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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dirty little secret....why?

39 replies

SummersComing1111 · 28/04/2013 18:13

Ok im ready for the cold hard truth so hit me straight on with it.

Me and my ex have been back together for about a month i asked him when we was gonna tell his friends, he said he wasnt Hmm his excuse he doesnt want to ruin things , how his mates knowing could ruin things i dont no....

I no deep down its something bad but i think i need to see it to believe it kind of thing

So why am i a dirty little secret and what should i do ??

OP posts:
coffeewineandchocolate · 28/04/2013 18:15

He has a girlfriend or he's using you for sex. Or both. Get rid!

EmmaDale · 28/04/2013 18:19

You split up for a reason ... going back again is generally not a good idea.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/04/2013 18:21

Ex's are ex's often for good reason.

You know it could be bad, why hang around to find out what the truth actually is?. You know he cannot be trusted.

BriansBrain · 28/04/2013 18:24

He can't think very much of you.

There will be a reason why he is keeping you as a secret and it won't be a good one.

McBalls · 28/04/2013 18:30

I would assume that during the split he moaned the ear off anyone willing to listen about everything he's ever disliked about you (real or embellished) which is perfectly normal...the problem is how do you go back on that without looking A) like a fantasist or B) spineless?

Original poster
SummersComing1111 · 28/04/2013 18:35

My runners up were
Using me
Ashamed of me
Or the fact all his mates are single and wants to fit it

Are we sure there are no good reasons?? Just really wanted it to work this time Hmm being daft i no

OP posts:
Original poster
SummersComing1111 · 28/04/2013 19:16

Mcballs, would that still matter if he loved me like says he does?

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 28/04/2013 19:21

Doesn't matter what he says, what he's doing is not love or loving.

When my ex and I got back together, he didn't tell anyone as it was easier for him to arrange trysts with other people

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 28/04/2013 19:31

Soumds iffy - ruin things how, just how long are you expecting to tiptoe around?

Original poster
SummersComing1111 · 28/04/2013 21:02

I thought a month was long enough he hasnt given me a time , just wish i new why???

OP posts:
TheNewSchmoo · 28/04/2013 21:08

If he loved you he'd be delighted you're back together and telling anyone who'd listen.

pinkyredrose · 28/04/2013 21:12

Maybe it's because you write 'no' instead of 'know' and 'new' instead of 'knew' and he thinks his mates would tease him for going out with someone who can't write properly.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 28/04/2013 21:14

Or maybe he is always putting you down with snidey comments.

McBalls · 28/04/2013 21:30

"Mcballs, would that still matter if he loved me like says he does?"

It depends on a lot of things probably...

How long we're you together last time?
We're you openly together, ie his friends/family fully aware of you, you met them all etc?
How long since you split?
Who dumped who and why?

But really all that matters is if its making you feel like shit and his reasons for keeping it quiet don't cut the mustard then you would be doing yourself a disservice by continuing.

beth27123 · 28/04/2013 21:36

Id get out while you can. I had an ex say this for 5 months, went along with it as I was so happy to be back with him (despite that niggling feeling) and then found out he had got back with his other ex too.

Nagoo · 28/04/2013 21:40

The reason will not be a good one.

get out.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 28/04/2013 21:50

pinkyredrose

Did you mean to be so rude???

stainesmassif · 28/04/2013 21:52

Don't be a secret. Very bad for your self esteem.
Pinkyredrose. Are you a)trolling b) rude or c) an enormous wanker?

DiscoDonkey · 28/04/2013 21:56

From a previous similar experience I would say you aren't back together. Sorry.

pinkyredrose · 28/04/2013 21:57

Um why the aggression towards me? I thought it was a perfectly good post.

ThePinkOcelot · 28/04/2013 22:05

You thought wrong then Pinky!

pinkyredrose · 28/04/2013 22:08

Ok I apologise and no I didn't mean to be rude.

Anyway it's painfully obvious that the OP can do better I hope she realises that too.

McBalls · 28/04/2013 22:12

Yes you did, but whatever.

DiscoDonkey · 28/04/2013 22:13

Wow pinkyredrose if you genuinely didn't mean to be rude then please don't post on threads where op's are looking for support, you're really bad at it!

Original poster
SummersComing1111 · 28/04/2013 22:15

Thanks everyone i just needed to see it in black and white i think, i think i was wishful thinking hes my babys dad my first long term relationship before we ended of course, we was together 3 years but i ended it when DS was 10 months because he was cheating.

Since then he has said how much he loves me and it was a huge mistake do gave his a second chance but now this i no im a mug.

Pinky - i may not NO good grammar but i NO how to be polite and kind to people, i believe that thats a higher skill.

OP posts:
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