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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Whacking The Wine Witch Round The Chops (With Barry The Squid).

999 replies

Mouseface · 01/05/2013 17:32

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

I'm one of the Brave Babes who's travelling on this wonderful, magical, mysterious Bus, trying to hold onto my sobriety for me, and for my family.

I do drink but thanks to this Bus, I've kicked the vodka addiction into touch and the evil WineWitch has been banished far, far away so I now drink in a controlled manner, One Day At A Time. :)

By that, I mean that just for today, I won't be drinking. Tomorrow, however, I will be because it's a very special occasion. The day after will be dealt with when I wake, and the day after that, the day after etc.....

We're a Bus filled with some fantastic posters, some who drink, some who don't touch a drop ever and some who are on/off drinkers who have lovely warm seats in the side-car, some are hanging onto the roof-rack by the tips of their fingers and trying their best to resist the dreaded WineWitch's charms night after night. But they are trying, and that's all that any of us can do, is keep trying, keep starting again!

So, if you think that you're drinking too much (you probably are) why not come and say hi? We won't bite - unless you ask very nicely, manners cost nothing Wink.

There's lots of seats so pick whichever one you like and have a Brew. Just jump in, we're not a judgemental pack of quiche makers Wink

And here's a bit of light reading for you.... our latest thread and the very first one, the reason we're all here.

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

OP posts:
Shaky · 22/05/2013 10:37

Good morning brave babes.
I went to be at 9 pm last night with a mug of hot choc, bag of monster munch and a twirl bar. I realised I hadn't eaten a thing all day. I was asleep by 10 and slept ok. Still look crap today, my eyelids look like they have had collagen implants as they are so puffy.

Today, we have no electric due to maintainance work. Can only post from my phone. I have been tidying up and sorting out piles of paperwork. Might nip out later to get something to eat.
Dp and I have agreed on a new house rule, no drinking at home or in the week. Our usual routine is to go to the pub for 2 hours on a Saturday afternoon, so this would be the only time I would drink. Normally. I would have wine after putting ds to bed.

Maybe we should just go to the zoo instead!

Shaky · 22/05/2013 10:39

Looking forward to getting to know you all a bit better Smile

babyjane1 · 22/05/2013 11:14

I don't know how to copy and paste but here's my story if some kind soul could add me on the list. Babyjane 42 2 dd's 2 and 13, have Crohn's disease which causes me terrible pain and anxiety, starting medicating with wine, depression kicked in and so did even more wine, want to live live life without thinking about wine every day.

aliasjoey · 22/05/2013 11:31

I don't think faire made it onto the list?

Also, where is sobasoma - not seen her in yonks

curryeater · 22/05/2013 11:34

Obrigada - 50, 4 dd's (aged 17 to 27), separated 16 years, am a binge drinker, once I start I have trouble stopping!

ma,49, mother of two adult dds and one pre-teen DS. Serial offender when it comes to drinking. Record AF is two weeks.works fulltime, rocky relationship with dh, periodically attempts jogging to lose weifht

Mouseface - 38 - DH and DD 14 and Nemo just 4 -disabled full time carer 'training' for a sponsored 2.9km hobble/shuffle - attempting controlled drinking, resorting to abstinence instead when necessary.

Curryeater - 41 - DP and two small DDs - a job in media - attempting abstinence ODAAT

PurpleWolfe 51 Single (sob!) DS 31 - wayward, DD 11 - pre teen, DS - 9 and DS -7. Not working as have enough to do with three children to look after right now. Previous life - well paid PA (now not got enough brain cells!). Alcohol - serial re offender. Longest AF - 7 weeks

Guggs, 42. One ivf ds, teacher and bookworm. After many years on the booze I joined this lovely bus and after a long time of trying to abstain I realised that I can't control; I needed to stop. Sober for 4.5 months with AA. Have no idea if I will drink again or not, hope not.

Greeneyed [age unknown, copped out] Wrote what I though was a succinct and witty intro for me then worried about being identified....

Horses, DH, DS 14 and DD 11. Am comfortable with own drinking but am interested/hugely supportive of those with troublesome relationships with alcohol, have a friend who I believe drinks in an unhealthy way, family friend a recovering alcoholic with AA for 20 years.....

aliasjoey 42, DH and DD (10) and one dog (photo on profile)

Venus, 51 - but looks much, much younger due to lack of alcohol, fount of all wisdom (ha!), 2 grown dc, about to become a grandmother (shit - I must be old!), mostly not drinking at all.

Isinde - 48 permanently tired lesbian mother of twins. Runs own organisation/leadership/people related consultancy Longest dry is 5 weeks shorted is last night.
Crap at name checking and being responsible for continuity...and poetry but thinks otherwise

Fullofhopefulness-52 divorced (would like to meet nice man but wont find 1 as spend most of time on own in own living room). Mother of 2 uni kids. Project manager - being badly bullied by trust senior management because it would suit them best just now if I left as THEY have mismanaged their budgets.

