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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The train has departed Loserville - Next stop Happy Town.

996 replies

LoserNoMore · 23/04/2013 19:06

Just went to post on my other thread but it's full already!

I'll attempt to link it but I'm on my phone so probably won't work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1726699-Last-train-to-Loserville-Part-2

Excuse the cheesy title, my brain won't work. Just going to read last few replies on old thread.

OP posts:
WeAreSix · 04/05/2013 17:41

I admire your dignity LNM

I would've totally lost my temper by now and given him an absolute earful. I don't know how you're holding it together, but you're doing brilliantly!

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 04/05/2013 17:44

Thanks everyone, all good advice as always. Mediation is definitely sounding like a good idea.

My new bed is amazing! Popped into town for new bedding too, can't wait until bedtime now. Although the girls have declared they are also sleeping in it tonight! I'm bloody knackered, wee glass of wine and mind numbing tv is on the cards.

Ex text saying sorry. He obviously thinks he can do what he wants bit all will be ok as long as he says sorry. Fool. I sent him a brief email telling him if he ever threatens to come round her or shows up I'll be calling the police but I'll speak to him in more detail when I next see him.

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 04/05/2013 18:10

well done. enjoy that new bed and the new bedding. i bought some lovely new bedding after XH left and smile every time I see it on the bed as it really brightens the room and also it doesn't remind me of him.

Enjoy that glass of wine too and have an early night

Loulybelle · 04/05/2013 18:13

Enjoy the new the bed LNM, also i know how you been feeling with the sickness because i feel as sick as dog, my tummy really hurts.

swallowedAfly · 04/05/2013 18:53

i've had a pretty busy day but we are now set for sofa and mind numbing tv and a glass of wine for me.

very jealous of new bed! i keep deliberating over one. my mattress is now nearly 5 years old and it feels it.

i hope you're not feeling any weight from his projection. it really is his shit to carry so dump it if anyting has stuck x

swallowedAfly · 04/05/2013 18:54

sorry - grim imagery in that post! Grin

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 04/05/2013 19:02

Grin nice mental image SAF

My mattress is so comfy, I could spend all day lying on it.

Sapphire, I won't commit to that early night, I'll probably wake up on the sofa at 2am and the girls in my bed!

Hope you're feeling ok loulybelle

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 04/05/2013 19:14

That bed sounds fabulous - if only you get to sleep in it... ;)

Mediation (in this country, hopefully also in Scotland) also means you get the agreement stamped by a court, so it becomes a binding order. I'd have it put that he is not to come to your home except to collect or return the kids, or by your own express invitation. As a term of the agreed order. That way he has a clear boundary in place, because the fucknut clearly doesn't understand, it seems, without one.

Hope you have a lovely weekend - is it nice and sunny where you are?

swallowedAfly · 04/05/2013 19:26

i have to buy a new one! i was thinking about a memory phone one - never had one so don't know if they're all that or not.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 04/05/2013 19:39

This is mine SAF, contour pocket one. Best mattress I've ever had! It's memory foam but with pockets too or something.

www.kozeesleep.co.uk/products.asp?status=prods&cat=2100&catname=Memory%20Foam%20/%20Latex%20Foam

Weather is crap perfectstorm, but it is Scotland. I don't expect much else.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 04/05/2013 19:58

I love my bed, its a couple of years old now, but the comfiest mattress ever.

Enjoy your new bed and keep ignoring that fuckwit of a man.

CabbageLeaves · 04/05/2013 20:41

You never cease to amaze me LNM. You always respond with calm strength. Such dignity. He's such a loser

He probably is starting to realise what he's lost but still thinks he can manipulate you to have him back. You know you're worth more Shame he never appreciated this.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 04/05/2013 21:46

Ah thanks cabbage, although I don't feel calm most of the time. As long as I come across that way to ex though. id never want him to know I was feeling weak or down. I've never been a great shower of emotion apart from towards the dd's and towards ex. I have always had a guard up and don't like people thinking I'm vulnerable. It has it's downsides.

OP posts:
CabbageLeaves · 04/05/2013 22:23

I understand that. Bit like it myself and finding it hard to let DP into my life because its safer to keep him out

I do love my independence.

saffronwblue · 04/05/2013 22:48

Just want to say how strong you are and how you so clearly have his number and will never be manipulated by him again. I doubt he is going to last long in domestic bliss with OW so you can expect more of a downward spiral from him.
Enjoy the bed if the girls give you a look-in.

