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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sister's housemate wants to bring her father's body to stay at their home for 5 days before funeral. Advice?

490 replies

MumfordandDaughter · 03/05/2013 12:58

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong area.

My sister's just phoned me in bits. She works as a teacher further up North from me on one of the small islands. She shares a house with a fellow teacher/colleague.

The housemate is an only child. Her elderly father died last night and the mother has refused to have his body at their home because she wouldn't be able to cope. She also doesn't want the body to remain at the funeral parlour or go to chapel. So the mother has asked her daughter - my sister's housemate - to have him at her house instead, to which the housemate agreed.

My sister is really uncomfortable with this. Especially as it's going to be an open coffin until the day of the funeral (middle of next week). The housemate plans to hold 2-3 rosaries and the wake at their house, too.

My sister - who is really quiet and usually a 'yes' person - has told her housemate she's not happy with this arrangement, and it will make her really uncomfortable.

The housemate really didn't take this well and it ended with the mother phoning my sister and calling her selfish.

My sister doesn't know what to do. It's a really small town she lives in, with just one very expensive hotel. My parents have refused to loan her the money to stay at the hotel for the week as they feel the housemate should fork up at least half.

My sister also doesn't want to have to move, because it's so far from school/work, and there's no guarantee there'll be any rooms (it's only a 7-room place).

She doesn't know where she stands. It's not a religious difference, as they're both the same religion. it's just the thought of her father's open coffin being in their living room for all that time, and all the family visiting through the week.

My sister and housemate aren't particularly friends, but they've always been civil up until now.

Does anyone have any advice i could pass on?

(I told her to come on here herself but she refused to because she doesn't have children Blush)

OP posts:
Lweji · 08/05/2013 15:33

It should be the funeral today, right?

Maybe we should bury the subject.

;)

Never mind. I want to know what happened too

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 08/05/2013 15:36

Well I can easily imagine her with the exact same 'sniff of superiority' that Hyacinth has. Perfect cast now! Grin

sarahtigh · 08/05/2013 15:53

hyacinth bucket = patricia routledge I am pretty sure

BlueSkySunnyDay · 08/05/2013 16:16

You know if there were some logistical reason why this body had to be put in this house then perhaps I would have some sympathy for the bereaved family as some people have indicated.

BUT "the mother has refused to have his body at their home" and they have insisted not only is the body kept in the home of someone who never knew the deceased but are planning to allow a stream of other people into the property to grieve.

I am SORRY but bereavement does not give you the right to ride roughshod over otherpeoples lives - this situation is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

Not only would I be charging the housemates mother rent over the weekend I would probably play loud music all weekend too - not mature or considerate but i'm quite frankly amazed by this thread.

Your sister shouldnt be upset by us discussing it - I am thinking of her and she has my sympathy. I would suggest she trys an assertiveness course though - I am saying that having lived in house shares and as the queen of passive agressiveness (is that even a word?)

higgle · 08/05/2013 16:30

I'd be standing outside the door turning the coffin away when it arived. There is absoloutely no way I would allow an open coffin into my house.

MinnieBar · 08/05/2013 16:57

Personally, I'm imagining a 'Sean of the Dead'-style horror-comedy cross-over where 'Weekend At Bernie's' meets 'The Wicker Man' and hilarious corpse-and-May-day high jinks ensue?

Nick Wossisface (Simon Pegg's mate) as the funeral director
Derek Jacobi as the deceased (or IS HE?!)
Jessica Hynes as the OP's sister
Dame Maggie Smith as housemate's mum (in her prrrrrrime, of course)
Shirley Henderson as the housemate

And a crowd of thousands (us) as the enraged online masses, with our virtual pitchforks and torches. Caps lock is loaded and ready.

StoicButStressed · 08/05/2013 17:28

Watcha, AndTheBandPlayedOn < waves back btwSmile > & Minnie

Genius one and allGrin

saffronwblue · 08/05/2013 21:28

Ewan McGregor as the love interest (maybe driving the ferry?).
Alan Rickman as the funeral director.

