does your dp work crap / unpredictable hours?

[vitomum]

mine does. i find it soooooo frustrating. can't plan ahead. sometimes can't plan till the end of the week even! always have to book holidays last minute so don't get to look forward to them, its all done in a last minute panic. Can't commit to seeing friends till last minute in case dp's work changes. can't have a regular hobby myself as could never commit to a set evening free. he's worked all weekend and now buggered off till next sunday. worst thing was i only found out on friday so no time to arrange anything with pals. yesetrday i spoke to no-one apart from ds and by lunchtime i was looking forward to going back to work on monday. how sad is that? we have tried everything to make it more workable but it is that nature of his work - he is freelance. anyone else in the same boat?

My dad popped round - I asked if he'd mind waiting a while so I could go to the supermarket alone (what small pleasures!) - he said he'd rather not as he's got a lot on. Can't imagine what.....So I had to take 3 of my 4 in the deluge (one's about to arrive home muddy and cold from a canoe camp). Anyway, I saw a friend I haven't seen for ages. She's being made redundant and her husband hasn't been able to work all year because of ill health... kind of puts my moaning into perspective. Won't stop me though! I love Extreme Makeover too and agree about the guilt free TV!

Thing is though, the nightmare job Dh ahd did end with him losing it- in DH's field increased hours tends to mean either low staff levels so it can be sold (as is the case ATM), or low staff levels so they can try not to go bankrupt. In a year we have no idea where DH will be working: there are rumours of a sale going around but no-one knows for sure.

My dh is a chef and works better hours now than ever, but still he only gets 1 weekend a month off. His other days off are when I'm at work. So we only get 2 days off togehter every 4 weeks.

Still, he no longer works the dreaded split shifts.

yeah mine works 5 nights a week from 10 pm till 7 pm in Tescos Not only do I not see him at night I don't see him in the day time as well andf the two days he has off he's tired and grumpy

snap mine is a pilot always on standby never knows for definate when the days off will be and these change daily !! Its hard work and I cant have a evening to do something for me because I can never work out where he will be then he has to move us 120 miles up the motorway away from all my family and friends adn I hate it!!!!! give me a man with a proper job anyday (dont I sound mardy!!!)

Same's true for my dh pc - he's working in IT so with all the outsourcing to India etc who knows what's happening. I still get wound up when he tells me he's been out having fun, even if it is with a load of Polish accountants (apologies to any Polish accountants - I'm sure you're all really fun people and dh is just playing down the social side to make me feel better!)

gosh there are loads in the same boat as me. maybe this is just life then??? PC the most intensely insane year (so far) of DP's work was also the year we came closest to splitting too. It places such a strain on things doesn't it. i would be interested to know how others who have managed it long term have survived.

My MIL left FIL for about a year i think when DH was about 4. He can't remember much and typical of their generation, don't really talk about such things. I believe it was to do with his over-work. He was an accountant at Granada tv at the time and this was mid 1960's...however he left it all to build a factory! How pissed off would I have been if it had been my dh! Leaving one stressed out job with long hours to create another 'vocation' with just as long hoursn and far more risk! MIL has said that they were like ships that passed in the night when her children were young and they would pass on the landing as he was going to bed and she was getting baby-dh up for his 10pm feed. I guess this problem is not just restricted to our generation either.

We're all doomed!

My dh works constantly. He can work from home, so he works before he goes to bed, wakes up and works and then goes into the office for a full day's work too. He works on weekends too and probably spends half or less of the weekend with us. It drives me up the wall and is the source of most of our arguments. His comeback is that he's trying to provide us with financial security. I'd rather see more of him than drive around in a fancy car. errr - no don't have the fancy car... dang

I remember dad working 16, even 20 days of 12 hour shifts ina row too, he used to come home and tell us of others who ahd lost fingers and stuff coz they'd fallen asleep in work (plastics factory, he was shift manager). I know he was stabbed (not badly hurt) by an employee he sacked who was dangerous through lack of sleep.

So no, not just our generation.

Dh has a get out plan, he wants to set up his own business. But to have his stuff CE checked costs £900 an item (!!! free enterprise my arse) so he works on the pc trading stuff on ebay when he's not at work, or fixing things for people. I just get so used to it now I forget, but at least he's here.

My d-sis's Dh commutes out the xountry to China etc at only an hours notice, for days at a time. D-sis suffers phobias and PND so she ahs it much harder than me, I shopudln't complain really.

bloomin' heck! these stories are horrific. at least me and dp agree on what we want - it is just making it happen that seems impossible.

Dh saw his dad lose his business and house etc so I think he won't let up. As reputation is so important, that's how he justifies taking phone calls on holiday. Working at home is worse for me too - he brings his laptop into the sitting room at night and stresses me out too. The older 3 are used to his hours, but the baby misses him terribly.

gosh lots touch with this thread!!
The sex has improved as he had sunday off and was home earlier than expected last night! Emmylou I think you win, well as far as I have read!
We too have just had chicken pox and yes keeping children of different ages all happy is sometimes a trial. Altough my eldest is happy on his own!!!
Hope life isnt too bad for you all and remember its good to moan and on here we dont hurt their poor feelings!!!!!!!!!