TiaMariaandSpringCleaning · 05/05/2013 07:32

Hope you had a great nights sleep in your lovely new bed LNM. Your ex really is an asshole, isn't he? ! His message re you 'forcing' him to move in with ow just shows how low he really is, he's treating you both like crap not that ow deserves much better and no doubt will do the same to others in future - your dignity, on the other hand, just continues to shine. That man isn't fit to lick your shoe sweetheart, he really isn't.

CabbageLeaves · 05/05/2013 09:23

I remember doubting myself under the onslaught of exes view of our relationship. In his eyes I was a home wrecking, money grabbing philanderer. This was because I wasn't supposed to divorce him (despite abuse and his affairs and whole host of other serious issues), I was supposed to keep him financially (I'd been totally responsible for the financial security of the family - I took just 50% of marital assets on divorce, received no maintenance and had 3 DC to care for but he still thought this was unfair) and a philanderer because I very quickly started dating (and the shock of this made him decide it must have started before we separated... And that's what he told everyone and that became 'the reason' we separated). Luckily when the dust settled people saw through it and I retain my reputation Hmm

My lengthy point is that during this time I felt a bit chaotic emotionally and couldn't really see it like that so I did start to believe him even though the evidence didn't support this. You seem to be very sensibly retaining a sense of what the lowlife is doing but I hope in your low moments (which will come and go) you still do. Keep your head held high.

Bossybritches22 · 05/05/2013 10:37

Good morning LNM hope that lovely new bed gave you (all) a good nights sleep?!

Weeather is supposed to pick up down here hope it does with you too, have a good Sunday!

swallowedAfly · 05/05/2013 10:50

yo! onwards and upwards today lnm. don't let the bastard get you down. the sun is shining get out and have a nice walk somewhere and a pub lunch with the girls or something.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 05/05/2013 16:37

God cabbage what an arsehole. It's funny how some people can twist things to make them feel better.

Had a good sleep in my bed. Moved all 3 dd's to their own beds though. I wouldn't have slept a wink with the 3 of them in there.

Today we went shopping, the girls bought some nice things with their pocket money and I went into Hobby Craft for the first time. Omg, I love that shop! I also bought some wallpaper for the living room. Not sure I'm up to the job of wallpapering but I want to give it a go.

OP posts:
CabbageLeaves · 05/05/2013 16:59

There have been a couple of nights when I have wanted DD in bed for company but generally my bedroom is my sanctuary. She always joins me in the morning for a cuddle at the weekend. She goes to secondary school in Sept so that won't last

I've never been to Hobbycraft (or Ikea which apparently makes me odd)

I can wallpaper though. What sort of paper is it because that usually affects how easy it is to do.

swallowedAfly · 05/05/2013 18:11

you're a brave woman if you go for wallpapering. between that and the fencing i will be mightily impressed because they are two jobs i haven't attempted.

i'm doing a lot of fantasising about what needs doing in this house which is a lot. if i ever meet someone worth seeing i do hope they're useful. don't need things doing for me but a bit of help and some decent tools would come in handy. ha! that reads like a double entendre - or maybe just a freudian slip Wink

alternatively a lottery win would be nice.

any plans for tomorrow?

perfectstorm · 05/05/2013 22:37

Oh God, I love Hobby Craft. It's almost embarrassing. Think I was a magpie in a past life!

I tried wallpapering the chimney breast once as a "feature wall". I wasted so much of the single roll I had to order another! But I'm inept, sure you won't be.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 05/05/2013 22:50

SAF, yes a few innuendos in there Grin

Cabbage, it's embossed wallpaper (get me ) its only one wall I'm doing but not sure I want to chance it. I've never been to Ikea either.

Perfectstorm, I can see me making a weekly trip to hobby craft!

Plans for tomorrow SAF? Work feel sick thinking about it. After 2 days off sick I imagine I'm going in to chaos.

OP posts:
CabbageLeaves · 05/05/2013 23:30

Have you got a table and pasting brush etc ?

Planning is the key thing I keep two rolls on the go because it minimises waste when matching.

lots of guides on the net. It's really rewarding doing your own DIY

SaF. I agree totally re tools. Wink