Sister's housemate wants to bring her father's body to stay at their home for 5 days before funeral. Advice?

[MumfordandDaughter]

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong area.

My sister's just phoned me in bits. She works as a teacher further up North from me on one of the small islands. She shares a house with a fellow teacher/colleague.

The housemate is an only child. Her elderly father died last night and the mother has refused to have his body at their home because she wouldn't be able to cope. She also doesn't want the body to remain at the funeral parlour or go to chapel. So the mother has asked her daughter - my sister's housemate - to have him at her house instead, to which the housemate agreed.

My sister is really uncomfortable with this. Especially as it's going to be an open coffin until the day of the funeral (middle of next week). The housemate plans to hold 2-3 rosaries and the wake at their house, too.

My sister - who is really quiet and usually a 'yes' person - has told her housemate she's not happy with this arrangement, and it will make her really uncomfortable.

The housemate really didn't take this well and it ended with the mother phoning my sister and calling her selfish.

My sister doesn't know what to do. It's a really small town she lives in, with just one very expensive hotel. My parents have refused to loan her the money to stay at the hotel for the week as they feel the housemate should fork up at least half.

My sister also doesn't want to have to move, because it's so far from school/work, and there's no guarantee there'll be any rooms (it's only a 7-room place).

She doesn't know where she stands. It's not a religious difference, as they're both the same religion. it's just the thought of her father's open coffin being in their living room for all that time, and all the family visiting through the week.

My sister and housemate aren't particularly friends, but they've always been civil up until now.

Does anyone have any advice i could pass on?

(I told her to come on here herself but she refused to because she doesn't have children )

Well done to your sister for finding her VOICE!

Maybe she can also find a new love for death metal, or play stuff like

Has your sister read this thread Op?

Wow. Just ... Wow. And what expat said, as a landlord I would be

I am so glad your sister made a stand. Hip Hip Hooray for her! I think she made the correct choice to stay to guard her interests. And I have no doubt your sister will be seen in a better light to the HOD than the roommate will ever be. Perhaps some unforeseen consequences will be coming the roommates way, one can hope.

I hope your dd and dad get well soon.

I'm sorry, but I think I would have laughed in the mothers face had she asked me where she was going to sleep. They are unreal!

Well done to your sister!

Has the house got air conditioning or coolers in place ? I suspect the answer is no so therefore the tenant needs to speak to the landlord ASAP. Also the funeral director needs to be informed. To have a body at home is normal practice for some however not for five days in a house where no provisions have been made for this. I also think your sister needs to grow up and pretty fast. T be taken advantage of is one thing but this is truly horrific. She needs to be made aware if the landlord finds out what has happens she and the other tenant will no doubt be in breach of contract and could quite easily lose the home. I am aware that there is no doubt no policy for dead bodies in the contract but be aware that five days with a dead body and no cooling is not a good mix. Leave a pork steak out on the work top in a normal temp kitchen and see what happens. Embalming the body will only slow this process down a little.

It will not be for five days, because the body is arriving tomorrow.

Good for your sister for standing up for herself. I'd guess that many people will think that the mother has acted very oddly and that this whole episode will reflect badly on her.

Words. UTTERLY. Fail. Me.

For first time EVER on MN

[Even though I AM verbose and discursive personified both in RL & in posts... The 'don't want a stranger in my HOUSE but I expect to BE a stranger in your house and BED... AND that my dead 'stranger' of DH will also 'reside' here...AND that you accept ALL the OTHER 'strangers' (to you) who will be popping in for a peek; a wail; a drink; and a need to piss in your toilet....ALL of THAT has truly robbed me of being able to even BEGIN to articulate ANY kind of proper response]

My jaw and the floor have just met.

Stoic, if MN has an award for self-expression you're getting my vote. Gives thumbs up

5 days.

Really like your name Exit . I don't think I've heard that since I was at school. The Winter's Tale?

Yep. That's me. Shakespeare's only stage direction.

Glad she stood up for herself. I would imagine the funeral director has said no to the body been out ( so to speak ) for five days that's why there has been a delay.

Wonders if their landlord is going to get a new clause in his/her letting contract next time s/he has to sort out a contract...

Wonders how many landlords that habituate on MNet and have seen this thread are rushing out to check their contracts and get a new clause written up for next time they need to issue contracts...

Wonders if this thread could be found a new home in MNet Classics - it's been breathtaking all the way through... (once there's been a final update from OP obviously - assuming her sis gives her one!)

I hope things are getting sorted OP. It seems to me that your sister is probably going to have to move as living with the flatmate after this would be horrible. In her position I would approach the landlord and ask to be let out of the lease early.

I hope she finds a home that she can feel comfortable in.

Geezer Accepts award graciously and with thanks (in spite of fact I genuinely could NOT express much as so by the update!)

Giantpenguin I too hope DS finds a home 'she can be comfortable in'; and, frankly, that should be easy as the bar is set pretty low....

All she needs to do is find a home that is neither shared with truly bonkers selfish people along with entitled relles (am NOT including the DD in that; suspect he would be spinning in his grave - well, WILL be at the point he is lucky enough to escape this wretched situation and BE in a bloody grave with some dignity and away from this UTTER madness); and avoid any funeral 'homes'...

I wonder whether the flatmate is actually usually a quite decent person (albeit messy) but is totally cowed by her bully of a mother, and finds it easier to mess your sister around than to stand up to her own Mum? The passing of the phone to her Mum in the first instance so that the mother could tell your sister how selfish she is is what makes me think that.

It's irrelevant, though, I suppose. Your sister will have to move out after this.

If this is in the Hebrides, it is local custom.

I think it is about understanding how a share house works. If a family member is in a share house, that house does not become part of the collateral available to the whole family, to keep dead bodies in and hold week long wakes.
The flatmate's mother is acting like a mother-in-law and expecting OP's sister to be invested in the family welfare. But share houses do not operate like this and flatmates do not expect to be positioned willynilly as members of the family.

Couthy, it isn't the local custom to take the poor man back to someone else's house for a (potentially) extended period of time without suitable arrangements for properly caring for his body.

Exactly, Saffron, whether it is local custom to have bodies home or not, shared houses are exactly that, shared. One housemate doesn't get to ride roughshod over the rest, let alone their mother doing it.

When I was sharing we'd always check with the others about friends/family staying for the night. One night. And they were alive

EduCated - this:

'And they were alive'