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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The train has departed Loserville - Next stop Happy Town.

996 replies

LoserNoMore · 23/04/2013 19:06

Just went to post on my other thread but it's full already!

I'll attempt to link it but I'm on my phone so probably won't work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1726699-Last-train-to-Loserville-Part-2

Excuse the cheesy title, my brain won't work. Just going to read last few replies on old thread.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 25/04/2013 08:22

Yeah, if it hadn't been her, it would probably have been someone else. It may have been someone else before her and will almost certainly be someone else after her.

The responsibility lies squarely with him. She has made some terrible decisions but they were decisions she was free to make and she will have to deal with the consequences of her mistakes.

But he was the one who was married. He was the one who lied. He was the one who risked his health and yours, lnm. Don't want to scare you but, let's face it, he could have infected you with something like HIV and then where would that leave your girls?

He did all that. And if he hadn't done it with her, he would have done it with someone else because a man like that obviously gives no thought to consequences and no acknowledgement of marriage vows. Exactly what did he think 'forsaking all others' meant I wonder!

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 25/04/2013 08:38

Great email, LNM, just right.

I hope it makes him feel like the shit he is.

When, late at night you feel most alone, try and remember that the alternative at the moment would be him sitting there, with his pathetic lies and excuses. Think evenings alone really are preferable. At least you can spend them doing exactly what you want. If he was there you would spend the evenings thrashing over your marriage and his affair and it would simply be torture.

Have a good day all x

AThingInYourLife · 25/04/2013 09:12

I hadn't copped that he was with OW when he had claimed to be working and so unable to see his daughters.

Jesus Angry

I guess the thing that has changed since a few weeks ago is that now you know what kind of man he is.

Before then love and trust made you blind.

lazarusb · 25/04/2013 09:35

Just to be clear - I wasn't making excuses for ow. Sorry if it came across like that Blush That was just my friend's rationale. I still think it's a disgusting thing to do on her behalf and on the husband's. People in that situation are there through their own choice & I have no sympathy for them.

I agree that bitterness is a waste of your time & energy but it's better to vent & have a go about them both on here than in front of them or dcs IFYSWIM? (You haven't as yet, your behaviour has been dignified & an example to us all!). Sometimes you just need an outlet to be angry. It's safe to do that here.

ladyjadie · 25/04/2013 10:08

I wonder why the vision of what the OW is lacking (stable loving DH, dad) doesn't immediately change in her eyes when he proves himself to be the opposite? Because her self esteem is so low it feels like she wins? Because she's so deluded that she can't see her own irony? Whatever.

LNM that email was so good, angry but the cold sort of anger that would make a child an idiot man realise it's serious (in a don't fuck with my kids way iykwim) rather than screaming wronged wife way that would just give them fuel for the 'see what she's like??' fire. I am interested to see what he has to say to that. He'll actually have to think Shock of a reasonable Shock response, so you've made it a lot harder for him in his fantasy idiot world . I hope you feel a glimmer of satisfaction for that at least. (small things)

ladyjadie · 25/04/2013 10:11

Oh and as we're in share mode I'm having a horrible flare-up of IBS(D) at the moment so most of my MNing is being done in my bathroom thank fuck for iPhones Hope your cys has cleared up and your thrush Louly (I read 'tears' as in eye crying tears, which it may as well be by the sounds!)

Loulybelle · 25/04/2013 10:16

Lady, it nearly was tears, having massive splits in your fanjo and back passage. Oh and i can also relate to IBS, december i had crippling stomach cramps that felt worse than labour. Yes, im have a crap time, now i have horrid Hayfever, if i was a horse, they'd have put me out of my misery already.

bleedingheart · 25/04/2013 10:17

Great email. I think what else upsets me about this situation is that he knows you don't have a support system yet he is happy to leave you with the three girls day after day to cope alone whilst dealing with the fallout from HIS affair. It shows such little care and compassion.
I'm saddened by his parents attitude to. You have behaved impeccably with great princi

I think many women think its a competition and she might think she's won but at what cost?

Hope everyone's undercarriages feel better soon!

bleedingheart · 25/04/2013 10:18

Great email. I think what else upsets me about this situation is that he knows you don't have a support system yet he is happy to leave you with the three girls day after day to cope alone whilst dealing with the fallout from HIS affair. It shows such little care and compassion.
I'm saddened by his parents attitude to. You have behaved impeccably with great principles

I think many women think its a competition and she might think she's won but at what cost?

Hope everyone's undercarriages feel better soon!

bleedingheart · 25/04/2013 10:19

Weirdly lost a word in first post, sorry about that!

Keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 25/04/2013 12:31

Marking my place to come back later.

LNM, you are such an amazing inspiration to all the women on here who have STBXH!

Sorry to say it but I was almost waiting for OW to announce she was pregnant. Seems to be the case quite often in these kind of situations as a way to lure him back if she thought he might be getting back with you?
Who knows what shit he has been feeding her, before the 'pregnancy' he may have been telling her that you two were going to work it out?

Sorry if this sounds awful but I wouldn't be surprised if she has a 'miscarriage' soon.

Big hugs LNM, you are doing amazingly well! xx

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 25/04/2013 13:36

Still no response to the email. Why would there be? He has no excuse, can't see him apologising and admitting he done a shitty thing.

Bleedingheart, your 1st paragraph is the hardest part to deal with really. He knows I have no family, his family were my family. Selfish arse.

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 25/04/2013 13:59

sadly these men can't have any empathy or understanding of what we are going through, because then they would have to admit that what they did was wrong. My XH bangs on that we should be friends for DD's sake. Well, I am still hurting too much to want to be friends with him. Its all so that he can feel better, not for my benefit..... If he really wanted us to remain friends then he didn't need to walk out with no warning one day did he..... he didnt need to be texting another woman all the time.....

and your X is the same. He cannot admit that he is a complete and utter shit, therefore he will not respond, or he will respond in a shitty way.

My X took three weeks to respond to my last email..... pretty shitty when you think that he manage to text OW all day long. Its also pretty shitty that they put OW before their kids, but they do it time and again because OW has such a grip on them that they cannot see anything else.

you are doing so well, just keep on, one day at a time for now

Loulybelle · 25/04/2013 14:25

My ex isnt with the other woman, he just happens to be a shit dad.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 25/04/2013 16:07

I never imagined him being like this with dd's. hopefully it's just a glitch...

OP posts:
Original poster
LoserNoMore · 25/04/2013 16:08

But then I never imagined a lot of things

OP posts:
dawntigga · 25/04/2013 17:10

LNM you are one classy bird.

HighestComplementKnownToTiggaxx

CabbageLeaves · 25/04/2013 18:03

LNM. There will be good things that you never imagined. It will happen

but I share your dismay because you did not have to go through this

CabbageLeaves · 25/04/2013 18:04

Don't know why I crossed that out Grin.

I meant it

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 25/04/2013 19:42

he's a giant boil on the arse of a ... goat.

chin up, you are better than the pair of them.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 25/04/2013 19:45

I wish they'd hurry up and happen, cabbage.

Bad day.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 25/04/2013 19:47

anything in particular lnm or just a crappy day in general?

TonysHardWorkDay · 25/04/2013 20:29

You've been amazing and your email was bang on. He tends to avoid things when they aren't going his way doesn't he?

I'm sorry your day has been bad, but it will get better, just remember the old Churchill quote "if you're going through hell, keep going" it's the only way to make it out the other side.

cjel · 25/04/2013 20:39

orry you've had a crappy day. How are you now?x

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 25/04/2013 21:10

Just in general, a lot of stomping about and muttering obscenities to myself. Pissed the fuck off!

OP posts:
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