Sister's housemate wants to bring her father's body to stay at their home for 5 days before funeral. Advice?

[MumfordandDaughter]

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong area.

My sister's just phoned me in bits. She works as a teacher further up North from me on one of the small islands. She shares a house with a fellow teacher/colleague.

The housemate is an only child. Her elderly father died last night and the mother has refused to have his body at their home because she wouldn't be able to cope. She also doesn't want the body to remain at the funeral parlour or go to chapel. So the mother has asked her daughter - my sister's housemate - to have him at her house instead, to which the housemate agreed.

My sister is really uncomfortable with this. Especially as it's going to be an open coffin until the day of the funeral (middle of next week). The housemate plans to hold 2-3 rosaries and the wake at their house, too.

My sister - who is really quiet and usually a 'yes' person - has told her housemate she's not happy with this arrangement, and it will make her really uncomfortable.

The housemate really didn't take this well and it ended with the mother phoning my sister and calling her selfish.

My sister doesn't know what to do. It's a really small town she lives in, with just one very expensive hotel. My parents have refused to loan her the money to stay at the hotel for the week as they feel the housemate should fork up at least half.

My sister also doesn't want to have to move, because it's so far from school/work, and there's no guarantee there'll be any rooms (it's only a 7-room place).

She doesn't know where she stands. It's not a religious difference, as they're both the same religion. it's just the thought of her father's open coffin being in their living room for all that time, and all the family visiting through the week.

My sister and housemate aren't particularly friends, but they've always been civil up until now.

Does anyone have any advice i could pass on?

(I told her to come on here herself but she refused to because she doesn't have children )

I so wish this had been in IABU, straight to classics I reckon.

What saffronwblue said, pithy identification of the dynamic driving this astonishing thread.

I don't suppose funeral directors could dump clients the way some parts of the medical profession seem able to do? Let's keep our fingers crossed for Mumford's sister that someone, anyone, will return to retrieve the corpse.

::::: 1-800-zombies on stand by:::: (sorry in advance; I couldn't resist)

It's not over until it's over.

"When I was sharing we'd always check with the others about friends/family staying for the night. One night. And they were alive."

This. EduCated - thank you, the cat's wondering what on earth I'm chuckling about.

Monday has been (!). Any update? (please don't let this end)

I'm glad your sister found her balls!

Well the sister may have found her balls but we haven't found the denoument!

Mumford - your MN viper advisors now just curious beyond words due to sheer incredulity or sit'n NEED an update!

Remember, 'tis MN LAW

I don't understand why the mother is OK to stay in her daughter's house with the body but not to have it in her own house with the daughter there.

Lurks for update.

"Day two in the Mumsnet house. The viewers (a.k.a. US) are waiting to find out whether the recently deceased has arrived so that the waking can begin. We wonder whether the sister made contact with the local parish priest or the undertakers to refuse to accept the deceased into the house. Tune in later (hopefully) for an update from the OP."

If the situation wasn't so serious OP it would actually be funny.

I did have a little chuckle at the "Weekend at Bernies" reference.

DH just asked me what was happening.

this is almost definitely the hebrides

it is the local custom in the islands for body to be in his home ( until recently most funerals were from the home not the church) this would be true whether lewis ( presbyterian) or uist (catholic)

there is one one funeral director in each island

practically all funerals take place within 48 hours unless the body is being bought home from mainland so I surprised at the week wait unless there was autopsy or inquest or waiting for son from canada or similar

everybody knows everything about everybody else

if you are an incomer criticising local customs / culture will go down very very badly but this is not a local custom

I do not know why the housemate is not with her mother in her mothers house because on the islands they are very very good at giving compassionate leave for bereavements and anyone who insisted on a close relative like a daughter working between death and funeral would be severely criticised ( by the way the daughter is also likely to be criticized for not going to be with her mother)

but it is very very unusual for it not to be in his home, it is too long for 5+ days, people would expect OP's sister to be ok with this if the man had lived in the house but he did not they were both renting

on balance this is a case of YA definitely NBU as they (housemate and her mother) are behaving very oddly and not according to custom, hospitality should have been from mother's home, despite knowing a lot about the customs in hebrides I really really can not get why body is not in his own home and why mother can't have it in house but can have it in a different house and then go to be with it just odd very odd

it would have been reasonable to expect your sister to cope with a couple of people sleeping on sofa for night before/ after funeral because of ferries and flights and lack of accommodation on island it would also be reasonable to put up with visitors visiting the sister both now and for a period after the funeral

Hanging around waiting to an update....

Any update?

I hardly ever post, but have been watching this thread avidly. Shamelessly lurking for an update :)

And here.

I don't know anything about island folk, apart from watching "The Whicker Man", but I would have thought the accepted thing would be for the deceased to be laid out in his home, so that people could pay their due respect to him. I can't see how the OP's sister "would upset the locals".

...waits for Edward Woodward to fly in on a seaplane.....

😄At Edward Woodward on a seaplane

That was a smiley face

What with the small island thing and everyone knowing everyone's business, I'm thinking the funeral director's had a fair clue throughout, and simply declined to oblige widow's bonkers plans. Hence the non-arrival of the body on Friday.

I wonder if s/he also inexplicably failed to understand the instruction for an open casket? And some last-minute logistical problem meant the body had to go to the chapel instead?

I'm trying to decide whether this should be the basis for a cruel, spooky movie like Shallow Grave? Or a cosy village sitcom like Doc Martin (only in Scotland)?

What do you think of Keira Knightley playing OP's sister and Miriam Margolyes as the flatmate's mother?

Well done to your sister for sticking up for herself. I had sympathy for the other side until I heard the mother's reaction to your sis when she went round to get her stuff. How dare she expect your sisters room and be so mean spirited in refusing to let your sis use her house! That made me really cross. Please give us an update. I do hope your sister sticks to her guns.

Are we all participating in this wake, even though on a hidden different agenda?

Mother: Shirley McClaine
Her daughter: Lindsay Lohan
Housemate: Emma Watson
Funeral Director: Charles Dance
Deceased: Michael Caine
Town folks: cast ensembles from Doc Martin and Eastenders

Please give us an update, Mumford.

AndTheBandPlayedOn You really did just make me laugh out loud. Charles Dance as the bumbling Funeral director? Wheeze

The mother however could be so many actresses... Too tempted to have evil fun with that though

OP, I see your sister has finally grown a few vertebra, lets hope she keeps developing her spine!

I'm thinking Hyacinth Bouquet as the mum (sorry, can't remember the actresses name).