ThreadPirateFanjoBeard · 08/05/2013 21:37

Father Dougal would play the priest, of course. Or Rowan Atkinson reprising his part in Four Weddings: 'and of the father the son and the holy goat."

AmazingBouncingFerret · 08/05/2013 22:05
Grin

All the best mumsnet threads turn into a movie set.

Naomi Watts can be the HOD.

Lweji · 08/05/2013 22:13

And the MN reading, DM journalist, will be... Renee Zellweger. With love interest Colin Firth in tow.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 08/05/2013 22:36

OP's sister needs to be all glasses and ponytail with a buttoned up blouse Grin

Now all we need is a love interest...Hmm

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 08/05/2013 22:38

Whoops didn't read your whole post Lweji Blush Sorry

And Colin Firth can play the submissive yet sympathetic of the two to Dsis's plight, causing drama between journalistic team/lovers, even though there's nothing there.

Watches way too many soap operas

TheCraicDealer · 08/05/2013 22:40

This is an epic thread. EPIC.

We need an update!

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 08/05/2013 22:48

Agreed!

With a full description of appearances so everyone can be cast in the movie.... And The SequelGrin

DizzyPurple · 08/05/2013 23:06

I'm a bit partial to a bit of Colin Firth.. In my imagination anyway! Yes, we've come so far, what happened?!

Inertia · 08/05/2013 23:15

I've been taken aback by a lot of things I've read on MN, but this is in a different league. This is jaw-dropping. Thank goodness your sister found the nerve to speak up.

I've got every sympathy with the bereaved and following family customs for grieving, but I really cannot imagine why you'd want to send your late husband's body and all the respect-paying relatives into the home of somebody you don't know. And why would the mother be freaked out by the body being in her own house, yet not bothered at all by staying in somebody else's house with the body? I still don't understand why the housemate didn't just go back to stay with her mother for the week?

I wonder whether they'd earmarked your sister for the role of tea and sandwich making for all the visiting relatives.

And as for the film- Maggie Smith is a good call for the mother, and I'm thinking Kelly MacDonald for OP's sister. Ewan McGregor as the HoD's husband?

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/05/2013 23:23

Oh definitely the Op's sister with the glasses and buttoned up blouse, who will suddenly be able to be unbuttoned and free her hair because of the handsome priest (Colin Firth).
I'm thinking Winona Ryder for the sister.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 08/05/2013 23:34

Or a young Kate Winslet... She's great at the buttoned up blouse look. Grin

Kiera Knightly is banned unless she plays some jealous cah

Now the best part... Who plays Mumford? Grin

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 08/05/2013 23:48

Jason Isaacs as the landlord, or Mark Strong? Gerry Butler can dig the grave. Cameos by hunky sports stars as the pall bearers.

Ok, I am almost feeling a bit ashamed of myself. I do hope the fellow will rest in peace and that his family can get some closure, and relief from their grief.

It is pretty clear that my enjoyment of this thread rides on the single fact that it isn't happening to me. The Jane Austen quote comes to mind (sorry if I don't get it 100% right): "What do we live for but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn." You can rest assured that I have been laughed at my fair share (and then some).

SauvignonBlanche · 09/05/2013 18:16

Have they buried him yet?

EffieTheDuck · 09/05/2013 18:24

Mumford - Julianne Moore

Bill Patterson - the funeral director

I am working on the love interest but can't see past Dougray Scott.

HOD - Alan Rickman as Snape

StoicButStressed · 10/05/2013 17:46

Right. Now you lot have worked out the cast, before screenplay can be written it needs a denoument?

MUMFORD

WHERE ARE YOU?

DO YOU NEED RESCUING?

IF NOT, THEN PLEASE POST UPDATE

AS IT'S NOT FAIR NOT TO!

coffeeinbed · 10/05/2013 17:52

We must have the Coen Brothers to direct.

pigsDOfly · 10/05/2013 19:27

Came on here expecting an update. Feel so let down now.

Where are you OP.

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