Yep. DH works as a trainer and is sent all over the country and often at very short notice. It's crap really. I feel quite bad but I've developed a seperate life which is me and DS doing stuff and then if he is around he can be involved and if not we still have stuff to do. Have a baby sitter I pay so that I can got out occasionally as well.

Ds does get very sad when he doesn't see daddy for ages though and is very different when he is home.

AuntyMandy I feel the same - almost a single parent - although I have the advantage of knowing someone will be coming through the door at some point. 5 children - much respect!!

Yup. Dh works for a national flag carrier as an airline pilot, obviously, he is away 2-3 nights a week, sometimes more. It's not ideal and really I shouldn't moan, I met him when I was working in the industry so I knew exactly the way things worked and what I was letting myself in for. So why is it then that now I am a SAHM, I look at his roster and complain? I keep reminding myself there are other mums with hubbies away much more and to think ourselves lucky. I do find it hard to manage 2 children on my own, especially the bedtime routine, am more than ready for that extra pair of hands when he's home. On a plus side, we try really hard to make the most of his time off and if we do find ourselves bickering, quickly remind ourselves life's too b**y short to argue!

Not read all this - but yes mine does. CAn I join the club?

mine too, that is why naswm and I are such friends!

Sometimes it's the little things - dd1 (12) is at school about 11 miles away (other side of nearest town). She wanted to go to a youth club near there for the first time tonight and I'm keen for her to go because she's quite shy. Forgot that it meant piling nos. 2, 3 and 4 (10, 9 and 2) in the car to pick her up at 9.15! Just getting on with my coursework now - a couple more hours then bed. Doesn't help that dh is in a different time zone this week so keeps phoning me at odd times - got confused and told me I'd overslept at 6.15 this morning. Sweet of him really.

Yes yes yes PITA, I always have to phone him to see if he is coming home.

swedish mum - don't know how you even contemplate taking on such a thing as 'course work'! What are you studying? How do you manage to fit it in? (am hoping to derive inspiration) Well done on youth club trip - i think my eldest (dd1 age 10) comes off the worst much of the time. She goes up to secondary school next term in a town about 10 miles away. Most kids from our village go there and there is a school bus, but its the socialising that i worry about as I won't be able to be as flexible as other parents. Can see myself loading sleeping children into car to collect her - or maybe she'll end up having more sleepovers.

I'm going to have a whinge today, please feel free to ignore!

DH's shift been changed AGIN, meaning he ahs to go in three hours early tonight. Meaning I have to finish the packing for the camping trip tonight and cope with three over excited children. SAm's sleep is up the duff again (ran out of melatonin) so I am shattered anyway. Was going to go to GP because have been having panic attacks but they're booked up. Should be looking forward to trip and I was, but I had a letter from a lecturer yesterday begging me to take his class next year (I did this but was dropping it) so now feel under stress to make a decision about that too. My schedule yesterday was kids to school (bearing in mind Sams worst triggers are whenever he has to get a change of clothes), drop kids at school / ds3 at childminders, make squash for 300 infant school kids, have hair cut, housework, collect DS1, collect kids early to take to school fayre, wake DH, make dinner, pack until 1 am with Sam trailing me. Today I can't leave the house as awaiting a DHL collection, but can't have a bath either, then have to go to Uni to put together a quick powerpoint, come back, collect DS3, pack, collect ds1 and 2 from school, wake DH, go to an interview, come home, dinner, DH wants to pop to shops (?), then he's off to work, finish packing, sort even more over excited kids, bath them and me, bed about 1, up at 6, pack car for 7.30 to leave. Not an adult conversation in sight! Can't make friends very well, as DH shifts mean I can't establish a routine, or go out to a group on a regular evening. When Uni is in session not a prob, as I get a break then.
But it's been over two weeks and I'm already having panic attacks

If he had, say, Saturday evenings off I could go out with the girls back home, or join up with the PTA to meet people. But no. It changes weekly.

Also dreading Sammin over excited mode- a anyone who has read threads about him will understand. He's been fantastic lately, but got stressed last night and lashed out again.

God yes!

Bloody marines, he's gone for 6 months now leaving me with 3 kids and a half finished kitchen,GGGRRRRRRR

See? Now I feel bad for moaning. Six months!

God pc your day makes me feel stressed just reading about it!
can really empathise about not having time to make friends, just one free evening a week would be great to do something for me and meet new people.
i feel like a single parent at the moment and it really getting hard, hes only been gone a week!

I suppose at least DH is only upstairs in bed though, I couldn't have married a marine (actually a conscious choice as lived right by Norton manor Camp for a while in my teens)- think you're brave! Know what you man about the single parent, that's how I always phrase it.

Actually the most stressfult hing is I am stuck here unable to get going with anything- can't pack as Dh asleep in bedroom.