My husband left 4 weeks ago after I found some dubious e-mails to another woman he works with. I have posted about this on another thread, but still need the support from all you lovely ladies out there.
I asked him to go to his mum's after I went mad screaming and shouting and both of us crying. He went to his mum's, then round to my parents explaining himself and accepting all the blame.
I still let him in the house later that night and we both sat talking and crying about how we would get over this, then he collected some things and went back to his mothers.
I phoned him the next morning demanding the ow mob number but he would not give it to me as he said i would jeapardise his job if she went to his boss. We were both still crying and he asked what to get for his breakfast as his mum only has fried food and he likes to keep fit and eat well so he went to shop to buy that and washing powder for his clothes.
He also came up later that afternoon and we both talked some more. He said he had been very flattered by the attentions of this high powered business woman and had got carried away, swore there was nothing physical.
He told me he would give me her mob number once I had calmed down and to be careful what to say to her as it would cost him his job. he said he would give it to me the next morning whilst on the train as he was away for a few days on a business meeting.
Next morning he phoned and gave me her number, I put it in the drawer as after all the trauma I could not face calling her, was in no state to do so. later that evening after another sleepless night, he phoned sounding like his normal self, and I told him I had not contacted her, but he probably knew that as she would have phoned him if I had.
I then asked him when he was coming home and he said he wasn't. he said it was so out of character for him to do that and that the blinkers had been taken off his eyes and that he must have been very unhappy to have done it in the first place.
I got very upset, begged him to come home, but he won't. He is staying at his mum's. I ended up in hospital after trying to end it all. Can't imagine life without him. And now he wants to settle all our financial affairs and divorce. Am distraught. We have two daughters, one is sitting her Higher exams right now and the other is expecting a baby. They have been so wonderful, they are so strong, told me I am better without him. He had been treating me badly weeks before and I knew something was "off", that was why I had looked at his phone.
He has said he can't forgive me for looking at his phone and have now destroyed all trust. And that I would make his life hell as I would now be paranoid and forever questioning what he is doing.
He says he has no energy left, nothing to give, and that my health problems have drained him. I have anxiety and stress. But it is not as if he was a carer, I did most things for him! He doesn't know what he wants, but he knows he does not want "this.
I am devastated, cannot do this anymore. Have been a mess, shaking stuttering, he was over Frid night and said he is never coming back and that we will be divorcing.
How do I do this? How can I live without him? We have been married for 27 years, ever since we were 15 years old.
I always had a feeling I would die early, in my forties, and this is it, this is "my death", I will never get over this. It is getting worse.
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Marriage ended after 27 years. This is "My Death".
mrsmciver · 12/05/2013 12:43
Yes i know he doesn't want to be with me, but it still hurts. And it hurts me that he is not bothering much with his daughters either. It is not right and I could scream with the injustice of it all.
And I am trying to live my own life. Everything is still very raw.
My eldest daughter gave me a lovely little plate tonight that said 'Thank you mum for being someone to hug, someone to talk to and someone to love'.
That was lovely, felt a bit teary after that.
I never wanted this for my girls, I would have tried to make my marriage work, if he only had told me, I am so sad about all of this I really am. 
Iimagined my little grandaughter running into the house and shouting out 'granny... grandad!'
I get so upset thinking about that.[sad sad sad]
Your little granddaughter won't say that though, because she has never known a granddad. It won't be a loss to her!
What I'm thinking is that your husband made you powerless in your life together. He took control of everything and made you feel weak and dependent. Now he has gone, your life has crashed down even greater than if it were 'just' the betrayal iyswim. He made himself the king pin in your life - perhaps you went along with that? Perhaps you believed him that, without him, you wouldn't be able to function? That you're a 'weak sort' and, if it were not for him, you'd be useless.
Now then, he did all that because it suited him. It isn't actually based on the truth. We all have as much power as the next person. If he robbed you of your power - and you let him, becuase you believed him - then that's all to do with him wanting to be the big I Am. and, perhaps, it was all to do with you believing he was.
He's not such a big I Am now, is he? He's a slug, a coward. In fact, not a powerful person at all, but a weak, small person.
You may not know you have the power to live your life to the full, but you do. As Mumn and others are saying, you have to fake it until you make it. Imagine you could do anything at all, anything you set your heart on. Well, you can do it. It probably won't all happen overnight, but you can make it happen a bit at a time. Perhaps get a role model - someone you admire; imagine it was them facing this, and try to do what you think they would do.
re mornings: you know they're bad. Pace yourself, as though you are training for a marathon. The mornings won't always be bad, so it's finite; but in the meantime, set yourself some targets. They don't have to be huge targets - eg 'get out of bed' is a target, 'go downstairs and put the kettle on' is another. One I would suggest is: don't lie in bed thinking. It gets you nowhere - it actually holds you back. Even if you feel half dead, shut your head up, get your bod out of that bed and get it down the stairs.
YOu can do it, stanley 
But you do know there is another woman.
Unfortunately a lot of other women in your position don't even have the info you possess and are insistent that their husbands are 'depressed' or 'ill' because they have no evidence at all of an affair and their ex is lying about it.
Also, you do realise don't you Mrs. M that a lot of the people advocating 'don't tell' on that other thread are likely to have been OWs or women who've had secret affairs themselves, don't you? Isn't it obvious? Always consider people's agenda behind the posts you read Mrs. M.
Even posters who tell you that they've been cheated on themselves don't always tell you that they have also cheated, or went on to be the OW in other relationships
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