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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dating thread no 52

999 replies

BillMasen · 26/04/2013 15:11

The first one started by a bloke?

OP posts:

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spenceuk · 27/04/2013 16:07

so i was out for a few drinks after work last night and got chatting to a nice lady.

We had a lot in common and having a giggle etc. We had a bit of a snog but when she had to leave i asked for her number and then she told me she had a boyfriend. Was that a fob off or was she just being unfaithful?

JulietteMontague · 27/04/2013 16:09

Spence either. Who cares, you had a snog. Honorary Jezebel Badge level 1, you're on your way.

ALittleStranger · 27/04/2013 16:14

Spence, who knows? None of us can tell you and it doesn't make any difference as she doesn't want to progress things.

First rule of getting back into the dating game. Don't analyse anything if the answer can't help you.

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 16:16

Yeah your right i shouldnt over analyse it but glad to hear im now an honoray member

Bant · 27/04/2013 16:18

Spence - I agree with Stranger. It doesn't really make any difference whether she was just making up an excuse or not. You had a snog, you enjoyed it, don't overanalyse so much. Save the analytical powers for something which means a lot more in the future, there's no point wasting them on a situation you can't do anything about.

Still. Nice one mate :)

Bant · 27/04/2013 16:19

What's the male equivalent of Jezebel? Don Juan? Casanova?

Bant · 27/04/2013 16:19

John Major?

Flipper924 · 27/04/2013 16:23

Rasputin?

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 16:23

i definitely enjoyed it and i suppose there's going to be lots of ups and downs while single.

I find it much easier talking to people face to face than i did while trying to chat to people on a dating site.

VelvetSpoon · 27/04/2013 16:26

wine that all sounds really positive! :)

snape I can see how the waking up alone, on top of all the other entirely unrelated but stressful life stuff would maybe feel worse than it is...honestly though I am sure all is well.

And the wanting to know a bit where things are going, I get that totally. I have had many a daydream about my future, and can see it unfolding like a film to the extent that (Kin this may make you feel better) when I was with the lovely Ex not only could I clearly picture our wedding and the house we'd live in, I even knew what I'd call the baby we'd have once I'd persuaded him to get his vasectomy reversed . The fact I haven't yet whiled away hours contemplating any sort of a happy ever after with C is a bit of a departure for me, hopefully in a good way.

Bant · 27/04/2013 16:30

lots of ups and downs while single

I'm not saying a word

SPsYoniTheOneAndOnly · 27/04/2013 16:30

I'm back!

Went to the party last night. I ended up having to take the toddler. There was a whole rugby squad there and all I could do was apologise to them for the 3 year old trying to drag some to dance and play. So didn't pull at all but the toddler made friends

Sparky got in touch Thursday and asked if wanted to meet for a drink tonight but I haven't heard anything today so doubt it.

That's it for now. I'm not getting anywhere it seems

JulietteMontague · 27/04/2013 16:32

Don Jez?

Thinking about it, I know if a relationship is significant if I can visualise a future.

Bant · 27/04/2013 16:34

And Spence - talking to people on dating sites can be interesting, and fun. It's when you meet them in real life and realise they're so much more interesting and fun that you know you're on to a winner. When it's less easy to talk to them, that's when you move on.

But some people you can connect with online, it's easy to chat, and it just gets better when you meet. Early days.

Bant · 27/04/2013 16:35

Are you visualising a future in Holland, Juliette?

JulietteMontague · 27/04/2013 16:38

Snape my previous post on angst sounds heartless, it wasn't meant to be. More that we all do it at some point and usually there is nothing wrong.

Bant · 27/04/2013 16:38

I think it's got to be Don Juanabel. Can't remember how many points I have. Is it like Dungeons And Dragons?

lubeybooby · 27/04/2013 16:45

Hello all just quickly checking in with a skim read and a place mark

it's all still going on here big time... omg the stress... will be worth it in the end though - maybe all a bit sooner than I thought too looking like a couple of weeks now for the new premises rather than a month. Eeeeeeek!

