Dating thread no 52

[BillMasen]

The first one started by a bloke?

right. Explanations for most of your points.

*Did not offer to contribute to the cost of the shitload of booze I bought
Cheap tosser. Even if he's skint it would be the polite thing to at least offer.

*Believes that relationships are all doomed to fail
Probably they are, if he's in it.

*Spent 2 out of the 4 nights in a massive slump (inc hours laid in the bath feeling sorry for himself with the occasional 'come chat to me?' message to me in the other room)
Self-indulgent idiot who thinks the world revolves around him

*Did not kiss me unless it was deemed a 'specia momentl', despite gazing at me like a fucking puppy all weekend
He wants you to be grateful for him deeming to give you a kiss. V high opinion of himself

*Believes women are 'all fucked up' (tgia was my particular favourite).
No more than men are. And maybe he's contributed to some of that. Judging women as a single class and classifying their behaviour as such is a sign of immaturity.

Being unhappy you didn't share stuff on his terms and according to his schedule - what a tit.

As for the other stuff, it doesn't make him a nice person. I have a cousin who 'cares' for his mum, and gets benefits for it and everything. He is, however, a thieving little toerag who regularly steals from her, has hit her in the past, and basically is working out how to keep her house for himself when she dies. Being a 'carer' doesn't automatically make you a decent human being.

Hahahaha. You've 'ruined him for all women' bollocks I'd absolutely high Five you for that if I actually gave a flying fuck about his opinion.

Don't feel shit tomorrow. Feel amazing because you've dodged a bullet.

Wine - shudder - what an awful manipulative, self pitying, self indulgent, self absorbed fuckwit.

Kin & OWW - I'm not sure why he felt compelled to over share his medical history - he even went on to tell me how his marriage failed because he didn't want children in case he popped his clogs early like his father and grandfather - late 40s/ 60s though, so feel he may have been a bit overly cautious there. Call me shallow, but I'd rather hoped for chat of a slightly more lighthearted nature!

I am far too wimpy to say no to someone's face - I did a, mmm, yes, probably type thing.

Wine - fuck him and his bellend-centred world view, there are bacteria with a more attractive personality than him.

He sounds a total dipstick Wine. Hopefully he has been ruined for all other women so no one else will have to suffer him again.

Am watching Masterchef and marking an exam paper. Better go on with it really as at some point Mr Nice will come round for his presents and possibly a bit more Although I am concerned I am a little grumpy as would like to be having dinner with him and there was no question of me not being here but still a bit wishing I could be rather than not.

That makes not a lot of sense. Need to shake myself out of grumpiness

Wine he sounds like an utter gobshite, get rid. It is always hard to end anything, because that little voice is always saying 'maybe he'll change, maybe it's just me imagining things, it's not that bad', I had to learn the hard way to tell that voice to STFU.

Splish, the ailments list sounds very alluring . NEXT

Thanks for the encouragement OWW , have you been enjoying any more Doolittle? It's nice to hear that you are shy too, I always imagine you guys are super confident.

Well, I have 3 dates lined up this week! MrGoodChat tomorrow, just a quick cafe in a shopping centre (not quite the glamour of Jules first date with Hollandish chap), another one with MrAttractiveButNonSparkyChatButThenImprovedABitOnTheChatFront on BH Monday. I think I shall call him MrAttractive from now on.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma with the 3rd guy, he is the one I mentioned ages ago who uses tons ov txt spk, despite being a highly educated professional. I just can't get a sense of him from his messages, but he is rather attractive. I can't put my finger on it. Don't know whether to commit to the date or not.

Bloody hell, once again OD surprises me with some of the strange people (I'm not saying "men" as I know Bant has had his fair share) it throws up. I shouldn't be surprised, but I am.

Wine, that is absolutely horrendous. How did you tolerate spending all that time with him when he was behaving like that? Appalling. Uuurgh. You've not done anything wrong at all and I'm shocked that he's treated you like that.

Splish bit of a dud, then. Oh dear. I know what you mean, though - I was far too chicken to tell the creepy Italian that I didn't like him. I would never, ever ask anyone to their face if they liked me. In fact, I don't think I'd ask that full stop, shows a great lack of awareness.

Good things are going on for me with Indie. I actually think he might be a real live nice person . . . maybe not, but I am hopeful. Nice person + (potentially but early signs are good) hot sex is a winner for me.

Not sure that I am such a nice person, still texting on and off with the Reappearing Engineer, but it's getting a bit tedious. He's asked me out for the third time (despite me saying yes the first and second times) and also asked to chat on the phone. I've not replied because I cba tonight and also I suspect it will make him run off again, and I also cba with that. And I am not phoning any bugger ever. (However, he is rather good looking so might get a chance after all, just to see, so I'm not wondering forever after). I would not be comfortable seeing him after I've been to bed with Indie (which may or may not be on Sunday, eek), that really would be bad two-timing stuff in my eyes - yes, I know about all the stuff about being free to see other people until you both say otherwise, but that's never felt right to me once you get past a certain point - so I'm not going to do it. Any thoughts about what I should do here?

