help me to leave him to enjoy himself

[fatedtopretend]

Name change for obvious reasons. Dp takes a lot of cocaine when he goes out, we do not live together, he keeps that side of his life mainly separate to ours. I have decided to take a step back and not let him know I worry about him on his 'nights' out. Can someone try to give me advice on how to stay away from my mobile phone whenever he goes out? I worry about him dying, getting arrested or getting into fights until it makes me ill but it drives him away. He knows I worry and does try to keep in touch when he's out but he is not the best at remembering to contact me. I want to give him the freedom to not feel guilty about enjoying his time with his friends but have no idea how.

If you can't leave him for your sake leave him for DD's sake.
Be a decent parent and take her away from this idiot who -when the choice was to be made-chose weed over both of you.

You both but especially DD deserves better

You can start rebuilding your self-esteem when you've left this situation. Living with addicts reduces your self-esteem to zero. Leave and you can rebuild.

Do you want your DD to be saying, 'I was brought up by a drug addict' in twenty years' time?

He's not even her father, is he?

Why don't you need the LTB comments? Because you know they're right?

I don't need the ltb comments because it is decided, I'm doing it.

I need the strength to do it when I see him. I stupidly thought I could spend my life with him and naive as I may be, it is still going to hurt to leave him.

I don't have many rl friends, I'm quite a loner nowadays.

I really believed him. My heart hurts and I can't even think about how to do it. I wish he could just be him without the coke.

Sorry, forgot to add, no he is not her father. Her father is truly far more vile than he could ever be (although dd will never hear this from me as that is for her to decide if she ever wants to meet him).

It sounds as though you need someone who doesn't do drugs now, but who did, so he will not judge you and your past, and so you know he has the willpower to change himself.

That's a fine ideal, but it's worth spending time single, to gain an equilibrium and centre yourself, so you can't be dragged off balance.

I have no plans to be in a relationship again after this!

Basically I got with him 6 months after I was raped, I had sworn myself to celibacy following it and we clicked, he made me feel safe and everything felt right.

I will be on my own from now.

Your story mirrors mine exactly. Lost.my.virginity to a rapist and raped again in twenties. Relationships with druggies and.fuck wits ensued. Two terminations.
Im worried about you because i think youll do what i did and.cling on and on until he loses patience with you and dumps you.
Apologies for typos - on phone
x

I am just so sad.

I can't put it into words.

I trust him implicitly which is the worst thing.

I am not bothered about being alone, I am bothered about giving him up.

I want to add support. And say hard as it is, he clearly prioritizes his bachelor lifestyle to family life. And most cokeheads are tossers, but I guess you know that.

I've been through a range of relationships, it's hard but if you can get rid of the Disney view we all have then you'll see that relationships end but new ones start and maybe one day you'll meet someone more compatible.

Good luck op

The night I met him he was chasing me incessantly, it was my leaving do from work and my old boss text me asking if his friend could come. I basically took the piss out of him the while night and he called me on it many drinks in. I told him everything. He got mad as ex boss had mentioned me without naming when I'd had to take time off work after rape. He said 'trust me' and I did. No question.

So sad.

Whole, not while

Your daughter trusts YOU implicitly. Sometimes adult relationships have to come second.

You thought he would be your protector?
Every coke user puts coke first.

This is the one thing I'm proud of myself about, dd only knows him as a friend of mine, she isn't attached, I'm so glad I didn't involve her with him much

Have you ever done coke with him OP?

Yes

Is that stopping you leaving? Do you do it sometimes now? Im realky not.having a go, i do know what youre going through. But i do.t think youre in.a good place at the moment and whatever you think, youre not doing well by your little girl.

Whenever I have a weekend babysitter (once every few months) I will do it with him.

I know this isn't good after years of being off it.

At the moment all I am thinking is what will I do without my daily piss take/his smell/cuddles on the sofa. How will I watch the returned? How will I watch coro?!

I know it sounds trivial but he is such a part of my every day life.

I took recreational drugs a lot in my late teens/early twenties. Even after I stopped I was very much of the it did me no harm, I had an amazing time and grew out of it camp. Now I can see the immense damage it did. It stopped me gaining real self esteem, it affected my work and like many young 'recreational' drug users my alcohol intake is unhealthy. Going on days long benders is no good. Your perception of real, normal life becomes hopelessly distorted.

I'm trying to realign my whole life, no alcohol, stimulants or downers. I'm a lot older than you and its only been in the last year that things have become clear. I wish I'd never touched the stuff. I wasn't an addict but it distorts your mind anyway.

He isn't something special, someone who transcends a humdrum existence with coke. He is pathetic and places a night out getting coked up above you and your DD.

You both deserve a hell of a lot better.

What you need is a bit of counselling and support. You've clearly had some rough times, and I rather expect that your childhood was affected by either an addict in the family or an abuser - at some point you got taught to feel powerless and to believe that if you are a 'good girl' and offer enough 'love' ie unconditional submission then people will be nice to you. That isn't true. You deserve to be treated with kindness and courtesy, and an addict will offer you neither. You do not have to put up with abuse in order to be 'loved'.

He's just got in.

Feeling sick.

Been there done that. Listen to me - run. Run very fast. There is no future in this relationship. None that you would want anyway.

Just read rest of thread. I never used.

So you're being sucked back into drug use. You have a child.

You must be completely mad. Watch coronation street on your own FFS.

You ok? Xx