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Original poster

Would you be comfortable with your dp meeting up with an old friend...

178 replies

annabanana84 · 14/05/2013 07:31

...who happens to be female, very pretty and single?

They were good friends throughout childhood, and although they occasionally bump into each other while out shopping etc and say a quick hello, how are you?, they haven't remained in contact. There's never been any romantic history as far as I know.

Now they have arranged to meet up and go for a curry and a few drinks and a great big jolly old catch up, and I feel quite uncomfortable with this. DP doesn't have any female friends he sees out of work or otherwise anyway, he only ever goes out with his few male pals.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/05/2013 18:27

Since the OP has buggered off, this is all rather academic, innit Smile

motherinferior · 14/05/2013 18:40

In answer to the OP: if my DP wanted to catch up with an old mate he'd not seen for decades, over a curry, I would have no problems. They could even have beer.

If she were pretty and single I'd probably be quite pleased for the poor bloke, who usually has to put up with me at my least presentable and bad-tempered. They could flirt decorously over their beer and it would cheer him up Grin

Offred · 14/05/2013 18:48

Ha ha! Mother inferior! Grin

patienceisvirtuous · 14/05/2013 18:58

I wouldn't be happy with it. I just wouldn't . I'm in the camp of 'it's playing with fire'.

To be honest I wouldn't be with DP if he went out with pretty, single females for pleasant evenings in restaurants etc. If that makes me insecure so be it.

AThingInYourLife · 14/05/2013 19:11

I can't imagine many social situations as likely to end up in excruciating awkwardness as going out for an entire evening (dinner AND drinks) with someone I hadn't spent any time with since we were both children.

If we'd been teenage pals maybe, adults I would consider depending on why we were no longer in touch.

But someone who only knows me the way I was when I was a kid?

No way.

That's a "we should meet up for a coffee some time" (and see if we have anything AT ALL to talk about.

The only reasons to plan a dinner date with someone you don't really know are
A you fancy them
B you want their business

Offred · 14/05/2013 19:16

Your reasons but then the op's dp is not you. The op has said they say hi in the street, so there is clearly a current acquaintance there. Perhaps they have already been for coffee Shock

ethelb · 14/05/2013 19:22

Im quite surprised by a lot of the answers here. DP has a lot of old female friends who he sees alone sometimes (in fact he was supposed to be seeing two tonight). I dont have a problem at all. Though I know them and think they are nice.

And one happens to be gay. Does that make a difference? Grin

AThingInYourLife · 14/05/2013 19:23

You don't go from occasionally bumping into someone to a whole night out together, just the two of you, unless someone wants something.

People have better things to do than waste entire evenings on people they vaguely know and might want to be friends with.

That's not how it works.

The OP's DP apparently treats her like shit, which figures if this is the kind of crap he comes out with.

AThingInYourLife · 14/05/2013 19:26

My husband has lots of female friends.

But he doesn't take women he barely knows out for dinner.

The idea of either of us doing this is hilarious. With a childhood friend of either gender.

I love how some people think that because men and women can be friends that that means no social engagement, no matter how weird, can ever be called into question.

Offred · 14/05/2013 19:30

Oh right. I must be after something from my close long standing friend I had 3 years of no contact with then...

We stopped speaking because I was in an abusive relationship and was being cut off from my friends. When we started bumping into each other we remembered how close we'd been and did just that - arranged to meet up, although not for dinner, in the pub, alone.

People do gossip but neither of us fancy each other. I've seen him weekly since then, we text everyday, he's a genuinely lovely guy and we genuinely have no feelings other than friendship for each other, if that wasnt the case we wouldn't be hanging out so much. No-one would bat an eye if he had a vagina even though I'm bisexual... It is irrational.

VerySmallSqueak · 14/05/2013 19:40

I'd be fine with it.
But I expect he would sort out a meeting where I could be included.
Then I would probably say that I didn't mind if he wanted to go alone.
And he probably would.

AThingInYourLife · 14/05/2013 19:48

Unless you were 13 when you reestablished your relationship, I can't see how that is the same as my example.

I specifically said it excluded people you knew as a teen or an adult.

This is someone he knew as a child.

Are they planning to talk about tadpoles, Sindy dolls and fairy land all night?

Because there's nothing else there.

A new friendship is certainly possible. Maybe even desirable.

But you can't just take up where you left off with someone you were friends with before puberty, before music, before indignation at injustices, before scenes, before the things that make you the adult you became.

motherinferior · 14/05/2013 20:31

I caught up with a friend I knew as a child and only knew slightly as a teenager.

We wrote a book together Grin

I don't have anything better to do, clearly, than to catch up with people I haven't seen in ages. I like people. I'm quite friendly.

Offred · 14/05/2013 20:46

How do you know it is before puberty exactly? That's quite specific. I refer to my school/college friends as childhood friends.

ALittleStranger · 14/05/2013 20:49

As a single woman with lots of male friends it makes me sad that so many women would be uncomfortable at the idea of me meeting up with one of them for dinner and drinks.

But I do recognise that some friends have withdrawn from 1 on 1 activities so I guess it's pretty commonplace.

Offred · 14/05/2013 20:59

Honestly I think there is an element of punishing women who don't get themselves married off by socially excluding them, demeans the pack.

motherinferior · 14/05/2013 21:02

I do find the way that any meeting after 6pm that goes on for longer than an hour and involves food and/or drink described as a 'date' a bit, er, weird. By that logic I go on dates with friends of either sex all the time.

motherinferior · 14/05/2013 21:04

And it's always 'taking out for dinner'. Bizarre. Not 'meeting up for something to eat'.

Offred · 14/05/2013 21:26

I robbed some chicken nuggets off my mate at 2.30am the other day while we sat in a tesco car park. Is that a date? Cheap one...

Offred · 14/05/2013 22:08

Of course it may well be a date to him... Although curry is a strange choice for a first date...

Offred · 14/05/2013 22:09

That's as arbitrary a factor as any of the others I think.

badinage · 14/05/2013 23:26

Still no OP? Hmm

Well this has been nice, hasn't it?

AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 00:05

It's been positively lovely to hear about all these confident, secure women who take shit from nobody on a board where many are anything but and do (unfortunately) every day of their lives.

Selba · 15/05/2013 00:14

No you can't possibly ALLOW YOUR man to meet up with a pretty woman.
Doesn't he have any ugly childhood friends? That would be ok.

For goodness sake, butt out of your partner's friendships.

AThingInYourLife · 15/05/2013 07:28

My husband is away for a few days with a woman he met in a shopping centre.

Apparently they were at the same school and want to catch up.

I'm totally cool with it.

There's nothing weird about spending loads of time one-on-one with someone you barely know.

That's how people make new friends, isn't it?

Long periods of time alone together reminiscing.