does your dp work crap / unpredictable hours?

[vitomum]

mine does. i find it soooooo frustrating. can't plan ahead. sometimes can't plan till the end of the week even! always have to book holidays last minute so don't get to look forward to them, its all done in a last minute panic. Can't commit to seeing friends till last minute in case dp's work changes. can't have a regular hobby myself as could never commit to a set evening free. he's worked all weekend and now buggered off till next sunday. worst thing was i only found out on friday so no time to arrange anything with pals. yesetrday i spoke to no-one apart from ds and by lunchtime i was looking forward to going back to work on monday. how sad is that? we have tried everything to make it more workable but it is that nature of his work - he is freelance. anyone else in the same boat?

I definately can jump on this band wagon. The past 2 weeks dh was home between 1am and 4 am and back to the office for 9.00am. He has been in the office all day yesrterday and back again this afternoon. Prior to this he spent a week in LA for work. Even on a good night he isn't back before 8-9pm. Generally I don't know until 5-6pm if he will be home for supper, (and have often had a call at 8ish to say he is caught up at the office and won't be how to eat after all).

Just dropped dh off at the base so that he can be driven to another base 'Somewhere in England', for a weeks exercise. he is back for 2 weeks and then off to Africa for 3 weeks.

He is often away for a half of each year.

But to be fair I did now what I was geiing into when I married him

Know what you mean about weekends vitomum - its like you wait all week for a break in routine/extra help/adult company and then you have to manage as usual only with all the children AND if you do go out, see all the other families with Dads in tow. (Damn. Do feel guilt now thinking of widows & single parents.) Do like the guilt free crap telly during week though. Extreme Makeover Home Edition is a favourite with dd1 & 2 (10 & 7yrs) - subliminal metaphor for "come bulldoze my life and lets start again"?

Must admit, local pilates class with creche is the highlight of my week. Nothing like balancing on one leg stuff to help you forget the rest!

I also find a weekend trip to the gym/swimming pool, with the kids a life saver when dh is away for long periods of time.

Also my kids are getting older and that also makes my life a bit easier.

do you worry about the danger martianbishop? (I take it your dh is in forces). Friends dh was held hostage in Bosnia for a short while - all ok in the end though. Not sure how I'd cope with that.

My dh worries about something he's built/controling injuring someone - he does a lot of aerial automation (flying people through air at opening ceremonies type thing) and he worries to the nth degree (someones got to) - but at least i know he's not in any personal danger.

He is in the RAF, so tends to be 'safer' than army....forther away from the dodgy bits. He has had a few near death experiences that I try not to think about. This week is just a silly UK based thing though

Well I will join in, though freely admit I am nowhere near the winner!

Dh got made redundant in Nov from a local and v flexible job. Dd was 2mo. He got a job much further away, working mon-fri but 7.30am-5.30pm, which meant he was generally out of the house 13 hours, then came back filthy, needing to get straight into the shower. It also meant I was stuck in all day every day with 3.5yo ds and 8mo dd, and had to get 4 buses to take ds to nursery.

He recently got a new job, much nearer and back to shift work. However he is doing LOADS of overtime- partly cos we need the money but also because he is the new boy. The ridiculous thing is he is not finding out his next day's shift until he leaves for the evening- makes planning IMPOSSIBLE. Of course shift workers are supposed to get 2 weeks notice by law of their shifts, but he doesn't want to ask at the moment. He is also doing more than the hours of the old job- at least I knew where I stood with that! If I want/need the car, have to get me and children ready to drop him off, then invariably they fall asleep when we pick him up, meaning they won't go to bed till late but need to be up early....and so on and so on! Fun, isn't it?!

Saw the thread tuitle as "does your DH work crap". Yes, my DH does. He's a plumber.

Crikey - 4 buses, 3littlebabies If i had to factor in public transport (live in village) would have gone out of my mind years ago. Praise be for my car and life's small (well, its quite big really) mercies.

Mbishop - my friend's DH has left airforce now and their marriage has all but disintgrated under the strain of him having to adjust to un-adrenelin fuelled day to day life. Is there any win-win situation out there?

TBH, we have a good life and I shouldn't complain. Dh isn't in a very high adrenalin part of the RAF...it can be risky sometimes but nothing like as bad as when he was flying fast jets. That was in the time Before Children. He is older and more sedate.

He isn't at all 'Gung ho', very quiet, rather nerdy, very, very bright, kind and loving. A very gentle gentleman. So not your caracature forces man. That said, none of our mates are like that either.