Still not smoking, still not stuffing face. yay me!

Velvet, yay for a night with C, hope he gets you a really lovely pressie

Snape - talk to him - there's being needy and theres necessary conversations Don't try and work it all out yourself... I only end up kicking myself for being a ninny when i do that. Talk to him :)

Bant - yes i think the slagging off exes is a red flag whether it's the ex bf or ex gf doing the slagging. Especially on date one or two, and if they started the conversation/train of thought etc.

mercury7 · 27/04/2013 17:05

bad mouthing people just makes the bad mouther look bad..it's undignified and crass

also if someone tells me alot of stuff about terrible ex's I start to think they are the type who attracts alot of drama and hassle

Snapespeare · 27/04/2013 17:18

I'll talk to him if it's still bothering me next Friday. I'm also on my period and my hormones are feeling a bit fritzy. :)

juliette no, not at all, I curled in behind him, he held my hand, there was a bit of pleasant sleepy 'church' kissing (a la 'the wedding singer' church-kiss) I'm thinking he was just a bit zoned out. It's just coincided with me feeling a bit needy out-of-kilter. And you werent at a,l heartless. Tsk! :)

Feel a bit better. He's scrabbled me. Going to have a fab bath and then DW and my weekly carb-a-thon of PIZZA! & gin & I will hide my phone if I'm feeling a bit hormonal and gin-sodden. :)

WarmFuzzyFun · 27/04/2013 17:32

Bant - international man of mystery - I have taken the liberty of copying your advice to Snape (which I think is spot on) for whenever I get to that place and need a little 'verbal crash carping'

Anyways FWBs are whatever you want them to be I think. It's a broad church. I am sort of casual dating/let's see what happens/fwb plus . Lab is sweet and as my dear mother would say my fanny is leaping! (no crash carp required...yet)

I have been 'naughty' in that I am still exchanging texts/mails with Mr Back Burner (tasty photos) but then he is in another country for another week...(Bant is that you? joke) But I am not naughty as I haven't and don't want yet to have the conversation with Lab yet, too soon and Bant's advice is applicable.

But I am kind of sofa-ed for the time being albeit with Lab and Tasty Photos (renamed!)

OhWesternWind · 27/04/2013 17:33

If I have a snog tomorrow, can I be in the club too?

Excited already!!! Carp is going to be needed tomorrow I think. Got a feeling there will be a bit of action. Or maybe a lot. I need to calm down.

I try not to talk about exes for a while - if I'm asked direct I'll tend to give some simple explanation so about Titto I've said in the past "Oh he was seeing other women" which is true, but very far from the whole truth. That's for much later on. I don't like it when men bad mouth their exes on the first date or at all really unless something spectacularly awful has been done to them, but it's always tended to be tit-for-tat sniping about divorce settlements, access to children etc and is just petty shit.

Should have taken note of this with LM - lots of very bitter talk about his ex right from date number one.

Indie has exactly 50:50 shared child care, all sounds very reasonable and sorted and that I like.

Nothing from the Reappearing Engineer since I said last night I'd go for a drink with him. How odd. And nothing from the Italian - keep worrying that he's going to pop up again. I think that date really shook me up a bit, very good reminder to everyone (me included) to be sensible about basic safety precautions. I would not like to have found myself alone with him.

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WarmFuzzyFun · 27/04/2013 17:40

OWW I think at some point everyone has one of those dates, which as you say reminds you that you need to have one eye one safety and don't let your guard down too soon. I had a really creepy one last summer, who is still sending me questionable emails...

Indie sounds nice...POF is he? I think inspite of the weeding required POF has a wider range/more normal men than the advertised websites eg Match, Eharmony, et al.

WarmFuzzyFun · 27/04/2013 17:41

Obviously I retract that with regard to those of you who found your lovely, lovely partners on Match and Eharmony!

KinNora · 27/04/2013 18:18

Nothing constructive to add as I've been being plied with booze at my neighbours'. Hic. Ah luuuvv you alllllll.

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