Clutter - 35. Dh, dd 14 ds 3. Work part time as Health Visitor.
Struggle with mortgage, teens & toddler tantrums, sometimes feel lost in the chaos.
Longest AF 12 weeks & felt so much calmer. Currently at 2 weeks & want to be AF forever

Mintyy - 50. Work very part time for a tiny company in a job I really love. Got dh, dd 12 and ds 9. Gradually falling out of love with white wine and slowly reducing overall consumption. Usually do 4 nights a week alcohol free but, annoyingly, occasionally forget all my good intentions and drink a whole bottle to myself and feel shite the next day (maybe once a month or so). Worried about six good friends in rl who I am certain are really struggling with alcohol. Lurk on the bus for inspiration and sobering thoughts.

Ladame -51. DH, DD19. Own catering company, long-time roofrack lurker. Bottle or nothing girl. Try for four nothings a week, would settle for three, usually manage two. Live in rural France where there is FA to do of an evening, hence a couple of hours at the end of the day with DH. Didn't drink much until mid-forties. Would like to have more willpower but am sadly lacking. Great admirer of babes that can abstain for days. Think should add B (for boredom) to HALT. Suffering from menopause and empty nest syndrome.

JWIM 50 recently (it's fine, really it is) DH and two teen DC. Very occasional poster since the first thread - a wonderful support in some dark days and now catch up when I can. Nearly 3 years almost entirely AF after 10 years of increasing consumption (white wine - poison of choice) a bottle plus every night by the end. Abstinence is so much easier for me - very occasional single glass of wine but it does raise my 'I want more, more regularly' thinking and I am mindful that that would only end badly.

Lemonylemon 50 week after next DS 16 week after next, DD 6 in October. Separated from DS's Dad a few years before he died in 2004; widowed (sort of, it was 3 weeks to our wedding day) in 2007. Now just the 3 Musketeers and 2 cats; longest time AF since 2007, 11 days in February. Now on Day 3. Was drinking a bottle of white every night for quite a while. Work in legal (but not employment, unfortunately).

Theala 38, no kids (sore point), on the point of splitting up with bipolar DP. Have been using drink as a way to escape for far too long. Just started anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds.

Shaky - 40, one ds 3.5, community midwife. I have been forced to confront the fact that I am drinking too much. I suffer depression and need to work out whether I drink because I am depressed or depressed because I drink. I am here to try and break the cycle.

Babyjane 42 2 dd's 2 and 13, have Crohn's disease which causes me terrible pain and anxiety, starting medicating with wine, depression kicked in and so did even more wine, want to live live life without thinking about wine every day.

Shaky · 22/05/2013 12:17

Just a quick question, is it better to use AF wine or anything non booze related (eg hot chocolate) in the early days? Does using fake wine just help reinforce the habits and associations with alcohol?

I would appreciate any of your pearls of wisdom you would like to share.

Thank you x

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/05/2013 12:21

Hi.

I drink de-alcoholised wine, but some people find it does reinforce their habits and associations. You also have to be careful about low alcohol wine versus dealcoholised wine. Basically, something that says it has at most 0.5% of alcohol in (which is de-alcholised wine, and they're not allowed to put lower figure on it) won't make your system think it's had anything alcoholic, any more than vinegar on a salad will. But some low-alcohol wine is the same strength as weak beer, and that definitely will!

Sorry if that's obvious, I just got into the habit of reading labels very carefully.

What I think most people do agree is that something a little bit sweet is probably a good idea, because sometimes when you're gasping for a drink, part of what you are wanting is the sugar hit that gives you a pick up (and part is being dehydrated). So stuff like cordial or juice could be a good idea.

I think it is basically a question of trying and seeing, but if you're worried de-alc wine might not work for you, probably best to avoid it.

Shaky · 22/05/2013 12:24

Thank you LRD

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/05/2013 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleWolfe · 22/05/2013 12:29

Personally, Shaky, something other than fake wine works better. Also, have plenty of sweet treats to hand for the first few day as the sudden loss of the sugar, that is in wine, can cause cravings. Try to eat well, drink lots (^non alcoholic!), take vitamins - especially the B variety and avoid having to shop last thing in the day when you might be less determined. (When I manage to be good...)...My drink of choice is sparkly water with either lime cordial or just a slice of lime or lemon - and ice! Go on, spoil yourself.

Thanks for asking about me Baby, Venus and Ladame x

curryeater · 22/05/2013 12:32

hi all

I can't find a potted bio for Faire, is she around? Are you around? Helloooo?

How are you Leviticus? are you still there?

Shaky, I wouldn't bother with low alcohol wine because it is nothing like wine anyway so you might as well just choose a nice drink that is not pretending to be anything, in a rather expensively disappointing fashion. I like fizzy water with lime when it is hot and tea when it is cold. But lots of other people have much more interesting suggestions.

On the other hand, a nice cold no-booze beer can very nice on a summer's day - I think it tastes pretty good, if you like lager in the first place.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/05/2013 12:34

The only de-alc wine that doesn't taste revolting is Torres' 'Natureo', which you can get in Waitrose. It's not cheap. Sorry.

