Am I being abused?
Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
a check list Use this site for some concise diagnostic lists and support
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
why financial abuse is domestic violenceAre you a free ride for a cocklodger, or supposed to act grateful for every penny you get for running the home?
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.
20 signs you're with a controlling and/or abusive partner Exactly what it says on the tin
Books :
"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft - The eye-opener. Read this if you read nothing else.
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans ? He wants power OVER you and gets angry when you prove not to be the dream woman who lives only in his head.
"The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans - Answer: Perhaps - ONLY IF he recognises HIS issues, and if you can be arsed to work through it. She gives explicit guidelines.
"Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward. The author is a psychotherapist who realised her own marriage was abusive, so she's invested in helping you understand yourself just as much as helping you understand your abusive partner.
"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverley Engels - The principle is sound, if your partner isn't basically an arse, or disordered.
"Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie - If you a rescuer, you're a co-dependent. It's a form of addiction! This book will help you.
But whatever you do, don't blame yourself for being Co-dependent!
Websites :
So, you're in love with a narcissist - Snarky, witty, angry, but also highly intelligent: very good for catharsis
Dr Irene's verbal abuse site - motherly advice to readers' write-ins from a caring psychotherapist; can be a pain to navigate but very validating stuff
Out of the fog - and now for the science bit! Clinical, dispassionate, and very informative website on the various forms of personality disorders and how they impact on family and intimate relationships.
Get your angries out ? You may not realise it yet, but you ARE angry. Find out in what unhealthy ways your anger is expressing itself. It has probably led you to staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Melanie Tonia Evans is a woman who turned her recovery from abuse into a business. A little bit "woo" and product placement-tastic, but does contain a lot of useful articles.
Love fraud - another site by one woman burned by an abusive marriage
You are not crazy - one woman's experience. She actually has recordings of her and her abusive partner having an argument, so you can hear what verbal abuse sounds like. A pain to navigate, but well worth it.
Baggage reclaim - Part advice column, part blog on the many forms of shitty relationships.
heart to heart a wealth of information and personal experiences drawn together in one place
what couples therapy does for abusers
If you find that he really wants to change
should I stay or should I go bonus materials this is a site containing the material for men who want to change?please don?t give him the link?print out the content for him to work through.
The Bill of Rights
bill of rights here is what you should expect as a starting point for your treatment in a relationship, as you will of course be treating others!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
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Relationships
Support thread for those in emotionally abusive relationships...coming of age:21
foolonthehill · 04/05/2013 11:49
Was that a 'thanks for all the reports' Rowan? 
We look after each other don'tcha know?!
Hello lovelies.
match and mink so 
for your worries about the dcs. Thank goodness they have lovely dms 
I agree with butterfly and pony that dd is asking for help in her own way. These fws only have thoughts for themselves, don't they?
FW here was standing doom and gloomily in garden until I shut the door on the affecting scene because it was making the house cold and cheerily checked he had his keys 
- my assertiveness is clearly causing the poor dear pain and distress. It must hurt when the doormat rises up, eh 
Morning all. Sorry for the silence, poor DD has got the illness that is currently very much in the public eye at the moment (not going to say exactly what it is as it will out me but sure you'll all know what I mean!). So more stress but she's doing ok.
Hope your little DCs are ok match and mink. It's good that you think so much about them when FW doesn't as they need someone to stand their corner. A decent Dad would do the same. Makes me very
Breathe - a doormat rising only hurts if you're stood on it
nini bit hugs to poor dd and to you as it must be stressful. 
FW did not get email but phoned. on plus side at least this means he cares about the dcs. i hope.
otoh conversation did involve your lesbian feminist control nonsense. only a misogynist equates lesbian and feminist in the same term. its not men i don't like. just sexist twunts.
Match glad you've taken some time off. I know what a worry it is. But well done to you for having created such a safe environment for her that she can talk to you. If all FW can say is 'well, she says stuff about you too', then I think that shows how much consideration he has for her feelings - more worried about getting one back over on you than about his little girl. - but also that she has you. What about DS, I know he's little, but would you send him to FW if DD wasn't going? DD might worry about him being there on his own, getting the full brunt of the FWittery and not able to say!
Nini, that's awful about your DD, hope she's feeling better soon. Love your doormat comment!
mink glad he's responded, but really it's just the same as ever, it's on his own terms - an apology with an insult thrown in for good measure. Did he apologise at all?
arth funny, I thought of Maggie when I read that thread too. Made me think of her and hope she's doing ok.
Sorry Match, I'm probably not helping, it's just my knee-jerk reaction given how rejected DS1 is and his poor self-esteem as a result of FW. But definitely don't try and knot yourself up about it - speak to someone and get advice from a solicitor/lawyer/health visitor. You don't have to make decisions alone on this. Have a 
and rest.
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