help me to leave him to enjoy himself

[fatedtopretend]

Name change for obvious reasons. Dp takes a lot of cocaine when he goes out, we do not live together, he keeps that side of his life mainly separate to ours. I have decided to take a step back and not let him know I worry about him on his 'nights' out. Can someone try to give me advice on how to stay away from my mobile phone whenever he goes out? I worry about him dying, getting arrested or getting into fights until it makes me ill but it drives him away. He knows I worry and does try to keep in touch when he's out but he is not the best at remembering to contact me. I want to give him the freedom to not feel guilty about enjoying his time with his friends but have no idea how.

[fatedtopretend]

I am going round once he's had some sleep.

Trying to not break down at the moment.

Been sick a lot this morning, I don't want to have to leave him.

[Eastpoint]

Try to stay strong & leave him. You deserve better than this & so does your DD. You can't fix him & you don't need to try.

Good luck.

[GreyWhites]

This is very sad fated. But you must know that no-one ever changes for someone else. They have to do it for themselves.

Very often people just need a big kick up the arse to actually change, so you have to hope that this might be what he needs to see how destructive his behaviour is. Try to stand firm. You can't go on with your life like this. I completely understand the way that lifestyle goes, and have been there myself, but if he's at the point where he's letting you and your daughter down, and the worry is eating into your own peace of mind, something has to change.

Good luck.

[TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff]

Good luck.My ex is like him. Do I still love him? Kinda. I still, 4yrs later, miss snuggling on the sofa, watching something. I still miss the good days, him making breakfast in bed, giving me a kiss, whatever. But the bad days when he took coke were a whole lot worse and although he loved me, he loved coke more. It will be hard to leave. Run fast away from this relationship, but it's incredibly hard to make yourself go, the psychological barrier, but when you break that, and get out of it, then it's so much better.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Good luck lovely. You know it's never going to change, don't you. I know it hurts, but you will have to do it at some point. You can't hang on indefinitely hoping he will sort himself out. For one thing he has no intention of sorting himself out for anything or anyone, and for another, this journey you are on with him is bringing you way down. You need to detach.

Cuddles and smells and watching tv together, they fade. It hurts for a while then time by time all the bits you miss get replaced with other things and you stop missing them. You will be fine in the end. Break ups are hideous but it's a short term pain.

[Figgygal]

Christ get as far away from him as possible!!

[fatedtopretend]

What if he says he'll stop?

I am clutching at straws I know.

[Chubfuddler]

He almost certainly will say that. Do you believe him? Nothing changed after April. Why would it now?

[Doha]

Of course he will say he will stop. He said it before and you stayed-so what is different this time?

[joblot]

He wants to have his cake and eat it. Or coke and snort it. Work on your self esteem and get rid

[mypussyiscalledCaramel]

You are not his priority, coke is.

He doesn't worry about you, is not concerned about your feelings.

His priority is coke, his worry is coke.

How do you know he's not taking it at other times?

All that will happen is, you will watch him fall apart, get deeper into his addiction and there will be nothing left for you.

He is the one that has to get out of this.

You sitting back just gives him more opportunities to have his fix.

I would personally find out all I could about his DOC, then find a forum such as soberrecovery.com and ask your questions on there.

[Viviennemary]

Sorry not to be more positive. But this is obviously making you really stressed and unhappy. Which is absolutely natural. If he isn't going to give up his drug habit I can't see this changing. I don't think the answer is try to train yourself not to worry. Being worried about this is a commonsense reaction.

[fatedtopretend]

I'm getting more and more worked up waiting to go round.

I wish he would wake up

[ChippingInHopHopHop]

What if he says he'll stop?

What if I said 'pigs fly'?

Both are equally believable.

You owe your daughter and yourself more than this?

Does your daughter deserve you dying through using some bad shit on a night out? Does she deserve you being with this loser? Does she deserve you being stressed out all the time?

Do you deserve to be dragged back into taking drugs?

Do you deserve to be worried when he's out?

Do you deserve to be in a relationship where he lies to shut you up?

Do you deserve to be in a relationship where he's too off his head or coming down to spend weekends with you & DD?

Wise up my love - you can leave him & I know you don't believe it, but your life will be better.

[ChippingInHopHopHop]

Go round now, get your stuff and leave - you don't even need to wake him up.

[ChippingInHopHopHop]

Just don't take DD with you.

[fatedtopretend]

He is awake, I'm dropping dd off then going round, sick again

[RenterNomad]

That's a terribly sad history of relationships. Good luck with making life a bit happier today....

[Jaynebxl]

How did it go?

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

At first you said you just wanted advice on how to feel less stressed. You haven't said what made you give him the ultimatum.

If it's 'just' that the stress of the drugs use was so bad you couldn't be happy with him, then that is still a good reason to split up.

[tightfortime]

I've read all of this and wish you well as you move on, I truly hope you do.

I've been abandoned literally, in a foreign city with few friends, by a man who chose his gear over me. Zero self esteem allows that to happen.

Think of DD, would you want his for her when older? Of course not. She's worth way more than that, right?

So, why aren't you worth more too? You are, you know.

Happier times ahead with the cuddles and the Corrie, but with a real man who has his priorities right.

[fatedtopretend]

Still going on :(

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

What is still going on fated?

[fatedtopretend]

Talking, so many tears, this is hard.