But I mention it because it's actually not awful.

curryeater · 22/05/2013 12:36

Oh ok, I didn't know there was one that was ok - please ignore my post.
How are you LRD?

KittyVonCatsworth · 22/05/2013 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/05/2013 12:39

I'm well, thanks, curry. Obviously the Natureo might only be my personal taste, but I have gone through a lot of the others and they're certainly all vile.

I'm stumbling along a few days at a time ... struggling a bit with DH, who sort of gets it, but is inclined to be an optimist and did come out with the (bless him) monumentally stupid: 'I'm not sure if you could quit totally, I think you'd miss it too much'. Well, no shit, Sherlock.

Ahem. I shouldn't run him down but it struck me as funny at the time.

How are you doing, curry? (She says, after babbling on). It's nice to 'see' you.

aliasjoey · 22/05/2013 13:41

I had a dream last night, I was at a family party and people (my mother or my sister I think) were saying I was drinking too much, or I was drunk... I was replying, No I've cut down, I'm on the Bus, really I'm so much better.

And they were giving me disapproving looks, and I had a hot feeling of shame and embarrassment and anger.

I don't know what it means. I AM drinking less, but still think about wine a lot.

Theala · 22/05/2013 14:11

I remember when I gave up fags, alias, I used to have dreams that I was smoking all the time (and would often wake up crying). I think you just have to give yourself a bit of time to get into the 'habit' of drinking less and you'll eventually stop thinking about it as much.

Guggs, I got my B Vits from Amazon, just because they were cheap and I am lazy.

Shaky, I do the same as Purple with the sparkly water and tea. I put ice cubes and sometimes a sprig of mint in with the lemon/lime as well, so that it seems like an actual drink, rather than just a glass of water. Yes, that is a bit sad, I know. Grin

I'm feeling a bit bleh today. Partner got very shouty this morning (not at me, but over something really stupid) and it made my stress levels soar again. I really think I have to seriously consider the possibility that it's just not healthy for us to live together and that we need to separate for good.

Which causes an avalanche of horrible, panicky feelings that I just want to drown with a vat of wine. Instead, I will go to my pilates class this evening and read my (just getting interesting) book and try not to flip out.

I could really do with an evening out with my friends, but we always go out and get pissed, and I don't trust myself to go out and not drink yet. I have made a date to go for lunch with one friend next week. I don't need a social life at my age anyway, right? Hmm

curryeater · 22/05/2013 14:14

Hi LRD, I know what you mean about the ones that don't get it.
It is silly but I have changed my, ahem, stated objectives to "attempting abstinence ODAAT" (as opposed to controlled drinking) because I have realised that what bothers me about not drinking (right now - the time will come of course when I just want a drink) is the reactions of other people - especially my wine-fuelled family - and I think I need to get the hell over this. Or, in the short term, as I am not seeing them right now, just not think about them.

alias - interesting - I often find my dreams take a while to catch up with my reality (I did not dream about children or babies till a while after I had them despite them dominating my reality, for instance). It could be that your dreams are catching up with the moment when you decided you needed to take a grip.

I dreamed I left my clothes somewhere and came back and they were crawling with cockroaches.

aliasjoey · 22/05/2013 14:22

Shock curry that's horrible!

theala do you still have a dry mouth from the meds? I've found a mouthwash in Boots which helps a bit, although it tastes weird. Like baby oil - not that I've ever tasted baby oil...

Theala · 22/05/2013 14:28

ever so slightly alias But I'm drinking about four pints of water a day, so not as much as before. Baby oil mouthwash sounds, uh, interesting. Hmm

I actually have a dentist-prescribed mouthwash (for gum problems) but it just seems to make my mouth drier. I will just resign myself to living in the loo for the next while. Grin

Isindebusagain · 22/05/2013 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curryeater · 22/05/2013 16:26

losing the house again. dammit.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/05/2013 16:27

?!

What's happened, curry?

curryeater · 22/05/2013 16:36

our mortgage lender keep throwing up pathetic badly explained obstacles. The vendor feels dicked around and wants to pull out and not move at all.
So do I, almost. I really really want the house but I am sick of feeling sick with worry all the time waiting for the next thing to come up, every single day, and then 25 phone calls trying to fix it because nobody working on this will do anything until they have been chased to bastardy and back. I almost want to say "fuck it" and walk away and find another house and a decent lender. But I won't, till we are told we have to, when the vendor finally does pull out.

Frankly, although our lenders are being utter dicks, I am also pissed off that our whole lives are being held hostage to someone's emotionally fraught tantrums (the vendor) - I mean we are so close to sorting this out (or so they keep saying)

I feel like I haven't slept for months. I haven't slept well since we moved (into the temp place)

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/05/2013 16:40

Oh ... this is a house you're buying. For a moment I thought you were saying you'd been thrown out of your house.

It sounds like a horrible situation. You'd think in the current situation a mortgage lender ought to be trying hard to convince you they're trustwothy.