My husband left 4 weeks ago after I found some dubious e-mails to another woman he works with. I have posted about this on another thread, but still need the support from all you lovely ladies out there.
I asked him to go to his mum's after I went mad screaming and shouting and both of us crying. He went to his mum's, then round to my parents explaining himself and accepting all the blame.
I still let him in the house later that night and we both sat talking and crying about how we would get over this, then he collected some things and went back to his mothers.
I phoned him the next morning demanding the ow mob number but he would not give it to me as he said i would jeapardise his job if she went to his boss. We were both still crying and he asked what to get for his breakfast as his mum only has fried food and he likes to keep fit and eat well so he went to shop to buy that and washing powder for his clothes.
He also came up later that afternoon and we both talked some more. He said he had been very flattered by the attentions of this high powered business woman and had got carried away, swore there was nothing physical.
He told me he would give me her mob number once I had calmed down and to be careful what to say to her as it would cost him his job. he said he would give it to me the next morning whilst on the train as he was away for a few days on a business meeting.
Next morning he phoned and gave me her number, I put it in the drawer as after all the trauma I could not face calling her, was in no state to do so. later that evening after another sleepless night, he phoned sounding like his normal self, and I told him I had not contacted her, but he probably knew that as she would have phoned him if I had.
I then asked him when he was coming home and he said he wasn't. he said it was so out of character for him to do that and that the blinkers had been taken off his eyes and that he must have been very unhappy to have done it in the first place.
I got very upset, begged him to come home, but he won't. He is staying at his mum's. I ended up in hospital after trying to end it all. Can't imagine life without him. And now he wants to settle all our financial affairs and divorce. Am distraught. We have two daughters, one is sitting her Higher exams right now and the other is expecting a baby. They have been so wonderful, they are so strong, told me I am better without him. He had been treating me badly weeks before and I knew something was "off", that was why I had looked at his phone.
He has said he can't forgive me for looking at his phone and have now destroyed all trust. And that I would make his life hell as I would now be paranoid and forever questioning what he is doing.
He says he has no energy left, nothing to give, and that my health problems have drained him. I have anxiety and stress. But it is not as if he was a carer, I did most things for him! He doesn't know what he wants, but he knows he does not want "this.
I am devastated, cannot do this anymore. Have been a mess, shaking stuttering, he was over Frid night and said he is never coming back and that we will be divorcing.
How do I do this? How can I live without him? We have been married for 27 years, ever since we were 15 years old.
I always had a feeling I would die early, in my forties, and this is it, this is "my death", I will never get over this. It is getting worse.
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Relationships
Marriage ended after 27 years. This is "My Death".
mrsmciver · 12/05/2013 12:43
You are absolutely bloody marvellous. So glad you've found your inner strength, we all knew you would 
Yaaaaaay Mrs M ........ you found your fighting spirit
You will have up days, down days, shitty days and murderous days ....but you will never again feel the way you did when you made your first post.
What a long way you have come.
Stick a post-it note on the fridge which says "today I was awesome" .... and just look at it every now and then.
x
try and keep that fighting spirit, it will come and go I warn you, so try and hold on to it!
one day at a time, one step at a time, don't think about anything more than you have to.
sue you for looking at his phone 
. I discovered my XH flirting on facebook by signing into his account, after I saw a deleted email where he was flirting with OW. My XH is by nature, not a flirt, not a womaniser, so it was all very out of character.
and like your XH, he gave me no chance to fix anything, he just decided it was over and walked. when you have a family, no matter how old your DC are, you owe it to them to talk to your W and try and sort things out if there genuinely is a problem. The fact that they dont try and talk and that they blame everything on the W, just goes to show that there wasnt really a problem, they just need an excuse to be able to walk away.
It shows how weak they are, that they just walk rather than talk and discuss things like grownups. and the women that they go to should really think twice about the prize that they are getting because one day, that will be them that is being walked out on.
Your H is running away from everything, refusing to face up to it, whereas you are meeting it all headon and dealing with it.
Be proud of yourself, let the back garden grow wild I'm sure that there is a shed and an 8" trampoline buried in mine somewhere 
I can tell you what has gotten into you Mrs M ...... the will to live
and fight back [
You know, whatever modern culture tells us about equal partnerships, when you have been in a marriage for a long time, one partner always emerges as the supporting role. In my experience it is usually the woman, and slowly be surely our sense of self becomes eroded. We lose who we are because we become "the wife". My ex used to say we had a democracy and he had the casting vote! (his idea of democracy was pretty warped, but the sentiment is apt).
So - is it any wonder that when we are suddenly left as a supporting role to an empty chair, we are lost with no sense of direction or fight or ...anything else? if the role modelling has been very strong, then it can be hard to even know what you are supposed to think. It took me literally years to get my ex's voice out of my head when I needed to make a decision. Drove me nuts!!
To be honest, Mrs M, you have pulled it together in a very short space of time. Really! Of course finding the certificate will have upset you. I wept buckets in the solicitors office when I had to swear the affidavit for divorce. But they are just hiccups in the road to coming back to yourself ....the girl who got married 18 years ago. Bright eyed and full of her OWN confidence ..... not dependant on anyone else to tell her that she is OK.
Your daughter sounds amazing, and her pride in you is obvious. Start with that as the springboard into next week!
(and please, please, please start a new thread with a title that reflects where you are now ..... friends here WILL come and join, honest
Deep breath Mrs M.
Its going to be this way for a while. Periods of feeling strong, see-sawing with absolute despair. Its early days and oart of you is still in shock. You would not be normal if you weren't thinking a few wild thoughts. I had a few vivid "thought-streams" - mainly involving emasculation with a bread knife What matters is that you keep coming back to the centred 'you'. The more you do it, the stronger you will become.
No-one can tell you what to do, but in your shoes I would tell him that you are not ready to talk further until you have spoken with your solicitor. And then take your sweet time about it. You need to stop allowing him to set the agenda all the time as it just drains your newly emerging strength. The next time you meet, it needs to be your agenda.
As for the garage .... I think he must be in cloud cuckoo land. If you are going to be retaining the house, its up to you whether you want it to have a new garage or not. Having him around to "sort it out" to his timescale is absolutely not an option for your mental welfare at the moment.
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You will have bad days but they will lessen. I can still remember how I felt when I got XH's emails, I can still physically feel the feeling. I stopped reading them in the end, when I realised they were just full of propaganda shite and peevish vitriol. Telling me how hard done to he was and how I was living the life of Riley. (Conveniently forgetting that he'd left me with no money, no job, didn't pay the mortgage, any bills - nothing).
I was at rock bottom but my over-riding emotion was anger. I was so bloody angry with him and that spurred me into actions that I didn't know I had in me. He genuinely thought that I would cave in. He got it wrong. And so has your H - show him what you are made of
mumgran's post is far more sensible and level headed than mine 
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