'just settle' and am frightened of a long term relationship and being tied in. I'm happy alone. But I think I might be being commitment phobic now.

Your post describing a passionately interested in life guy who can also do dull and domesticated actually sums up DP rather well. He makes meals for me to come home to, did laundry and hung it out before he left today and yet is first to encourage me to do all sorts of fun stuff which I'd never have thought of or had courage to do on my own. Equally I drag him out to do the barmy stuff I fancy ...even if its a picnic in the middle of nowhere in the middle of a storm. Life is very much fun when he is around.

The biggest plus is the positive input into DDs life. He is a great dad to his own two and a great father figure for her. Even her older sisters who are loyal to their Dad say this.

SAF - best of luck for your surgery. I'm sure you'll be very pleased with the end result. I had a colleague who had it done and she only wishes she'd been able to have it done sooner. Understand what you mean about coming on, my Mum came on on the day she was admitted to hospital with Malaria. She couldn't even sort herself out as she was delirious for the first few days, she was mortified!

yes that was the fear - being too out of it from surgery and making a mess of myself and sheets etc. possibly a silly thing to worry about but am glad it's sorted. bless your mum.

he sounds lovely cabbage. no one is perfect and it sounds like you are happy with him. i sometimes think if i could go back to my younger self i might tell her to just pick one who was nice, good in bed, made you laugh and was a good cook instead of always needing to move on and panic about getting stuck. wasn't me though and for whatever reason i always did need to move on. possibly commitmentphobic too though as living in my parents horror of marriage made me very wary.

how are you doing lnm? sorry for hogging your thread with my self indulgence today x

Good luck with the surgery SAF, I'm glad you've got support in place. Worrying about coming on would be exactly the sort of thing I would stress about!

Hi! Glad everything is sorted for your surgery SAF, least you don't need to worry now. I'll be thinking of you on Friday.

I'm knackered this week, can't sleep for the crazy dreams still. Last night I had a dream I went to New York for my Birthday, was walking down the street and met Demi Moore who asked me if I'd like to go to Central Park, so I went with my boyfriend...Johnny Vegas. Wtf!

Work is terrible, came very close to walking out today. I'm going to speak to my boss in the morning and tell her I can't continue to work under this pressure.

It really isn't the way it should be LNM, I feel so frustrated on your behalf re: work.
I hope your boss is reasonable tomorrow and stops taking advantage of your strong work ethic

You need to LNM

You need your strength for your personal life. If you 'cracked' they'd lose you and be stuck - far better to manage things than wait for a crisis.

go for it LNM. try the, 'i do not want to go off sick and leave you in a mess BUT i cannot continue to work under this pressure and the job has become untenable. i would rather we could sort this out in house so....' bit. it's not a threat but it makes clear they need to act and it isn't an option to just ignore you.

I am going to de-lurk to second what SAF says.

Make it absolutely clear to your boss that you believe your working conditions to be untenable. You are not just having a bit of a whinge. Be clear about exactly what needs to change. I would also talk about time limits of when things can be dealt with/changes can happen.

After every meeting email her saying 'This is what i believe we discussed. If you feel I have misrepresented you or have anything to add please let me know by x date'.

That way if they do nothing and you do end up leaving you will have a better chance of having a case to take to tribunal.

You are handling the shitty situation with your STBXH brilliantly. It's total crap that you have to do this too but I know you can do it.

Hoping all is going well for you today LNM and your boss sees sense. They'd be mad to lose someone like you.

Good luck at work LNM, you're absolutely right to stand up for yourself. Well done you!

hi everyone.

LNM hope you had a stern word with the boss and followed up with an email. You easily could be given a Drs note given everything of late, including your concussion, pressure of work and dickhead Ex.

hugs for you, and anyone else who is in need.

I have a nice 'bib' effect of sunburn on my chest. Totally accidental but will remember to put suncream on BEFORE I get dressed tomorrow.

Feel like I havent stopped since I got back from 'holiday' - every day this week Ive had something on, whether just monotonous laundry or voluntary work. Tomorrow I am going to try to sort out DD room, and cut the grass and just chill a little bit at home myself.

Feel like I havent stopped since I got back from 'holiday' - every day this week Ive had something on. Yes yes I can't wait for DD to go to bed tonight. She's driving me nuts and I just need some me time. Woke early with noisy birds then a full on day until now when finally I'be stopped... Waiting for DD to go to bed so that I can a) have a drink b) concentrate on some work (yes I know a + b are in conflict)

Chocolate may feature as well

LNM hope your day has not been demoralising and really hope your boss has some balls to stand up for you

Ditto to what everyone has said re work LNM. Something is going to give otherwise, and it cannot be you. The girls need you.

Hope you have a dream-free night tonight but if you don't, replace Johnny Vegas with Brad Pitt

SAF - excellent re child-care and doggie-care. You can have your op now and not have the extra worry. I'll be thinking of you on Friday.

I'm trying to write school reports - and as thick as this makes me sound, I've run out of inspiration. I'm trying to word something a little awkward about one of my Year 8 pupils. Don't suppose someone clever is around???!