OWW nice person and hot sex vs tosspot timewaster. Hmmmm, what to do?.

I am firmly in Team Indie .

Delurks...

Winefield...he is doing you a favour really he is. Just going out with a man like that would make you feel like you continually have to apologise for just 'being' a woman.

Run for the hills...

Three dates Hey - there's no hanging about with you is there? They are all sounding good. I think I would be tempted to see the text speak one too, see what he is like in person. The disconnect between the online persona (and the imaginary person that we all build up in our heads before we meet someone) can be quite jarring, so do be prepared for that. Sometimes it is good, though, but it does take a bit of readjustment to realise that this is what they're actually like, voice, mannerisms, smell, laugh, all that.

I find I am less shy on dates than I might be in other social situations because I know that they are (at least potentially) interested in me and available, and that does make things easier. I also tend to meet for a drink as that helps too, but the whole process has actually helped me realise that I might be less socially crap than I had thought.

Doolittle (thank you!), early Kings of Leon and Vaccines today - I have ninety minutes/two hours in my car each day so it's my main chance to listen to music and get my head straight and think about men.

Bloody hell Wine what an utter knobjockey. He needs to fuck a very long way off, and stay there. Forever. It probably isn't much consolation yet but honestly you have had a lucky escape, that sort of man would just be a leech of both the emotional and financial kind.

Hey well done for arranging a couple of dates. It will seem hugely daunting at first, but it gets easier (and hopefully better, unless you're me!) with time :)

Western the engineer sounds flaky to me, even if you do arrange a date I wouldn't put it past him to cancel beforehand, or disappear after. I have had loads of vanishers, and that sporadic contact, but always asking for (and never arranging) dates rings alarm bells with me. Not telling you to put all your eggs in one basket re indie BUT I don't think the engineer would be a good backup tbh.

Wine, everyone's said it better than I could. Not a nice person.

Hey, go you! OWW's right, once you get over the initial panic about meeting a complete stranger, it does get a lot easier. Have fun!

Bant, glad the key return went ok. Shame it ended on a slightly sour note, but it sounds like it was amicable enough that you could catch up next time she's in town.

Kirsty, happy birthday! Sorry I'm late to the party, is there any cake left?

Hello everyone else. I'm tired, going to have an early night, I think.

Winefiend, just read your latest post. Please dont tell me he is yet another man who is into some wierd and wacky conspiracy theories?

Oh, and happy birthday Kirsty, Juliette I am really jealous and OWW I am really happy for you...and [waves] to everyone else.

As you all know I am still plodding on with work, well I say plodding but the correct word would probably be 'hammering it' as I hope to be looking for somewhere new to live at the end of this month. Ex got a job, and lasted 6 weeks before he got the sack and most likely on purpose too. This relationship has been a hard slog in every possible way, so I will no doubt be on the sofa for a while even when I do move out.

But I am happy to live vacariously through all of you until I am ready.

.

Hello Rose - how's the job and your exciting plans going? Hope you're managing okay and everything is well.

Thank you Velvet and the rest of Team Indie! Why would people keep asking for dates and then not following through, though? Just to prove to themselves that they can get someone to go out with them or what? The engineer seems flaky to me too, don't know why I am entertaining him apart from the fact that he is very attractive from his photos and I like to have some potential back up in case everything goes wrong on Sunday

Lovely, nice Indie is going to cook me a veggie meal, no fuss or palaver about it. This I like.

Thanks for your encouragement all

Winefield, just read your latest, bloody hell he is a gem isn't he. He sounds hugely manipulative, no wonder you were doubting yourself, it's natural when someone acts in such a bizarre shitty way. Total headfuck. Be gentle with yourself.

Yeah, I think I will meet MrTxtSpk OWW, thanks for your warning about preparing for the difference between real and online, I am totally guilty of thinking I 'know' someone from a few messages, and it's good to be reminded that I don't! Can I recommend Violent Femmes album, I think it's just called Violent Femmes. It's the one with Blister in the Sun on, and is getting a lot of play here at the mo.

Happy birthday Kirsty!

The asking for dates and not following up...could be one of several reasons:

they are just looking for an ego boost/to prove they can 'pull' - at least some of this group I think are also not entirely single

they are juggling dates with several women at the same time, if one looks promising backing off from the others, then contacting them all again if that one doesn't work out

some other, but more genuine reason - they are just disorganised, have issues, scared of the whole dating process, whatever.

I have ones who ask for dates, disappear once you say yes, then reappear, ask again, disappear again. Ones that arrange dates then cancel, and then either disappear immediately, or as soon as they've rearranged, or that just keep rearranging and cancelling til all patience is lost!

(how horribly cynical do I sound?!)