We have been married 18 years, I've known him for 25 and we are very lucky. If I am honest I worry more about his health than flying these days

Me too re: dh's health. Worry that stress, fags, alcohol, not eating properly (I do try when he is actually here) and depressional bouts will all take their toll. In run up to the Olympics opening ceremony he was thowing up every night. Still, the pacing up and down the garden whilst smoking and talking on phone get him a little exercise. Our big dog helps with that too.

Damn - mustn't turn this wifely frustrational rant thread into a poor-little-DH-thread!

dh has chronic leukemia.... atm he is find but I do get hyper about it, The RAF don't worry about him, he is fit to fly and has rigorous medicals etc, but I still worry

Dh has had seven shift changes in the past year. He works nights, but the exact times / days vary so much. he is prone to mental health problems and it makes me that they are effectivelyr educing his R and R time on a monthly basis. We did kick up recently and Dh was given assurances that it wouldn't happen again. It did- in days- but they sticking within agreed parameters (eg, no finishing after seven am).

I worry like anything that he won't get enough rest and will get ill again. Obv MAb has more to worry about (hugs, MB) but he does get really bad and has been unable to work and worse in the past. right now he is doing so well and I feel I could (but won't!!) throttle them if they cause him to relapse.

(sorry- obv MB)

I shouldn't worry, it could be so much worse. I'm just getting twitch as he is coming up to his sixth month check up. His leukemic cell count will go up, it is the nature of the illness, but he is totaly fine.

I'm being a fart, just igmore me

not being fart MB! Sorry too. its another layer balanced precariously atop 'normal' life.

You're right to worry MB, you love him after all (well I presume you do LOL)

and peachyClair - shifts/messing with day/night time must cause sooo many problems with family life let alone your dh's health.

er yes just a bit! DS1 doesn't cope well at all with it, that's actually how we got them to stop- applied under flexible working rules (thanks to sound advice from here). It helped us reach a midway at least, although its not (IMO- DH happier then me) good enough still.

i often wonder if i had 3 sons not 3 daughters if dh's absences would be more keenly felt - by him aswell as them. They'll probably grow up to think that a workaholic dh who is never home in time for baths and bedtime stories is normal. Scary thought. Must remember enlighten them frequently.

I know what tou mean, I worry my boys will think its normal to sleep all day have virtually no social life as in work when everyone else is out and about. I notice they all seem a lot happier when DH is around which makes me a bit for them- and for Dh too, since its not his choice (only job he could find after last bout of illness).

My dh seems to be copying behavior of his father who worked lots and took dh with him every weekend to help build his own factory -MIL says they used to holiday on a boat in Lake District as there were no telephones. Mobiles have a lot to answer for. There was even wireless broadband at campsites during recent trip to Australia. Just can't get away from work. Glad your dss appreciate dh's company. Not sure if my DDs are always happier when DH is around as he tends to be wound up all the time. Relaxes during our 2 weeks in Pembrokeshire though and he used to not be able to get mobile coverage at the house we rent there but networks have improved so much I'm afraid thats just not the case anymore . Life's not all bad - off to walk dog in rain with 3 grumpy dds. Could be worse!

I look for holiday destinations where there is no mobile connection, but it jsut ends up us having to drive to a place where he can ring in each day .

Compared to some of you I am not badly off. DH works on average a 50 hour week but is generally home to bath DS at 6.30.

He travels to Europe about 1 week in 3, but doesn;t do long haul atm thank god.

He does often work on weekend evenings at home and make calls over the weekend, and the last two nights has spent doing something which is effectively work but he isn;t getting paid for it, as a favour to a friend.

I have recently asked him to cut back a bit on his hours as it was starting to affect his mood too much and thankfully he has listened.

Although he is middle management and has a reasonably high level of responsibility, he will never admit that he could possibly be dispensible. He is totally "live to work", and finds it very hard to ever totally switch off.

Dh only does a fifty hour week now, one point he was doing 60 plus commuting an hour and a quarter each way. That coincided with the closest we ever came to splitting up. He doesn't call in on holiday though, says he does enough for them. Starts Saturday evenings (when his colleaugues most likely to go sick) with a few glasses of wine as well so he cannot drive in and would be unsafe in the workplace (hauliers).

I used to work part time though, and because my famillies got my number I was on call 24 hours all day every day. Even used to get calls in the middle of the night wanting to know if I knew anyone could fix a fridge (my job was supporting people not bloody fridge fixing). Even had to give a roadcrew my phone when I was on the carnival floats- why? For a 20 hour week, how gullible was I????????